My chikdren never get out toys and play with them

[ihaveaskformysanity]

I don't know if I am deluded, but I expected that my DC would find stuff to play with and you know, play independently occasionally. Without me getting stuff out or organising things for them. They just don't, never have. We have shelves with accessible bits, the IKEA drawers that are partly open and lots of children's books. They never touch a thing. When friends have come to play everything gets pulled out by the visitors, but is that excitement about different stuff or do all Dc ignore their own toys? I just feel I have to be the chef entertainment officer and make constant suggestions. I've tried go into x and find something to play with. Nope nothing. I have to get bits out, tip them out and engage them. Aibu it's hard work and when I hear people saying their Dc want to play all day I get envy, as mine will only play if I force them into it 😉 They love a scooter, but that's about it.

How old are they?
Have you tried toy rotation, maybe there is too much and they find it overwhelming and difficult to choose from too many choices.
I sometimes get a box out of toys they haven't played with recently, after they've gone to bed, and leave it in the middle of the living room. Then they "discover" it in the morning and play for ages. Mine are 4 and 1

Mine were never very good at getting out stuff and playing with it.
They enjoyed a few specific things- dressing up, colouring and crafting, duplo.
We had loads of stuff in IKEA shelves and it was like they forgot it didn’t even exist.
Other people’s children used to systematically go through all boxes and empty the lot and ‘play’with it all.
I have to say I didn’t used to entertain them that much. They just used to potter about doing nothing much!

My DC are like that. I have no answers, but I can relate!

How old are they? My 3 year old is also a bit like this but we've been really working on his independent play skills, with some success. Key things have been:

• Making detailed suggestions - so not 'why don't you play with your kitchen' but 'ooh, I think it's Mr Bear's birthday, could you make him a special cake?'
• Starting the game with him then slowly extracting ourselves
• Setting a timer so he knows that when Alexa's alarm goes off we'll play with him again, and keeping expectations of how long it can be before that alarm realistic
• Riding out the whinging and fuss he makes when told that we're busy and he needs to entertain himself for a bit - he always does find something to do if you stand firm for just a few minutes

Things I have found I have to accept:

• He is much more willing to play independently if I'm doing something obviously 'busy', like cleaning or cooking. If I sit down and try and read my book or something he's much less likely to settle into playing happily (annoyingly) We seem to be able to have either neat play or independent play, but not both. Stuff goes everywhere* if we're not directing him not to do this, so I accept having to tidy up afterwards as the cost of independent play (and I do get him to help with the tidying!)

Ages 5 and 2, a boy and a girl. I think I must of gone wrong somewhere.

They are still very young. And some kids are just person orientated - they like the interaction. I know it's exhausting!

Minimal screen time is the answer, the more tv mine watch the less their ability to play and amuse themselves. Boredom is a state they need to find uncomfortable and choose to entertain themselves

What do they do then? Just sit/stand around. I'm not being facetious, just puzzled.

I agree with minimal screen time. Ideally nothing at all if possible. It will encourage them to want to explore and try new things.

I think it varies by child. My DS1 was like you describe and never just "played" with toys, but DS2 would play with hot wheels for hours, setting up little tournaments for his cars. DS1 was more into doing organised activities (football etc) or things with me (reading, jigsaws).

Dd1 I would set up happy land or trains etc and and she’d happily play but she’d never think to choose it if I asked her. Dd2&3 would always know exactly what they wanted to play.

Another vote for toy rotation. I have 5 bags (like shopper bags nice ones) of toys and one would be put in the living room in the morning. Also great because it's super easy to tidy up before dinner

If they're not playing, what are they doing?

If they like being active, maybe prompt collaborative physical games- the floor is lava, den building, keepy uppy with a balloon?

Have you got toys that are interesting to the 5 yr old but accessable/age appropriate for the 2 year old?

Have you tried laying out toys the night before? Building a brick castle for them to find in the morning for eg?

Is the telly on for background noise all day? (I do this too, just it does impede play)

I used to get out 2 or 3 activities/games and set them up without any fuss in different parts of the room when mine were young. Then they’d naturally go to them to play out of curiosity. For example, in one corner doll with cot, high chair, bottle and changing mat, then aqua doodle and Lego somewhere else.

Totally feel your pain - 3 kids and the eldest two are boys aged 8 and 9. They have never just gone and played with toys. They have always demanded adult attention and would only play with something with company. They will now run around outside on their own but wouldn’t ever sit and play. The youngest child - a girl aged 5 - will Play for hours and hours with toys and has done since she’s been able to. Who knows if it’s a gender thing but we’ve not parented them any differently 🤷‍♀️

Turning off the tv, ipad or whatever and starting to play with the toys myself was a good starter.

Sometimes I would get quite into it and then when they took over, it annoyed me a bit that they changed the playmobil storyline/built the Duplo house wrong but I had to let that go in order to be able to back off and have them actually play with their toys.

They are 10 and 6 now nd pretty good at going off to play lego or playmobil or cars or draw by themselves.

@ihaveaskformysanity

Ages 5 and 2, a boy and a girl. I think I must of gone wrong somewhere.

Did you leave them alone to play when they were babies or were you constantly there?

Mine the opposite have never put anything away if something is tidy or out of reach they pull it onto ground.
Find my 4yo relaxes with Lego or car loves play doe mad for TV or YouTube but it frustrates him.
Crayon s, cars , Lego .... Everywher here wish they left things tidy on shelves

I wouldn’t expect 2 years old to entertain themselves, 5 years old would be a bit better.
I still check up of mine as I remember small child+silence=no good.
I would announce “right, I’m going to put a movie on as mummy is going to do xyz” and afterwards we’ll do abc so they would know what is happening.
If I got busy with the housework and DS came with his enquiries I’d deal with them according to the nature-needing help in the toilet I’d follow, wanting to play, sorry son after a movie.
Sometimes they’d want to help which is cute (but messy). Again depending on the nature and age yes to wash up,no to chop up the veg with the knife. It is exhausting but that’s the way they learn.

We have a small space so can't get 3 lots of stuff out to set up night before, but could do one thing, it's a good idea. I see lots of you would get stuff out for them. This is what I have to do constantly and manage them or they just moan about ( mainly 5 year old) asking what can they do or asking for screen time. Don't have Tv on in background, screen time is limited to 2 hours a day in chunks morning / afternoon. This less on school days for 5 year old.

Toy rotation they wouldn't notice as they don't touch anything or open the drawers to look. I do move stuff about from their rooms to downstairs, so there is a bit of variety there. We have lots of different stuff but it's not excessive.

Drawers are these so easy to open and I put a few bits on top.

There is something called Present Play by the Parenting Junkie where she suggests having five zones and the children will naturally rotate through them...
I think they are...

1. Movement- climbing frame, indoor swing etc
2. Chill out - book corner
3. Imagination Zone - e.g toy kitchen
4. Construction Zone - e.g lego
5. Focus Zone - puzzles, painting things that you'd do at a kitchen table.

You still can rotate the toys/freshen up the areas but the kids are supposed to go through the zones on their own, so there is choice and answer to their current needs but not too much choice.

Have you always played with them?my 2yo is very independent and will regularly be found in the playroom getting books etc out to 'read' or duplo out. He won't open a drawer though so I leave the drawer out so he can access it.

Be specific with what they can do. Eg 'build me a house from lego' or 'make a train track'. Does the 5yo do imaginary play? My 4&2yo will chase each other, or play ghosts/monsters, do tea parties.

The only supervised activity is colouring or play doh in this house.

Quite normal to set up some toys, show them how to play and leave then to it.

Give them half an hour of showing and then you get an hour to do what you want. That was the ratio we went for at that age.

What do they do if you don't get anything out for them?

Same as me OP. I have a 5 and 2 year old. I can set up a few bits the night before- or even create a massive playroom downstairs with every toy, and they still come down and ignore it.

It's tough, it's hard work. I feel your struggle!!