AIBU to punish child for killing insects?

[Unsername1233]

This evening my DS and his uncle (strange age gap, uncle is 8 and DS is 5) were playing out in the garden. We have been watching this one particular spider who has welcomed the outside of our living room window as his new home. We have loved watching the different webs made etc. I thought they were playing nicely in the garden, however it transpired that they were finding insects to kill, including the spider in the window!

I am equally horrified as disappointed that my son has done this!

Anyway, I taken a star of his chart (which led to him not having his treat today - a small temporary minion tattoo thing!) and explained why this was wrong (although he already knows this!).

My DH thinks I’m being unreasonable as it’s “just something that all kids to”. I obviously don’t agree with this SO was I being unreasonable removing the star from the chart, therefore ending in no treat? I don’t want to raise a child who thinks this behaviour is ok!

@Babdoc yes but would you go outside to purposely find insects to kill? I feel like it’s totally different, just mindless killing

@DoucheCanoe

Missing the main point but you're using the star chart wrong.

You should be reinforcing positive behaviour by giving, never take them away!

Yes, I can’t help but make the same point! Rewards that have been earnt using rules you’ve both agreed can’t be taken away. It’s like if you do something wrong at work - your employer can’t take away money you’ve earnt if you do something wrong; however, there are disciplinary procedures etc.

So you can (and should!) give appropriate consequences for unacceptable behaviour like killing insects.

I should add, alongside explanations as to why the behaviour is wrong and trying to build his empathy. He is only five and will have a very limited understanding of concepts such as life and death, pain, cruelty, morality etc.

@Finknottlesnewt

She didn't take anything away !! FGS read !!!

She just didn't award anything quite rightly . Teach that living things need compassion.

From the OP Anyway, I taken a star of his chart (which led to him not having his treat today - a small temporary minion tattoo thing!) and explained why this was wrong (although he already knows this!).*

I assume that of is a typo for off. Taken off generally means to remove or takeaway 🤦‍♀️

@SamMil

You're not being unreasonable - the world would be a better place if all children were taught to respect animals.

^ this I personally hate spiders shudders but will relocate any unwanted creature outside, unharmed. YANBU

We have a “you kill it you eat it” policy in our house
So

@DoucheCanoe please read previous comments

[quote Unsername1233]@PlanDeRaccordement it’s a tricky one, I have previously spoken with him about insects and how we don’t kill them (so he is aware it’s wrong). We always take insects outside which are unwanted in the house.

Him and uncle also chased our lovely cat out of the house around 3 months ago and also got a big telling off for that. I just can’t stand being cruel to animals and we had a big chat after the cat incident happened (and if something was happening which he knew was wrong, to come and get mummy).[/quote]
I know you have had the conversation about not killing insects and being kind to animals, but I think I would have had a conversation about peer pressure. Mostly because you don’t want him to start thinking he is responsible for his uncles behaviour and somehow being punished for not controlling a much order child.

Not unreasonable at all. One of my sons when young stamped on a snail and I went potty! I was furious.

@Unsername1233, I have.

I replied on page 1 before you clarified. I was replying to the poster who insinuated that people hadn't bothered to read the OP when it was the wording that caused confusion.

My mum and I fell out about this when my DS was maybe about 16 months old she was encouraging him to kill insects in the garden for fun. She would openly tell people about this and I would ask her not to as o thought it was awful.
In the end I had to have strong words and my son has learnt a healthy respect for all creatures and used to love me taking him to the woods in a big hunt to see what he could find

Crikey your DH is very wrong thinking all kids do this! Thats horrendous. You are right to make it a definite no in your household.

Your DH is wrong. All kids do not do that. They may, once, when they’re younger but at 5 they ought to have been taught that it’s wrong.

Insects are fantastic. We’d all be stuffed without them!
Trip to the library and a good insect book may help.

I would punish this behaviour severely. But your main concern should be for the older child who has obviously led your son and is old enough to know better. Psychopathic tendencies - I’d limit contact unless his mother is also punishing him.

You are in the right about compassion for living things, OP. You need to take one of your DH's privileges away

I have killed a carpetful of moths
There’s a difference between killing when necessary for human health, and killing indiscriminately for fun. The former is survival - the latter is a mental condition.

Well you could hardly give him a star for good behaviour after he'd been killing insects so yanbu

[quote Unsername1233]@621CustardCream438 Yes we have already had this conversation, and do a lot. Partly because we never kill insects which come into the house, and instead take them outside.

Most certainly led by older child, but have told him numerous times that he needs to do what he thinks is right.[/quote]
Sorry to point out, if you take a house spider or some other spiders out they will die slowly. They’re not evolved to live outside.
I’ll tolerate spiders in the house mostly..but I’m afraid I do “remove” spiders from my bedroom….I am phobic and can’t sleep with thought of them maybe crawling across me 😱. I also do “remove” anything that wiggles or undulates from the house- caterpillar or centipedey things …anything that undulates I do have a raving phobia about. Except snakes - I can do snakes fine…not that I get those inside🤣🤔

books.google.co.uk/books/about/Wild_Child.html?id=h5YMEAAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=1&redir_esc=y
This is the most beautiful book written by a teenager,nurture their interest in nature.

Am I wrong to draw a distinction between killing an I sent to remove form the house vs someone hunting out insects outside simply to kill them as per the uncle in this post? I sort of see it like killing rats inside the house- you have to get rid of them inside , but not outside unless they get wildly out of control as a population boom .

I wouldnt punish for this, I would explain why I thought it was wrong and try to build empathy. And obviously put an immediate stop st any repeat attempt. Adults getting all high and mighty about children killing insects for fun need to have a hard look at their own behaviour. Plenty of products for killing insects available in the supermarket and garden centre - and they are not bought by children.

Does no one ever swat a fly?

I can't believe it's been three pages and nobody has pointed out that spiders aren't insects!

YANBU about the punishment.

I encourage my child to! Horrible things

When I was a child (probably around age 7-10) I went through a weird insect killing phase. Ants under a magnifying glass, Catching things to place in spider webs, cutting worms up, putting 2 different types of spiders in a jar together to see which one ate the other and pulling legs out of big house spiders and catching bees/wasps/flies in a plastic pot which I had smeared with Vaseline then I’d watch as they tried to fly off after release but their wings would get stuck together and they’d drop. Looking back I think I was really awful!! I don’t know why I did it and I feel awful