My chikdren never get out toys and play with them

[ihaveaskformysanity]

I don't know if I am deluded, but I expected that my DC would find stuff to play with and you know, play independently occasionally. Without me getting stuff out or organising things for them. They just don't, never have. We have shelves with accessible bits, the IKEA drawers that are partly open and lots of children's books. They never touch a thing. When friends have come to play everything gets pulled out by the visitors, but is that excitement about different stuff or do all Dc ignore their own toys? I just feel I have to be the chef entertainment officer and make constant suggestions. I've tried go into x and find something to play with. Nope nothing. I have to get bits out, tip them out and engage them. Aibu it's hard work and when I hear people saying their Dc want to play all day I get envy, as mine will only play if I force them into it 😉 They love a scooter, but that's about it.

I don't think many kids that age will play for long without adult interaction. What works well for mine (same age) is giving them really focused attention for 30 mins or so - properly putting away my phone, 100% playing with something - and then I can often withdraw and leave them to it for a while.

My dc is like this.they're 8 now and I still have to initiate play, start a theme with them ie get the barbie box out and start playing with barbies snd then my 8yo gets really invested and I can sneak off for free time

Very annoying. I imagined them picking up toys and playing all by themselves but my one has always needed someone to start them off playing. Maybe try that.
Also agree with pp, if it's hidden away, even in the easiest of drawers, no chance my dc would play. Once I set them up though they're good to go for a few hours.

I know what you mean. As others have said I'd look into toy rotation and three toy rule. My toddler plays with toys more when there is less out.

2 hours tv when a child (5) is at school from 8.30 to 3.30, if it goes off at 5pm, is a lot of their most alert hours.
Eg if up at 7, getting dressed, having breakfast etc, its maybe on 8-8.30, then again 3.30-5?

So you are expecting them to do all their independent playing after tea from what, 6-9pm? When they are knackered.

What kind of toys do you have? My child similar age loves brio trains, lego, craft materials, various construction kits, junk models.

@DeepaBeesKit

2 hours tv when a child (5) is at school from 8.30 to 3.30, if it goes off at 5pm, is a lot of their most alert hours. Eg if up at 7, getting dressed, having breakfast etc, its maybe on 8-8.30, then again 3.30-5?

So you are expecting them to do all their independent playing after tea from what, 6-9pm? When they are knackered.

What kind of toys do you have? My child similar age loves brio trains, lego, craft materials, various construction kits, junk models.

My 4 year old is in reception- up today at 6 (don’t even need to leave the bloody house until 8.40), bed will be at 7. They watch CBeebies with their breakfast- when home at 3.15pm she wants a snack and tv- do I need to demand independent play when that’s what she’s been doing for 6hrs at school? Yesterday she went to the library and park after school and then had some tv whilst her dad made dinner. I can’t put her small toys out in the lounge as she has a 1yr old sister- a bit of tv really doesn’t bother me when we do so much anyway.

@Anycolourwilldo

With regards to tv, the main reason it couldn't have the tv on 'in the background' is because my children wouldn't play with stuff while it's on, they would just sit like zombies in front of it. Kids are different to each other. I've never understood the tv on in the background thing...

Same, though I have sometimes wondered if this is because we only have the tv on for fairly short, designated periods - I think perhaps if it's on all day children do stop watching it so intently.

I've also found that independent play hasn't been linear for mine - he was actually better at it when he was littler (I remember him pushing cars up and down slopes), but now that he can converse, play things like simple board games and role playing games he wants to do those all the time, and so wants an adult to do them with him.

I think atm the age gap is too significant to properly play together. I can’t imagine a 5yo doing much with a 2yo. I think it’s more of a case of the 5yo playing with their things and the 2yo doing a few bits separately, probably mainly with you tbh.
I think for the 5yo you’ll have to give them some ideas, or set something up. Mine are older - 9, 7,5 and don’t stop playing tbh - barbies, imagination stuff like schools, drawing etc etc. I think when they are 4 and 7 things will almost definitely change and they will play all sorts of things together.

@Brieandcamembert

Minimal screen time is the answer, the more TV mine watch the less their ability to play and amuse themselves

2 hours screen time a day is an awful lot. Try cutting down. Try a visual schedule so they can see that play happens after breakfast etc.

I agree with you @Brieandcamembert - 2 hours sounds like a lot to me too. Maybe I’m overly strict though as I don’t have the tv on at all when DS is awake 😬 he’s only 11months though. The only “screen time” he gets is when he facetimes his dad each day (DH works away from home so is away a few weeks at a time).

Maybe I’m overly strict though as I don’t have the tv on at all when DS is awake 😬 he’s only 11months though.

You're not overly strict, you just have a baby DS didn't watch TV at 11 months either, he does now he's 3.

Op, could you put a picture of what's in the drawer, on the front of the drawer? So it's less 'out of sight, out of mind'? We have a kallax system in our living room with open shelves on the top layer and boxes on the bottom layer. The top stuff that they can see (mine are 3.5 and 1.5) gets played with far more. In fact, some things like the musical instruments only come out if I get them out for them.

I also leave some things set up overnight. The dolls house stays out and open and they will both come down in the morning and play with it.
I often set up the car mat with props in the evening too so it's out without them needing to set it up.

The OP specifically said it wasn't 2 hours of screen time for the 5 year old now that they are in school.

I didn't do screen time until mine were about 14 months as I don't think it's great for babies and babies sleep so much anyway that I didn't see the point. Mine now get up to 2 hours a day, not always that much depends on what we're doing.

I do a lot of taking them out to fun places and play with them a lot at home so I don't feel guilty

My eldest never really played with toys- Christmas and birthdays are a nightmare because he genuinely just isn’t interested! His younger brother however will sit and play by himself coming up with all sort of games with his toys for hours. I think it’s just down to personality. I didn’t much like toys either I just like things like drawing

I think its just the way some kids are.
My two are of the pulling everything out variety.
Makes a big mess and takes a lot of work to explain purposeful play and tidying up.

I’m a bit confused. If the tv isn’t on and you don’t get the toys out for them, what would they be doing then?

@Rosesareyellow

I’m a bit confused. If the tv isn’t on and you don’t get the toys out for them, what would they be doing then?

I'm assuming that they moan and whinge until OP gets the toys out for them or otherwise finds an activity for them, which is what she wants to change. Riding out the moaning and whinging might be the only way.

With regards to tv, the main reason it couldn't have the tv on 'in the background' is because my children wouldn't play with stuff while it's on, they would just sit like zombies in front of it. Kids are different to each other. I've never understood the tv on in the background thing...

I’ll stick the tv on while I’m having a cup of tea, my DCs will watch some tv and then get toys out to play and ignore the tv. Weirdly, I often don’t think to change the channel so I’m left being the only one getting into this episode of Octonauts…

I know it is frustrating but quite normal. I give them a prompt or objective. (I.e. make a den but ONLY with cushions and this blanket or see if you can make a town with this brio). Mine ask for toys but then only play with teddies, craft supplies, and books regularly. My oldest is finally into board games, which is nice.

I'm assuming that they moan and whinge until OP gets the toys out for them or otherwise finds an activity for them, which is what she wants to change. Riding out the moaning and whinging might be the only way.

Ah, ok. My youngest can be like that - he does play by himself but some times asks me to join in. We play together a lot - sometimes I say no and he says ‘ok’ and carries on but sometimes he kicks off because I said no, often because I’m busy doing something like sorting the washing or because I’m sitting on the sofa and I just don’t want to - which is perfectly ok OP - you don’t have to be your children’s personal entertainer 24/7. As a pp said I would let them complain and figure it out, especially the older one. Some kids aren’t much for toys which is fine - yours clearly like their toys they just want you to be involved all the time, but you shouldn’t have to. Especially if they’ve got each other to play with.

My eldest ds was exactly the same, never interested in toys. His games were things like standing on the sofa arm and falling onto the sofa, climbing, running, pulling stuff out of cupboards (like books, dvds, pots and pans). He did like his mini kitchen but that was it. He’d be up at 5am and desperate to get out the house to go to the park. He spoke and walked early (9months) and that was it wanted to chat to people and run about.

1 of my DC is brilliant at independent play and can entertain them self (and anyone else who wants to play their game) for hours. These games can be created around a magical treasure chest made from an old egg box, or whatever. Just random stuff.

1 of my DC wants to talk to me all the time. They want me to be in their world with them all the time. It's lovely when we are out for a walk and I get to see the world through their eyes, but when I'm trying to do chores it's relentless. I try to redirect them to their siblings.

1 of my DC will sometimes play, and sometimes want to talk, although they are as happy to talk to their siblings as me unless ill or sleepy.

They all like watching Tv, but the talker often likes to tell me what's happening and talk through every film too! The only way to get around this I've discovered is to give them popcorn and dim the lights because there's no talking on cinemas and then it's a cinema at home.

They all play with each other a lot more than they play with any particular toys.

Also have a 5 and 2 year old. The 2yo is often better at independent play than the older one. She loves playing with happyland. The older one craves attention much more but will be very into toys when we’re about to leave the house. Trying to get ready for school run and they’re both playing nicely with a dolls house in a way they’d definitely not be doing on a Saturday afternoon.

With the screen time, we used to go it the opposite way round from you and have the TV time at the end of the day. That way they knew when it was and they knew it was coming and it stopped them asking for it. I hated being pestered all day long. Especially in those special moaning voices children seem to develop when asking their own parents a question.

My dc had one programme each of their choosing. They both watched them both though. I think two hours is a lot and it may be that it's making your day worse rather than better, I would cut it down to zero screen time of any kind and see if it made a difference.

@Bunnycat101

Also have a 5 and 2 year old. The 2yo is often better at independent play than the older one. She loves playing with happyland. The older one craves attention much more but will be very into toys when we’re about to leave the house. Trying to get ready for school run and they’re both playing nicely with a dolls house in a way they’d definitely not be doing on a Saturday afternoon.

Ah yes - mine has always had excellent independent play skills just as it hits bedtime. All day he'll have been demanding my attention every 30 seconds and reacting with horror if I suggest he goes and plays but just before bed he's happy to sit and play alone like a perfect little angel...

Have you ever engaged in imaginative play with them? Have you done a running commentary of play with them as you've been doing it? Many children need to be shown how to use their imaginations in this way it doesn't come naturally to every child.

My brother's first was like this and he thought he could just get toys out and she would know what to do with them. She used to sit and look at them, eat them or when older cry. He had to be taught how to teach her to play.

How much outdoor vs indoor time do they get? I found mine needed a proper run around, trip to playground etc in the morning and were then more likely to play with toys at home in the afternoon.

We have a no screens after 10am or before 4pm rule and have done for years.