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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What are your opinions on Be Kind?

106 replies

Lordwhatitis · 07/10/2021 12:08

I feel like it was something that was started with good intentions that people now use with an alternative agenda.

I saw on Instagram this morning that a local restaurant had screenshotted a review someone left on their Facebook account. The review itself was not nice and included an uncalled for insult. The post included the restaurants reply telling her not to come back. The caption to the post was a lengthy one about being kind, which I agree with and would have thought it was the right way to respond but they included the persons name and profile picture in the post.

I think they could have gotten the same point across (even better) if this was hidden. I’m sure they did it on purpose.

I read the comments and a few have pointed this out but the rest are name calling her as a Karen and saying it was the right thing to do. I even saw the woman being tagged in the post. So AIBU in thinking people use this as a means to an end?

OP posts:
Movingsoon21 · 07/10/2021 12:19

It’s dumb. People use it as a platitude to mean “do what I want”. The only people I know who refer to it IRL are really horrible people who use it to mean “don’t call me out when I’m a dick”.

I’ve also seen it used with the meaning “don’t have your own boundaries, do what I want you to do”

MintJulia · 07/10/2021 12:31

Be Kind is stuck to our fridge. But in our house, being kind is defined as

be calm & polite
listen to each others point of view
show each other basic consideration
If you disagree, try to find a compromise
If you can't find a compromise, agree to disagree calmly, and leave it at that.

It applies to everyone. It can get a bit lengthy but it teaches debating skills and dispute resolution.

AutistAwayWithUrConditionalLuv · 07/10/2021 12:46

I agree with MintJulia. This is my opinion of be kind.

Never followed bandwagons, including the BeKind one, because so many people bastardise it with their own interpretation or misinterpretation, usually for their own selfish interests.

PinkFootstool · 07/10/2021 12:55

Be Kind is an absolute crock of shit.

It came about following someone's suicide (not naming her, it's pointless), however had it been a man who was in the same position as her, no one would have given two shits let alone quoted some trite post from their Instagram.

It's been utter bollocks from day 1 and I can't support it. It's also trotted out in response to disagreements where the person using it is in the wrong and somehow feels aggrieved.

Hoppinggreen · 07/10/2021 12:57

I have never aspired to be Kind
There are a lot of things I would rather be as I associate kindness with shutting up and putting up.
I tend to live more by “don’t be a Dick”

woodhill · 07/10/2021 12:58

@MintJulia

Be Kind is stuck to our fridge. But in our house, being kind is defined as

be calm & polite
listen to each others point of view
show each other basic consideration
If you disagree, try to find a compromise
If you can't find a compromise, agree to disagree calmly, and leave it at that.

It applies to everyone. It can get a bit lengthy but it teaches debating skills and dispute resolution.

Yes I would agree with that
MyPatronusIsACat · 07/10/2021 12:58

@Lordwhatitis #BeKind is a crock of shit. I fucking hate it with a flaming passion. For one thing, it's almost always exclusively aimed at GIRLS (and women.) And also, it almost almost comes from people who are rude and obnoxious cunts, and the irony is spectacular.

mbosnz · 07/10/2021 12:58

I've noticed that people are very keen on other people being kind. They are far more relaxed on it, when it's them in the hot seat to 'be kind'.

Dozer · 07/10/2021 12:58

Your OP is unclear!

Sn0tnose · 07/10/2021 12:59

Be Kind can fuck right off. Because it may have started with the best of intentions but it has morphed into a ‘shut up and don’t ask questions’ and is really only ever directed at women who are sick of putting up with shit.

And as pointed out on the thread about supermarket clothing, it’s drummed in females from a young age. It’s aimed at making girls and women doubt their boundaries. A boy at school is behaving inappropriately towards a girl and the response is ‘be kind, he wants to be your friend. Try harder not to make him hurt you’. It’s insidious.

Dozer · 07/10/2021 13:00

So on social media the business was naming / sharing the woman who had left the negative review and suggesting that she should have ‘been kind’?

AphroditeGoddessOfLove · 07/10/2021 13:00

@PinkFootstool

Be Kind is an absolute crock of shit.

It came about following someone's suicide (not naming her, it's pointless), however had it been a man who was in the same position as her, no one would have given two shits let alone quoted some trite post from their Instagram.

It's been utter bollocks from day 1 and I can't support it. It's also trotted out in response to disagreements where the person using it is in the wrong and somehow feels aggrieved.

Exactly this!
IhateBoswell · 07/10/2021 13:00

Hmm, the biggest bitch I know chirps it regularly on Facebook. My eyes roll out of my head each time I read it now.

ilovesooty · 07/10/2021 13:00

Be kind would be more effectively phrased as the expectation that people respect themselves and others.

PinkiOcelot · 07/10/2021 13:01

It’s shit and makes me want to scream!

idontlikealdi · 07/10/2021 13:01

Virtue signalling at best

MyPatronusIsACat · 07/10/2021 13:02

#BeKind is the new 'stop nagging.' And as I, and some others have said, it's almost ALWAYS aimed at WOMEN and girls.

DamnUserName21 · 07/10/2021 13:02

@PinkFootstool

Be Kind is an absolute crock of shit.

It came about following someone's suicide (not naming her, it's pointless), however had it been a man who was in the same position as her, no one would have given two shits let alone quoted some trite post from their Instagram.

It's been utter bollocks from day 1 and I can't support it. It's also trotted out in response to disagreements where the person using it is in the wrong and somehow feels aggrieved.

Very much agree.

Besides, people aren't obliged to have kindness, even if it is great trait beneficial to society.They ought to be polite, civil, and non-aggressive, IMO.

FFSFFSFFS · 07/10/2021 13:03

It’s a way of controlling women and girls

Original poster
Lordwhatitis · 07/10/2021 13:03

This is the post I was talking about

www.instagram.com/p/CUpJTzGtH0y/?hl=en

Am I wrong in thinking they essentially said BE KIND, but here is this persons full name and photo so you can find her account and send her hate. Essentially the opposite to what Be Kind is supposed to mean? Obviously not justifying her post at all but it just doesn’t sit right with me that the post has over 1000 likes and loads of comments.

OP posts:
JacquelineCarlyle · 07/10/2021 13:04

[quote MyPatronusIsACat]@Lordwhatitis #BeKind is a crock of shit. I fucking hate it with a flaming passion. For one thing, it's almost always exclusively aimed at GIRLS (and women.) And also, it almost almost comes from people who are rude and obnoxious cunts, and the irony is spectacular.[/quote]
This!

skatewanker · 07/10/2021 13:06

@PinkFootstool

Be Kind is an absolute crock of shit.

It came about following someone's suicide (not naming her, it's pointless), however had it been a man who was in the same position as her, no one would have given two shits let alone quoted some trite post from their Instagram.

It's been utter bollocks from day 1 and I can't support it. It's also trotted out in response to disagreements where the person using it is in the wrong and somehow feels aggrieved.

I agree.

Poetnojo · 07/10/2021 13:08

@PinkFootstool

Be Kind is an absolute crock of shit.

It came about following someone's suicide (not naming her, it's pointless), however had it been a man who was in the same position as her, no one would have given two shits let alone quoted some trite post from their Instagram.

It's been utter bollocks from day 1 and I can't support it. It's also trotted out in response to disagreements where the person using it is in the wrong and somehow feels aggrieved.

This. It's used to keep people in their place. Utter shite.
Wazzzzzzzup · 07/10/2021 13:11

[quote MyPatronusIsACat]@Lordwhatitis #BeKind is a crock of shit. I fucking hate it with a flaming passion. For one thing, it's almost always exclusively aimed at GIRLS (and women.) And also, it almost almost comes from people who are rude and obnoxious cunts, and the irony is spectacular.[/quote]
Agreed!
It gives me aame eye roll tick like "pff, educate yourself"

NailsNeedDoing · 07/10/2021 13:13

The whole be kind thing is separate to businesses that leap on the back of it to defend their poor service.

If this woman is being harassed online because she told the truth about poor service, and being made to wait 20 mins for drinks is poor service, then there is something very wrong with this business. I expect there will be plenty of people who are dignified enough not to get into an online brawl, but have made a note never to go to that restaurant again.