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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be terrified - please help me.

376 replies

WhoisRebecca · 07/10/2021 17:13

Dd, 15, has started taking sertraline after being prescribed it by a private psychiatrist. She took an overdose last year and school refused towards the end of last year.

She is now behaving erratically- running into classrooms at school shouting that she’s going to kill herself, but then laughing - her teachers think she seems very hyper and ‘excited.’ She’s running off when teachers challenge her or swearing at them. She was never like that before this year.

At the weekend she went for a walk and texted a charity helpline, saying she had no bed and was going to jump on the train tracks. We had taken her bed apart because a new double bed was coming on Monday. There was a spare bed upstairs for her. Dd knew this. The police arrived and I was able to show them dd’s location - she had tracking on her phone. They quickly assessed that she had a safe home and did, in fact, have a suitable bed. This was a reaction to being told off because she had bullied a student at school.

She was put in isolation at school for a nasty incident towards another student. She can sometimes be loving and calm. At other times she is very very high and erratic. School had to send her home today. She struggles to attend lessons. I don’t know where to go from here and feel utterly desperate.

OP posts:
WhoisRebecca · 12/10/2021 12:57

It does, yes. She refused to do school work during lockdown. She’s a lovely girl and she genuinely wants her exams, but she just can’t. All I can do is keep her calm and safe and give her opportunities to do the work. School were desperate, they have no idea how to help her either.

OP posts:
Reallyimeanreally2022 · 12/10/2021 13:01

Based on all that you have said

I do not think this is a reaction to anything specific such as setraline

Your poor daughter suffers from a very serious mental illness that has had a very sudden deterioration, a breakdown of sorts.

WhoisRebecca · 12/10/2021 13:06

I suspect she’s autistic tbh. With ADHD.

OP posts:
ProcastinationStation · 12/10/2021 14:59

Push the pathway assessment - we cancelled ours because the experts felt that it was more a mental health issue - I think my DC has both.

I may ask for it to start up again but I don't know if it's worth it - it all depends how dc feels about it.

Before we had any kind of diagnosis, we assumed they had ASD an adapted our life and behaviour as you would for a child with ASD - it helped enormously. dc also had a 'tool box' - headphones, wearing them whenever needed, fidget toys, weighted blanket etc.

WhoisRebecca · 12/10/2021 16:47

I’ve booked to have the assessment privately. We have been on the NHS waiting list since December with no news.

OP posts:
MrsKrystalStubbs · 12/10/2021 17:16

Sorry OP have you looked into autism with pathological demand avoidance? Look up the PDA society website. My DS has this and he can appear extremely ‘high functioning’ (I don’t support the use of that word, it just explains things more easily) but he isn’t and can’t cope with some fairly basic things despite being ‘highly intelligent’ in an academic sense. And Axa won’t fund anything to do with autism or autism diagnosis. We tried and it is excluded from their policies. We pay privately for all my DS’s therapy and psychiatry.

gunnersgold · 12/10/2021 17:35

Have you stopped the medication? Sounds like a bad reaction !

WhoisRebecca · 12/10/2021 17:40

I’ve reduced the dose, but I’m not stopping without the advice of the psychiatrist. I have looked at PDA and it does seem to fit Dd. She’s been calm and happy today with no school, though she’s not been able to do any online work. She’s not able to focus at home.

OP posts:
Reallyimeanreally2022 · 12/10/2021 17:48

@gunnersgold

Have you stopped the medication? Sounds like a bad reaction !
It doesn’t It sounds like a very natural sudden deterioration in an existing mental health That is now stabilising due to OP’s responsiveness
bigbeatmanifesto · 12/10/2021 18:08

Family member started out just like this half way through year 9 getting into trouble and fights, calling the police because she couldn't find her shoes, generally very disruptive at school and dismissive of structure, she would also cut her hair and tell teachers her mum had done it.
Personally I I've always found her lovely to be around very funny and playful and full of emotion and compassion for others.
She was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, ADHD & has been going to therapy on and off since she was 15 she's not happy about taking meds and is very obviously different when she's not taking them, ending up in trouble with the police many times and each time she has has been when she's come off her meds 'for a break' as she puts it.
That's not to say what your child is going through is the same but I think it's worth going deeper on her behaviour as there could be something else worth looking at.

WhoisRebecca · 12/10/2021 19:48

She’s meant to be doing her mocks from home next week. She doesn’t want to do them at home and became distressed and angry when we talked about them (initiated by her). I’m thinking of just telling her not to do them and telling school the same.

OP posts:
ProcastinationStation · 12/10/2021 20:57

Mine couldn't cope with anything, no school work, reading, watching videos of lessons was far too stressful. Everything was too much. Would just play video games or watch films.

They are now in college, resitting the GCSEs that they couldn't get because no evidence or assessment and doing a BTEc.

If you'd told me 6 months ago that they would be doing this I wouldn't have believed it in a million years, honestly. I spent years thinking that part of it was just not wanting to do any work. I was completely wrong.

My DC is a different person and I believe it is the medication and the fact we took them out of school and just took the pressure off all of us.

Friends would say 'GCSEs' don't matter - they can retake them - even when they are an adult and I remember thinking that they would never be able to do it, so it's now or never.

I wish I had just said 'enough' much sooner. Spending a year out of school was more therapeutic and positive than going in and not learning because of the high anxiety that came with being there.

There is always hope.

WhoisRebecca · 12/10/2021 21:02

Thank you @ProcastinationStation. That is my instinct with Dd. She can’t do it right now and it’s damaging her self esteem to try to force it.

OP posts:
DarlingFell · 12/10/2021 21:05

Sorry to hear this, OP. Could she be bi polar?

Wilkolampshade · 12/10/2021 21:11

Hello OP. I have had to deal with similar. Can totally agree with @ProcastinationStation. Just focus on helping her to get well myove. She can do exams anytime. College, adult Ed, access courses, whatever. Just later. Doesn't matter. As a very good friend once said, after her DH nearly died, 'He' s breathing. Breathing is good. '
Bless you and hang on in there. Xxx

WhoisRebecca · 14/10/2021 12:49

She’s at home still and has been texting me because I removed the vapes I found in her bag. Apparently I should let her vapeHmm because it helps her mental health

OP posts:
FluffyWhiteBird · 14/10/2021 19:53

A comment like that makes you wonder what she's vaping. If she's no money where did they come from?

WhoisRebecca · 14/10/2021 20:41

My mum gave her twenty pounds when she stayed there. They are just nicotine vapes - I found them - but I’m not condoning her doing that.

OP posts:
WhoisRebecca · 23/10/2021 09:29

I asked for a youth worker and I got a call today from a family support worker. I’m wondering if they’ve got it wrong.

Dd needs a youth worker. I don’t particularly need a family support worker. I’m a professional, experienced with working with teens, financially secure with access to private health care. I’m articulate and can advocate for Dd myself. My other two dc are thriving. I’m finding it a bit intrusive, but I didn’t want to refuse when she rang in case she thought I was being obstructive. I’m still waiting to hear from the youth worker that Dd actually needs!

OP posts:
procratinationstations · 24/10/2021 16:41

We had one - it helped enormously. I'd underestimated the knock-effect o the rest of my children (I'd welled very hard to try to combat this), it was also nice to know I had someone to talk to. Your DD needs her your youth worker too but I wouldn't turn down the family support.

procratinationstations · 24/10/2021 16:42

Sorry, didn't have glasses on.

That should have read 'knock-on effect' and 'worked hard'

WhoisRebecca · 24/10/2021 19:28

I feel a bit better about it now, I guess there’s no shame in having some support.

OP posts:
procratinationstations · 24/10/2021 21:02

Please kept saying to me, and still do 'you need to look after yourself' and 'you need your own support'.

Took me a while to get my head around this. I find it hard being the lynch pin in all this, but I am. You can't go under because it would be disastrous.

It's very hard but you're not on your own.

WhoisRebecca · 24/10/2021 21:29

Thank you. It is very hard and I think I need to realise that it’s not a weakness to accept help. I like things to be perfect. The house has to be clean, I like to do well at work etc - so I feel embarrassed that someone is offering help. It’s as if I’m not good enough.

OP posts:
OverweightPidgeon · 24/10/2021 21:39

I’m so sorry you are all going through this, I had similar with my dd , she was expelled from school fir similar behaviour and did no school work at all for the 6 months before her GCSE’s . She was allowed to take them and managed to get 5 all grade c - I was over the moon tbh . I wouldn’t worry too much about exams just concentrate on her health xxx