To be terrified - please help me.

[WhoisRebecca]

Dd, 15, has started taking sertraline after being prescribed it by a private psychiatrist. She took an overdose last year and school refused towards the end of last year.

She is now behaving erratically- running into classrooms at school shouting that she’s going to kill herself, but then laughing - her teachers think she seems very hyper and ‘excited.’ She’s running off when teachers challenge her or swearing at them. She was never like that before this year.

At the weekend she went for a walk and texted a charity helpline, saying she had no bed and was going to jump on the train tracks. We had taken her bed apart because a new double bed was coming on Monday. There was a spare bed upstairs for her. Dd knew this. The police arrived and I was able to show them dd’s location - she had tracking on her phone. They quickly assessed that she had a safe home and did, in fact, have a suitable bed. This was a reaction to being told off because she had bullied a student at school.

She was put in isolation at school for a nasty incident towards another student. She can sometimes be loving and calm. At other times she is very very high and erratic. School had to send her home today. She struggles to attend lessons. I don’t know where to go from here and feel utterly desperate.

PS your DD may be too old for some of these services, but it's worth taking a look at what there is for her age group.

Hi WhoisRebecca

I have come late to your thread but I have read it all with concern. I feel so sorry for your poor daughter, and for you. It seems very unfair that she and your family have been failed so badly by services. It is so heartening to hear that your struggle to find answers has finally borne fruit; she is a fortunate young person to have you looking out for her and battling for her. I shudder to imagine what other people have to endure without that support and I am so relieved that the diagnosis is opening up better pathways for you all, not least for your suffering daughter.
My Godson was diagnosed as being ASD when about two. His younger sister also - but not until she was 18. Like you her mother fought tooth and nail for them. Thanks to that unwavering support my Godson, now 32, is able to live in a supported flat, while his sister is working, married and just had a little baby.
She has now written a little book to help people see what it's like living with Autism in a Neurotypical world (if you would like the link I can pm it to you?)

It breaks my heart to hear of your daughter's experiences on the SSRI. It brought back memories of when I was sectioned for the first time, exactly 22 years ago. If it is of interest to you, read on - if not, feel free to ignore.

I had been prescribed Seroxat (Paroxetine) for mild depression: within a week I was hospitalised as I rapidly became suicidal. Once I had been seen by the consultant the dose was doubled.
The side effects were traumatic: I couldn't eat, or swallow properly, or walk, collapsing onto the floor in a catatonic mess. While there I somehow absconded for a suicide attempt - and 2 days later was sent home as fit. I was 49 years old and had a husband and two lovely teenage children who were distressed by my behaviour (as was I).
What followed was difficult as my husband did not do what you did for your daughter: he walked back to his very busy job and left me to get on with it. Which I was just about incapable of doing.

Unlike you, he did not seek answers but accepted the verdict of the doctors without question. I was seen as self-centred. Attention seeking. Judged for being ill, for being different? Perhaps. Shame can come into it too. It broke our marriage.
I went on to have multiple attempts at suicide but thankfully failed. I was unstable in the extreme with wild mood swings and chaotic behaviours. After 9 months I took myself off it but it was horrible going through the withdrawals.

Two years later admission to another hospital saw me given the diagnosis of Bipolar disorder and I was trialled on Lithium, and many other anti depressants plus antipsychotics - all came with a heavy serving of horrific side effects. Now I am medication free and self-manage (My choice alone and I do not advise any other person to do the same: it's tricky and takes a lot of commitment).
Years later I found out that the very first psychiatrist had made a note on my file to say that whatever I did, I was never to be admitted to hospital again because I had Histrionic Personality Disorder...clearly not worth wasting time on or treating. Your daughter has had a very lucky escape.
The only reason for disclosing this is in the hope it might help others. I have a good life today and tremendous support - all hard won and very precious, guarded fiercely.

I wish you all the very best in your joint journey to managing the condition and look forward to a bright future.

Thank you for the support and advice. Dd managed an afternoon in school today and a meeting with the SENDCO is happening next week (I've been asking for that for months, but it seems only a diagnosis gets them to act).

Dd does go to a group run by the Youth Service that she enjoys. She went to an youth group for autistic teens (they accept teens on the pathway so this was pre-diagnosis) but she only did a few sessions and then didn't want to go. She needs to learn social skills and boundaries and manage friendships etc.

Dd seems much happier having the diagnosis. She messaged me to ask if everything was alright, as I had been in a really weird mood lately and I said I was just feeling as if things must have been really hard for her and I was glad she would get support now. She just replied - ok.

Dd seems much happier having the diagnosis.

That's great. And it's good to hear things are going a bit better for all of you!

So glad things are grtting better.

I've applied for an EHC needs assessment. The SENCO at school said she would recommend I did it that way as Dd is year 11, so it might be quicker doing it myself. School will obviously have to send their reports etc. I just hope it doesn't get turned down.

If the LA do refuse to assess or refuse to issue appeal, the majority of appeals are upheld. And if the LA do agree to assess make sure all the necessary advice is sought, including from SALT, OT, psychiatrist &/or clinical psychologist.

Dd has been very withdrawn today. She's not been to school and hasn't left her bedroom all day.

Dd was excluded from school today for being rude and abusive to the deputy head. She had asked to be left alone and unfortunately said 'I don't care what you have to say' to him. He continued to follow after her and insisting she speak to him now, although she was agitated. Dd needs time to calm down when agitated and so this situation was entirely predictable.

I’m so sorry to hear of all you’re going through.
I’m really surprised the school would exclude for that given what’s going on for your DD at the minute, not very supportive of them.

I do think they've been heavy handed. I'm frustrated that they don't seem to be able to give her a calm space to go or deal with her calmly.

I'm considering challenging the exclusion. I think this has happened because of her disability. School have been made aware of the strategies they should use and have failed to follow them.

Do challenge the exclusion. Is it a formal exclusion with formal paperwork and not an illegal exclusion?

It is a formal exclusion.

She was rude to the deputy head. She asked him to stop talking and leave her alone and he followed her.

Just bumping this. I feel really stressed and like I'm not coping. It's just the not knowing when I can stop fighting.

Jesus, do not give SSRIs to anyone who isn't suffering clinical depression. You'll make them worse.

I remember your thread from before you’ve been through a lot. Challenge seems a good idea. I’m sure someone with experience will be along soon fo help but in meantime just wondered what help you have in real life as this feels like it is a bit of a marathon you’re running. I’m sorry that it all feels like a fight. You’re doing the best thing by your daughter

Flowers 💐

The school have definitely not followed her plan she needed the safe space and that was denied. I think appeal it. Hope things start to level off a bit soon

I'm gearing up for the reintegration meeting following her exclusion, but I am feeling very stressed.

I did have a phased timetable at work where I had four non teaching hours a fortnight to give me a bit of breathing space, but my GP note has finished and I'm returning to full time now. I've had to ask for lots of time to attend appointments for Dd and now this meeting.

DH can be supportive but I'm not sure he fully understands what I'm going through.

We got dd's cognitive scores. She has an IQ of 80 and is in the extremely low range for processing speeds (first percentile!) and is low average in every other area. She now gets 25% extra time in exams, but her scores were so low we could apply for 50%.
She can have a scribe for exams, but she's chosen to use a laptop instead.

That's in addition to her ASD. The school now know that I'm aware of the law relating to exclusion and I think they will support Dd a bit more from now on. I expressed my concern that the SENCO had not previously been aware of Dd and her needs.

She's clearly a vulnerable young lady who needs support.

Well done for fighting your daughters corner so well!

It's been a while - but just to update. The LA Educational Psychologist has suggested that Dd have 3 hours a week with a learning mentor, two hours a week with a counsellor or coach and three hours a week with a member of the SEN team. She has also suggested social media training. This has gone into her report for the EHCP so I am hopeful that Dd will get more support at college.

@WhoisRebecca how it's it all going? 😊