Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to punish child for killing insects?

126 replies

Unsername1233 · 07/10/2021 19:18

This evening my DS and his uncle (strange age gap, uncle is 8 and DS is 5) were playing out in the garden. We have been watching this one particular spider who has welcomed the outside of our living room window as his new home. We have loved watching the different webs made etc. I thought they were playing nicely in the garden, however it transpired that they were finding insects to kill, including the spider in the window!

I am equally horrified as disappointed that my son has done this!

Anyway, I taken a star of his chart (which led to him not having his treat today - a small temporary minion tattoo thing!) and explained why this was wrong (although he already knows this!).

My DH thinks I’m being unreasonable as it’s “just something that all kids to”. I obviously don’t agree with this SO was I being unreasonable removing the star from the chart, therefore ending in no treat? I don’t want to raise a child who thinks this behaviour is ok!

OP posts:
SameToo · 07/10/2021 19:19

No it’s not just something kids do and shouldn’t be excused. I would definitely punish this kind of behaviour.

SamMil · 07/10/2021 19:22

You're not being unreasonable - the world would be a better place if all children were taught to respect animals.

LettertoHermoine · 07/10/2021 19:23

Nope you are bang on.

MrsDonnelly · 07/10/2021 19:24

Good for you. Children should be taught to appreciate nature. Your husband is wrong, not you

T0rt0ise · 07/10/2021 19:24

Completely did the right thing.

DoucheCanoe · 07/10/2021 19:26

Missing the main point but you're using the star chart wrong.

You should be reinforcing positive behaviour by giving, never take them away!

GertietheGherkin · 07/10/2021 19:26

You've done exactly the right thing!
Your husband is definitely in the wrong here.

Crumpledpancake · 07/10/2021 19:28

You are not BU. First insects, then what? Small animals? You are definitely right to punish him and make sure he knows it's not ok.
Whenever I hear of a child taking delight in killing something then alarm bells go off. It could be the uncle's instigation. Keep your eye on him.

Applethrower · 07/10/2021 19:28

Youre not being unreasonable for telling him off for killing insects.
However, you are being unreasonable for removing a star he had already earned. You cant take away something he has earned. That's completely unfair and makes the whole thing rather pointless.

621CustardCream438 · 07/10/2021 19:28

Did your five year old understand it was wrong? Have you told him before? Has he seen you kill wasps or spiders? Mine would be in trouble if they knowingly did something wrong, but at five and egged on by an older child I’m not sure if they’d have equated killing insects with being wrong. I’d have made it clear it was unacceptable and they’d be in trouble if it happened again. But only you know your child.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 07/10/2021 19:28

My ndn's ds started off like this....
He was in jail at 16..
Urgh he was a rotten dc.. Very sad to say I admit.
He also threw knives at my ddogs...
Seems his dm cared not a jot. Glad you are pulling your ds up on it op...

ShinyMe · 07/10/2021 19:30

I think you're absolutely right.

However I know a huge amount of adults who kill spiders, and joke about hoovering them up or flushing them down a drain, using the excuse that they're scared of them. I hate that too.

MyPatronusIsACat · 07/10/2021 19:30

@Unsername1233 Damn right they need punishing! What a nasty NASTY thing to do. Not saying your child is nasty, but what they did was.

Harming animals/insects is a slippery slope. STOP it now.

SummerHouse · 07/10/2021 19:31

He is only five. I think education rather than punishment. Also was he perhaps led by the eight year old?

Original poster
Unsername1233 · 07/10/2021 19:32

Should probably add he hadn’t already earned the reward which was then taken away after. He needed another star, so it was basically not getting his last star of the day equalling the reward for those who were wondering.

OP posts:
MyPatronusIsACat · 07/10/2021 19:33

@ShinyMe

I think you're absolutely right.

However I know a huge amount of adults who kill spiders, and joke about hoovering them up or flushing them down a drain, using the excuse that they're scared of them. I hate that too.

Yeah it boils my blood when people think it's funny to flush spiders down a drain or hoover them up. If they are genuinely TERRIFIED of spiders, and have a phobia, and they have no choice, then it's still not great to do it, but it's almost understandable. But only a cunt does it to for shits and giggles and laughs about it.
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 07/10/2021 19:33

Telling him off is fine, a separate consequence if you really must also fine.

What you did with the reward chart wasn't fine. First of all the chart needs to be for specific behaviours you want to see and I doubt anything about insects was on it before today. Secondly, they are to reinforce and reward good behaviours, not to take a star away that he already earned. Effectively, you punished him twice, once by taking the star away and then by him not getting his treat. All you've shown him is that one wrong choice can negate all his good behaviour for the day.

P.S. DD catches/kills flies to feed to the garden spiders, particularly the small ones. What does that make her?

Clawdy · 07/10/2021 19:34

I'd be upset too, perhaps you could have a chat about insect families, and say how sad it is to destroy something living. Perhaps make up a story about a little spider! He's a bit young to read "Charlotte's Web", sadly!

FreshFreesias · 07/10/2021 19:34

It’s sad they wanted to kill insects, given that they are so valuable to the ecosystem.
Every life is precious.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 07/10/2021 19:34

@Unsername1233

Should probably add he hadn’t already earned the reward which was then taken away after. He needed another star, so it was basically not getting his last star of the day equalling the reward for those who were wondering.
Was earning his last star related to behaviours towards insects or something else? If yes, my comment still stands.
Original poster
Unsername1233 · 07/10/2021 19:35

@621CustardCream438 Yes we have already had this conversation, and do a lot. Partly because we never kill insects which come into the house, and instead take them outside.

Most certainly led by older child, but have told him numerous times that he needs to do what he thinks is right.

OP posts:
Holskey · 07/10/2021 19:35

I agree with PPs: this is a chat where you discuss respecting living creatures, ask why he thought that was okay etc., but I wouldn't have punished on this occasion. Certainly wouldn't have taken a star.

Original poster
Unsername1233 · 07/10/2021 19:36

His last star was actually for behaviour, something which we leave until the very end of the day

OP posts:
rrhuth · 07/10/2021 19:36

I don't do sticker charts but I would have been very cross to catch my children catching insects to harm them. So your instincts are right, and if you use a sticker chart then that is a fine way to deal with it just like any other undesirable behaviour.

Your DH is absolutely wrong - not all children do this. Caring for creatures is an important way to develop empathy.

toolazytothinkofausername · 07/10/2021 19:36

@SamMil

You're not being unreasonable - the world would be a better place if all children were taught to respect animals.
But it's still okay to "humanely" kill them and eat them Hmm
Swipe left for the next trending thread