Would your dh speak to you like this

[Isthiswhatitisnow]

My dh just told me to suck his shit because apparently I nagged him.
I was telling him to give me some credit when he speaks to his mum about refurbish our new house.
He always goes on about everything he's done and makes it look like I've had no contribution and it annoys me.
I'm also heavily pregnant and his mum thinks I sit around all day doing nothing.
I wasn't raising my voice or swearing or anything I simply said make sure you mention me when you ring her this time. I did repeat it 3 times though.
I then cried and he apologised but he says things like this to me now and then.
Aibu to think it's harsh
Or did I overreact by crying?

@Areyouhappy - my DH would be out of the door if he tried that.
@Isthiswhatitisnow - your DH is an awful arsehole, what's more, he seems to put his DM first and you second.
Is this really the future you envisage for yourself and your child? If you find pregnancy hard, the first months of taking care of a new baby will floor you. Expect DM to stick her snout into everything, making you feel inferior and doing everything wrong while he will stick firmly to her side.
If I were you, I'd start looking for a way out.

Both your DH and his mother sound horrible.

@DrManhattan I'm aware but it's taken 10 years to get to the point of being civil and being accepted in the family. I do what I want to do in life and they don't like that so it got to me that the reason why she was annoyed in this instance was more to do with her son making it seem like I did fuck all rather than just my MIL being her usual annoying self.

We already have a child together I know how hard the first years are plus I will probably have post natal depression again so I'm on edge now that I'm close to the end of this pregnancy, i guess things are getting to me more than they usually would right now.

You don't need to get 'accepted ' by anyone's family. They like you or they don't. You don't have to change or try to make them like you. I don't mean to be harsh, but people will like you for being yourself and you don't have to waste time trying to please people who continue to move the goal posts.

Stop seeking validation from you mil. You don't need it. You know what you're contributing, so it doesn't matter wether she gives your credit or not. He sounds like a mummy's boy, so he will always be in her favour and he will always get all the credit.
The way he spoke to you is beyond rude, and you need to tell him very clearly that you won't accept him speaking to you like that.
I think you both need to grow up a little to be honest.

I've not changed myself at all, that's the thing I'm trying to explain. I am overly anxious at the moment and I've admitted I was being annoying and over the top about it. But he could've even just told me to shut up, or stop nagging, or anything but that was just something I wouldn't even think of saying to someone I hated.

He has apologised again this morning fwiw. But his actual words really hurt me.

Just drop the rope.

Have nothing to do with MiL and ignore "D"H when he talks to her/about her/about you.

Block her number, wash your hands of her and ignore all of his and her bullshit.

Why bother trying when none of them give a fuck.

Time to start giving 0 fucks too OP.

That’s a horrible way for him to speak to you and of course you don’t deserve it. My DP would never swear at me.

Your DH is horrible. If it wasn't for the older child I would say get out before this one is born - but appreciate this is more complicated.

However his mother I would just not speak to. If she just rings up to moan either don't answer the call or once she starts say - sorry I don't have time to listen to that rubbish and hang up. If she can be rude so can you.

Your DH though needs sorting out. Noo e would be talking to me like that.

@Isthiswhatitisnow

He has apologised again this morning fwiw. But his actual words really hurt me.

It was a particularly vicious and poisonous thing to say. It required a fair degree of thought, which even a "fuck off" or "shut the fuck up" wouldn't, as horrid as those are.

If it were truly a one off from an otherwise loving and supportive husband, with a context, I could probably get over it. But it's not, is it?

No, my dh would not speak to anyone like thar, never mind to me!

But he did deserve to be nagged! In fact with the constant complaining to his mummy, with him not sticking up for his wife, and for using incredibly offensive language, he doesn't deserve to have the OP in his life at all.

^This. What do the "But you were nagging him" posters think the OP should do when her husband is disrespectful and dismissive to her and gives no acknowledgement of her contribution to anything? Should she not bring it up at all? Or should she politely point it out once, then submit meekly when he doesn't respond or apologise, for fear of seeming like a nag?!

[quote Isthiswhatitisnow]@DrManhattan I'm aware but it's taken 10 years to get to the point of being civil and being accepted in the family. I do what I want to do in life and they don't like that so it got to me that the reason why she was annoyed in this instance was more to do with her son making it seem like I did fuck all rather than just my MIL being her usual annoying self.

We already have a child together I know how hard the first years are plus I will probably have post natal depression again so I'm on edge now that I'm close to the end of this pregnancy, i guess things are getting to me more than they usually would right now.[/quote]
10 years?!?! This is madness!!! Has she ever been civil or is it a case of noone will ever be good enough for her precious prince?

How did your relationship get as far as one child, never mind 2, when his mother is so horrible and he does nothing to stop her?!

Oh, and I bet the PND wouldn't be half as bad/existant if you had a supportive partner instead of this dickhead.

No, no man had ever spoken to me like that. It would be the very first and last time they did. I assume this didn’t come from nowhere and he had shown his lack of respect for you before. Personally I’d leave the foul mouthed idiot.