AIBU to punish child for killing insects?

[Unsername1233]

This evening my DS and his uncle (strange age gap, uncle is 8 and DS is 5) were playing out in the garden. We have been watching this one particular spider who has welcomed the outside of our living room window as his new home. We have loved watching the different webs made etc. I thought they were playing nicely in the garden, however it transpired that they were finding insects to kill, including the spider in the window!

I am equally horrified as disappointed that my son has done this!

Anyway, I taken a star of his chart (which led to him not having his treat today - a small temporary minion tattoo thing!) and explained why this was wrong (although he already knows this!).

My DH thinks I’m being unreasonable as it’s “just something that all kids to”. I obviously don’t agree with this SO was I being unreasonable removing the star from the chart, therefore ending in no treat? I don’t want to raise a child who thinks this behaviour is ok!

What’s got to do with the price of fish@newtb ?
I think there’s a difference between swatting flies and de fleaing a cat and purposely going to look for insects to kill. I would’ve told him off. Keep an eye on the uncle.

Were they killing insects for fun, or were they simply being curious?

Preschool aged children do not understand that death is permanent. It is between the ages of 5 to 7 when children gradually begin to understand that death is permanent and irreversible.

I would not punish a 5 year old for killing insects. I would use it as a teachable moment. Children learn by repetition so this will be something to learn about many times.

There are books, websites and activities that have great ideas on how to facilitate interest, curiosity, observation and experimentation with nature and insects that don’t involve hurting them.

Pet Insect Terrariums: Creating A Bug Terrarium With Kids
www.gardeningknowhow.com/special/children/creating-a-bug-terrarium-with-kids.htm

25 COOL THINGS ABOUT BUGS!
www.natgeokids.com/au/discover/animals/insects/15-facts-about-bugs/

50 ACTIVITIES FOR PLAYING AND LEARNING WITH INSECTS!
theimaginationtree.com/50-activities-for-playing-and-learning/

Studying insects
www.giftofcuriosity.com/unit-study-insects/

@Unsername1233
Out of curiousity what will you do when he almost inevitably gets head lice, or you are perhaps staying somewhere and his bedroom is plagued with mosquitoes and repellent isn't working?

I think developing empathy and learning about how to care about nature and living things has to come from more than just showing how we relocate insects and spiders from our house to outside instead of killing them. It has to come from more than being told it is wrong and losing a reward as a consequence.

There has to be many opportunities for developing an appreciation and respect for nature and life by experiences, exploring, observing, play, activities, conversations etc.

Also, I don’t think your dh is wrong. I’ve known many kids who squash or step on insects or pull their wings off out of curiosity or even as part of a game because they do not think insects can feel it or suffer like other animals.

So, I really wouldn’t be jumping to conclusions that the 5 year old or 8 year old are deliberately being cruel or are budding psychopaths or serial killers.

@ShinyMe

I think you're absolutely right.

However I know a huge amount of adults who kill spiders, and joke about hoovering them up or flushing them down a drain, using the excuse that they're scared of them. I hate that too.

Same! I have a phobia of spiders so DH will always put them outside after collecting in a glass, last week there was one in the bedroom high up and he said it would just be easier to hoover it up as he was tired and it was difficult to reach but I made him use the ladders to catch it and put it outside. I don't agree with ever killing another living creature.

Yanbu. I don't allow my DC hurt or kill insects either, everything has a place.

People comparing swatting flies or getting rid of flees and other parasites are missing the point ... As an adult I have used fly traps in the kitchen (next to my back door) to prevent them landing on food (or anywhere, the are unhygenic).... disposing of slugs/snails ruining my homegrown food, or even flowers. ... But finding fun and joy from killing insects is different, its the intent, the reason... Good to teach empathy early on!

So you didn't take away a star he just didn't earn a star for good behaviour that day...

I think you were right but echo that you need to explain why it's wrong rather than expect him to know.

I did some horrible things to insects as a child and have not turned into a serial killer (although I did kill some flies the other day, and some maggots following a bin infestation, so maybe I am an insect serial killer!). I remember lots of other children doing similar around that age so some of the comments on this thread are frankly ridiculous. I think it's a teaching moment rather than a punishment one. As others have said he's probably seen adults killing insects so thinks it's ok. When I think back to my childhood insect murder, I definitely had not developed proper empathy at that stage as I know I wasn't bothered by what I did at the time but looking back I am pretty horrified. I was probably between aged 5 and 7 as I was old enough to play out alone.

@WildfirePonie

YANBU.

Killing animals, however big or small, is wrong.

Next time I have a maggot infestation you can come round and take them all outside nicely one by one and find them a new home.

I am pleased to read the majority of you would humanely take insects out of the house. About a year ago on a similar thread I said the same and was completely piled on - with people replying to my personal experience of doing this with “cool story bro”.

OP you did exactly the right thing.

I would just have a serious straight talk with him. and tell him not to kill insects etc, get the message across. Not sure what this star punishment stuff is. Never did things like that when my kids were young.

You might have to answer his questions though, if he has seen people swatting flies dead, and wasps in some cases. and me trying to get rid of slugs in various ways.

I think you were both right, yes kids often do that. But just because kids often do something, doesn't mean it's good behaviour or doesn't need to be corrected. Your punishment was fair.

It's one thing to kill an insect in your home because you are scared of them or they are a pest (flies) but to go out of your way to find and kill them is a bit disturbing.
Yanbu.

@NotMyselfWithoutCoffee

It's one thing to kill an insect in your home because you are scared of them or they are a pest (flies) but to go out of your way to find and kill them is a bit disturbing. Yanbu.

This argument is ridiculous. It's a garden. If you're in it, it will be full of insects and spiders. No one needs to "go out of their way and find them". I ruin spider webs all the time as they like building them on the washing line and outside /on the gate. Stepped on snails/slugs because they're everywhere and I don't always see them.

At 8 years old I'd be very concerned with why he hasn't been told it was very wrong earlier.
I've always said insects have family who care for them, even Mammy spider has to go to the garden to be with her DC.

YABU...because spiders aren't insects.

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

Telling him off is fine, a separate consequence if you really must also fine.

What you did with the reward chart wasn't fine. First of all the chart needs to be for specific behaviours you want to see and I doubt anything about insects was on it before today. Secondly, they are to reinforce and reward good behaviours, not to take a star away that he already earned. Effectively, you punished him twice, once by taking the star away and then by him not getting his treat. All you've shown him is that one wrong choice can negate all his good behaviour for the day.

P.S. DD catches/kills flies to feed to the garden spiders, particularly the small ones. What does that make her?

He did wrong, and suffered a consequence. How his parent chose to do that is her choice.

Your DD deliberately catching flies to watch them being eaten is bizarre. Maybe you need to look at your own child's behaviour.

Your DD deliberately catching flies to watch them being eaten is bizarre. Maybe you need to look at your own child's behaviour.

She's weird. I'm good with that.

Bet J D 's dm said that also...

@AccidentallyOnPurpose I think your daughter deliberately catching flies to watch them being eaten shows scientific curiosity.

We dissected toads in our science class at school. We also dissected a cow’s eyeball.

[quote ImustLearn2Cook]**@AccidentallyOnPurpose* I think your daughter deliberately catching flies to watch them being eaten shows scientific curiosity.*

We dissected toads in our science class at school. We also dissected a cow’s eyeball.[/quote]
Speaking of school this is something we all had to do as a project for school. Hunt,catch and kill our own insects, without squishing them so they'd still look good on display.
We're not a nation of serial killers.

@AccidentallyOnPurpose I do hope that school project was many years ago.
It’s horrendous to think children today would be encouraged to kill insects so pointlessly, especially as insects are dangerously in decline.