Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

AIBU to punish child for killing insects?

126 replies

Unsername1233 · 07/10/2021 19:18

This evening my DS and his uncle (strange age gap, uncle is 8 and DS is 5) were playing out in the garden. We have been watching this one particular spider who has welcomed the outside of our living room window as his new home. We have loved watching the different webs made etc. I thought they were playing nicely in the garden, however it transpired that they were finding insects to kill, including the spider in the window!

I am equally horrified as disappointed that my son has done this!

Anyway, I taken a star of his chart (which led to him not having his treat today - a small temporary minion tattoo thing!) and explained why this was wrong (although he already knows this!).

My DH thinks I’m being unreasonable as it’s “just something that all kids to”. I obviously don’t agree with this SO was I being unreasonable removing the star from the chart, therefore ending in no treat? I don’t want to raise a child who thinks this behaviour is ok!

OP posts:

toolazytothinkofausername · 07/10/2021 19:38

Unless you are a family of vegans, YABVU!

Murder is murder, whether it be for pleasure or for eating their tasty flesh.

If you didn't like DS killing the insects you could have told him as a warning, you didn't have to take away the star he earned!

Aquamarine1029 · 07/10/2021 19:40

I'd be keeping a sharp eye on your child's uncle. An 8 year old should absolutely know that killing insects for "fun" is totally unacceptable. They might not be setting the best example for your son. There's a big emotional/intellectual divide between an 8 year old and a 5 year old.

Original poster

Unsername1233 · 07/10/2021 19:40

@toolazytothinkofausername please read previous comments about the warnings etc.

Also, its a personal opinion but I believe killing for food is completely different to mindless killing for the fun of it.

OP posts:

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 07/10/2021 19:41

[quote Unsername1233]@621CustardCream438 Yes we have already had this conversation, and do a lot. Partly because we never kill insects which come into the house, and instead take them outside.

Most certainly led by older child, but have told him numerous times that he needs to do what he thinks is right.[/quote]
So you don't kill fleas,lice,maggots,flies etc?

HotPenguin · 07/10/2021 19:41

You were right, I always reach my kids we only kill animals when we need to and also we should never go around destroying things for the sake of it. Just like you shouldn't stamp on flowers in the park.

QuestionEverythingBaby · 07/10/2021 19:41

Oh here comes the 'but you eat meat brigade'.......

Of course you were right OP. Make sure your little one understands why we don't kill/torture/disrespect creatures though.
I'd be having a word with his uncle too!!

Finknottlesnewt · 07/10/2021 19:42

She didn't take anything away !! FGS read !!!

She just didn't award anything quite rightly . Teach that living things need compassion.

suspiria777 · 07/10/2021 19:45

@Crumpledpancake

You are not BU. First insects, then what? Small animals? You are definitely right to punish him and make sure he knows it's not ok. Whenever I hear of a child taking delight in killing something then alarm bells go off. It could be the uncle's instigation. Keep your eye on him.

I agree with you but just to say: insects ARE small animals.

WorraLiberty · 07/10/2021 19:51

YANBU at all OP.

Fangdango · 07/10/2021 19:52

I think teaching him not to kill spiders is fine, but if he didn't know this a problem, I wouldn't punish him.

I bet he and uncle have seen lots of adults kill flies, ants, mosquitos, wasps, moths - maybe to a lesser extent spiders and bees. I don't see where kids would get the unambiguous message that killing insects etc is wrong, and I wouldn't expect them to work out on their own which bugs / vermin etc you're okay with killing - say you because adults have different attitudes on this.

PlanDeRaccordement · 07/10/2021 19:53

While I agree with you in principle (I am practicing Bhuddist), I don’t think I would have punished my child for this as he is only 5. I would have started a conversation about peer pressure and how hard it is to go against it. Especially when there is an age gap..big difference between 8yo and 5yo...and the older child is doing the pressuring. I think I would have taken the compassionate road on this.

WildfirePonie · 07/10/2021 19:54

YANBU.

Killing animals, however big or small, is wrong.

WildfirePonie · 07/10/2021 19:54

Killing animals for fun^^ is wrong.

Dillydollydingdong · 07/10/2021 19:56

Hardly a massive punishment anyway, is it? The trouble is, if he's allowed to think it's ok to kill insects, where will it end?

Original poster

Unsername1233 · 07/10/2021 19:56

@PlanDeRaccordement it’s a tricky one, I have previously spoken with him about insects and how we don’t kill them (so he is aware it’s wrong). We always take insects outside which are unwanted in the house.

Him and uncle also chased our lovely cat out of the house around 3 months ago and also got a big telling off for that. I just can’t stand being cruel to animals and we had a big chat after the cat incident happened (and if something was happening which he knew was wrong, to come and get mummy).

OP posts:

Thewitchonthemoon · 07/10/2021 19:57

I've always told my daughter off 3 for doing this. She didn't understand at first and stepped on a woodlouse deliberately but I won't tolerate it now.

Thelnebriati · 07/10/2021 20:00

Him and uncle also chased our lovely cat out of the house

If you know the children are being influenced by an adult, then you must also know that a punishment is blaming the child, when you are introducing the adult into the household.

If you don't want your kids to kill or chase animals, you need to teach them empathy. Its not a one time lesson and they mostly learn by example.

hedgehogger1 · 07/10/2021 20:01

No you've done the right thing

Aquamarine1029 · 07/10/2021 20:02

@Thelnebriati

Him and uncle also chased our lovely cat out of the house

If you know the children are being influenced by an adult, then you must also know that a punishment is blaming the child, when you are introducing the adult into the household.

If you don't want your kids to kill or chase animals, you need to teach them empathy. Its not a one time lesson and they mostly learn by example.

Read the op. The uncle is also a child of 8 years old.

44PumpLane · 07/10/2021 20:02

You took appropriate action, given your updates he knows the behaviour was wrong and he did it anyway. It was correct he shouldn't receive his last star which was related to the day's behaviour as it's a big infraction to kill insects for no reason.

We tell our 4 year olds they have to respect animals just going about their business "because how wouod you feel if someone did that to you when you're just going about your business"..... It weirdly makes them more relateable for the kids.

spotcheck · 07/10/2021 20:03

I probably would have had a conversation rather than make it putative.

WorraLiberty · 07/10/2021 20:08

@spotcheck

I probably would have had a conversation rather than make it putative.

The OP has already had a conversation, more than once.

QuestionEverythingBaby · 07/10/2021 20:10

After the cat chasing incident I'd be very wary of my child playing with his uncle. Who are his parents? Is there a reason for his behaviour?

Angelbaby1985 · 07/10/2021 20:17

Not saying it will happen but my brother inlaw age 12 did this age 16 he cut live baby mice up alive age 22 he tryed to rape me also has stabbed people its a sure thing to me kids that kill or Maine animals become people who go on one to reoffend and do worse

Babdoc · 07/10/2021 20:19

Ok put me in the naughty corner. I have killed a carpetful of moths, regularly flea treat my cat, and poisoned a swarm of wasps in my bedroom, fascia and roof.
And as a doctor, I have a very negative view of malarial mosquitoes, and ticks carrying Lyme disease.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6