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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My chikdren never get out toys and play with them

83 replies

ihaveaskformysanity · 07/10/2021 22:02

I don't know if I am deluded, but I expected that my DC would find stuff to play with and you know, play independently occasionally. Without me getting stuff out or organising things for them. They just don't, never have. We have shelves with accessible bits, the IKEA drawers that are partly open and lots of children's books. They never touch a thing. When friends have come to play everything gets pulled out by the visitors, but is that excitement about different stuff or do all Dc ignore their own toys? I just feel I have to be the chef entertainment officer and make constant suggestions. I've tried go into x and find something to play with. Nope nothing. I have to get bits out, tip them out and engage them. Aibu it's hard work and when I hear people saying their Dc want to play all day I get envy, as mine will only play if I force them into it 😉 They love a scooter, but that's about it.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/10/2021 06:33

My eldest barely ever played with her toys- still doesn’t.
I honestly think some kids just aren’t bothered and prefer adult interaction or physical activities like the park

1AngelicFruitCake · 08/10/2021 06:34

So what are they doing? I just say go and play or go and play with x. You need to train them to play on their own so play with a specific toy to start with, go in the kitchen for few minutes return, play with them etc.

Brieandcamembert · 08/10/2021 06:37

Minimal screen time is the answer, the more TV mine watch the less their ability to play and amuse themselves

2 hours screen time a day is an awful lot. Try cutting down. Try a visual schedule so they can see that play happens after breakfast etc.

Rugsofhonour · 08/10/2021 06:42

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

Hercisback · 08/10/2021 06:43

Maybe my 2yo isn't normal then! He's played independently from 16 months. Pop in occasionally to see if he's OK but he's happy. Will be engrossed in some things for 30+mins.

Original poster
ihaveaskformysanity · 08/10/2021 06:45

@Brieandcamembert Really as personally don't think 2 hours out of a 14 hour day is much. They don't seem to like sleep much. Oldest sleeps 9-7 wakes naturally and youngest 9-5am 😬 and then a lunchtime nap 1-2 hours.

No screens after 5pm is our rule. We walk to school and go outside a lot too. Youngest goes to various toddler activities and oldest does football and swimming too.

OP posts:
Original poster
ihaveaskformysanity · 08/10/2021 06:47

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

My eldest barely ever played with her toys- still doesn’t. I honestly think some kids just aren’t bothered and prefer adult interaction or physical activities like the park
That's it, they just want someone to play with them all.the.time. 5 yo does like simple board games or things like shopping list games.
OP posts:
1AngelicFruitCake · 08/10/2021 06:47

But what is it they do if not playing with toys?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/10/2021 06:47

2 hours screen time a day is an awful lot only in MN world

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/10/2021 06:49

ihaveaskformysanity yep my eldest loves the orchard games and puzzles but that does usually require my participation. I envy my sister because my niece always just preoccupied herself with a dolls house or duplo

ACNHMAMA · 08/10/2021 06:49

My DS are the same. DS1 will quite happily spend all of his time in the back garden playing with sticks. Confused. DS2 is slightly better. He does play with toys sometimes, but is happiest out doing laps of the cul-de-sac on his bike. They also both like drawing.

When they were younger, I would sit and play with them, set things up for them etc. Even then DS1 wouldn't always interact with what I was doing. Unless it was something like Lego where we could build. I don't really buy them loads of toys now unless it's lego.

For full disclosure, we do suspect DS1 has ADHD/ASD and is awaiting assessment. So that probably is part of it.

1AngelicFruitCake · 08/10/2021 06:50

I think it’s really important to get them used to keeping themselves occupied. (Even the 2 year old for short bursts) I’m a nursery teacher and it’s obvious the children who can’t do this as they stand around watching the others or are constantly talking to the adults.lots of praise when they do achieve it will encourage your other child!

TamponSupport · 08/10/2021 06:51

I think it's also personality. Mine didn't play independently until the youngest was a bit older than yours (maybe 6 months time?) and then she started ordering DS around and telling him what and how to play. The only time DS plays independently is if he re-enacts something from his favourite cartoon with things that are already set up.

Anycolourwilldo · 08/10/2021 06:51

Yes!!! Mine are exactly the same! They will play outside very happily with some mud and sticks for ages, but as soon we we're inside, nothing. I've been at friends houses when their child gets out their own toys and plays with them. I'm amazed and my friend thinks I'm bonkers for being amazed with such normal child behaviour.
It's exhausting constantly thinking of something for them to do and getting it out for them. So I've stopped bothering. I would like to point out that my kids are very happy and sociable. I think they just want to chat, play with people rather than themselves. Mine are 6 and 2.

ACNHMAMA · 08/10/2021 06:52

I should also say now that they are 6 and 8 YO, they don't always want to play with me even if I attempt to join in. Sad

Original poster
ihaveaskformysanity · 08/10/2021 06:52

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

2 hours screen time a day is an awful lot only in MN world
I totally agree a lot of my friends have the Tv on all day, don't limit screen time when I've gently enquired for comparison. My DH thinks it's perfectly fine to watch Tv all day and that I'm too strict to have a timer app on the iPads. Maybe it would be easier to have the Tv on in the background.
OP posts:
Seeleyboo · 08/10/2021 06:54

I thought it said chicken

Twinsmum2003 · 08/10/2021 06:56

I think it must just be a personality thing. We have twins and they were chalk and cheese. My son at two years old was building Thomas the Tank Engine tracks and playing and chatting away to himself (I could have had 10 of him). His sister never played with anything and just wanted to talk non-stop, it drove me crazy then -and still does-. She once played play-doh at the kitchen table for an hour, still chatting but I was scared to move to distract her away from it!

2blackandwhitecats · 08/10/2021 06:56

My DS is only a baby but I remember my friends children being like this. They are fine, lovely kids. Just prefer doing to playing!

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 08/10/2021 06:58

My eldest wasn’t every really into toys and my youngest is similar. Things they do like - building a den or obstacle course, outdoor play, arts and crafts, trampoline (best thing I ever bought), cooking, reading, going out anywhere, pets. The toys that did get at least some play were construction toys like marble run and Lego.

Lotsofpots · 08/10/2021 06:58

I think it's a personality thing. DS6 has only just started playing independently, and in the last few months will take himself off to get colouring/craft out in particular. He needs a lot of adult validation and input into his play. DS3 has, since a v young age, made up his own play which occupies him for ages, just taking out the toys of interest to him.

I feel for you OP as having one that can play indepdently has made me realise just how exhausting the other is!

Anycolourwilldo · 08/10/2021 06:59

With regards to tv, the main reason it couldn't have the tv on 'in the background' is because my children wouldn't play with stuff while it's on, they would just sit like zombies in front of it. Kids are different to each other. I've never understood the tv on in the background thing...

Anycolourwilldo · 08/10/2021 07:01

*I

DollyDinkle · 08/10/2021 07:03

My son didn't play at all, he was exactly like yours. I went cold turkey and said I'm not playing you'll need to find something to do. He is better now. E when my daughter was born I left her alone to discover and, at 3, she will play on her own. Just say no!

Wilkolampshade · 08/10/2021 07:04

Most, but not all, 2 year olds are too little to play independently. Mine wouldn't have done much on their own at that age, so it can be mentally exhausting yes.
As others have said, be specific about tasks and maybe get them to help you and your DH out with jobs around the house? In that way they can keep 'busy' and you'll be occupied with something that at least feels productive.
And of course 2hrs screen time is fine.
Keep going OP, these days will pass.