Am I wrong for not wanting this photo shoot?

[Plantmams]

So I have a 6 month old daughter.
Mentioned to my mother in law that I’d love to get some photos of DD when she’s young as well as some family ones with myself DH and my husbands son. I found a photographer I love but money is tight so I’ve put it off (I didn’t tell my mother in law this)
About a month ago my MIL said she had a voucher for a local photographer ( my MIL knows him) and we could use it for a family photo shoot which is so lovely of her. However after asking my DH it turns out that my DH and his ex did the exact same shoot with the same photographer when my DSS was about the same age- I’ve seen the photos and as soon as my MIL mentioned a photo shoot I just knew it was the same
one. MIL and FIL also got in on the photo shoot when DSS was a baby and still have some of the photos.
DH doesn’t have any of those photos as all of the ones of him have his ex in. (For context DH, MIL and FIL are all civil with the ex but don’t like her for reasons I won’t disclose on here)
I know my MIL has offered this as a wonderfully kind gesture but am I the arsehole if I turn down the photo shoot? Something about using the same photographer and doing the same shoot just makes me quite upset to be honest… or should I just suck it up and do the photo shoot?

I don’t think it matters really. Unless you’re worried that your in-laws will insist on being in some of the photos again and you don’t want them to.
Were the previous photos good?
Would you eg not go to a restaurant that your husband went to with his ex?

Sorry, I think YABU
It’s just a service you buy like anything really. And at least you know the photos will turn out nice. Some photographers are happy to take your money for really bad photos.

I think it goes with the territory TBH, being a second wife; there may be other things in time too so maybe time to harden up those feelings.

(i'm trying to say this with kindness though it may come across differently)

I think it's ok to go. The photos won't be exactly the same because obviously your child isn't the same as your dss. How different would photos really be from photographer to photographer anyway? Plus you've never seen the previous ones so you won't even be able to compare them. It's a nice thing for your mil to have done for you and it's not worth rejecting her gift over this I think.

YABU. What does it matter that it’s the same? It would be awful of you to turn down her lovely gesture for no reason.

Thank you everyone!
My in laws being part of the shoot wouldn’t bother me.
The photos are not my personal preference as they are very ‘staged’ - lying on your stomach with you head in your hands being one of the go to poses- but I didn’t want to come across as ungrateful.

MIL payed for the shoot with DSS and has now offered this voucher for me to have one so I know it’s coming from a place of kindness

What does “doing the same shoot” mean? Are you imagining that you’ll show up and a set out outfits will still be hanging there from 8 years ago and everyone will make the same poses?

Just ask for the shoot to be outside/with a different backdrop.

Don't be ridiculous. It's a shoot with YOU and YOUR baby. It couldn't be more different. The photographer obviously did a good job first time round or your mil would not want to use them again. And you haven't even seen the first ones! I don't get why you would say no at all or that it would even cross your mind to decline what is a kind and thoughtful gesture

Further context- I have seen the photos from DSS photo shoot and I have looked at the photographers photos - he mainly does photos for the local paper so doesn’t specialise in family photography- as I said I don’t want to come across as ungrateful.

Sorry I also think YABU, and oversensitive.

@deadgood That’s exactly what I think!
The photographer uses the same back drop, poses, colour theory everything so yes, my photos will look very similar to the last shoot.

I think you’re being a bit ungrateful / unreasonable.

You married someone with a child from a previous relationship. The experiences your husband had with his ex won’t ever go away and can’t be erased. You have to make peace with the fact that his firsts are different from your firsts, and embrace the life you now have with him.

Okay - thank you everyone! I will stop being so silly and set up a date for the shoot ❤️

[quote Plantmams]@deadgood That’s exactly what I think!
The photographer uses the same back drop, poses, colour theory everything so yes, my photos will look very similar to the last shoot.[/quote]
I also wouldn’t worry about this - almost all family photo shoots use the same backdrops and poses. You can tailor it to you by bringing specific toys / books etc that your baby likes, to make it personal.

Would the photographer do alternative locations? Sometimes they'll do outside shoots or even just different backgrounds in their studio. I think that would help you as the photos wouldn't look so much the same.

@MadamMedea
Great idea!
I’ve even thought of just having the photos of the kids minus me and DH

It’s not the “same shoot”. There are different people in it.

Eh, I wouldn’t love this either. I hate photo shoots and wouldn’t really want to take part in one if I already knew I didn’t like the photographers style; and I wouldn’t want to retake the photos DH & an ex had, it feels oddly likely filling her shoes, and that must be weird for DHs other child.

It might not be the mature response, but I can see why you’re a bit put out.

@TakeYourFinalPosition
This is what I was thinking. I don’t want my photos to look like a ‘recreation’ of the old ones?
And not really liking the photographers style too I just felt a bit lost.

It would be coming across as ungrateful to decline, OP. If you don’t like the poses suggest, suggest something else at the time that you’d prefer (and works well with setting). You can always save up and get the one you want at a later date. It sounds like it’s this photo shoot or no photo shoot at all? I’d definitely happily take a free photo shoot over nothing.
Don’t offend your MIL. :)

Thank you everyone ❤️
I’ll end this thread now if you don’t mind as you’ve all helped me realise I’m just being stupid 😅
So I will arrange the shoot this weekend with MIL
Maybe even do a Christmas theme for the children.
Thank you everyone! Xx

Do you use the same supermarket as the ex? The same roads as the ex?

YABU, it's just a service, surely it doesn't matter that the ex was there at some point too

I wouldn't be keen to be honest but then I don't like photoshoots or the photos that come from them.

Why dont you jot down some ideas of which kind of poses you would like, to do or be in take your own props - toys etc and tactfully suggest to the photographer that you would love something like ta lovely photo of you making your child laugh or hugging etc.
At the end of the day, you are in control of how you sit and pose - you just have be tactful when you suggest it. A

You never know, it might turn out really nice - I hope it works out for you.

Ignoring all the other issues, if you aren't too keen on the style / posing in the photos previously / on his website maybe spend some time online (Pinterest) and find some staged photos you do like to take with you for inspiration.

Maybe not possible with equipment but you could enquire if he'd be willing to do an outside shoot as they tend to be more "natural".