Is it awful to stop buying presents for DNs?

[PressieFatigue]

Name change for obvious reasons. Very controversial issue but I'd appreciate some advice.

SIL has 4 DC and is expecting her 5th. For the last decade she has had a baby every couple of years like clockwork. It feels like the gift giving parade never ceases; it's always someone's birthday or it's Christmas. They're very well spread out!

I used to pitch in with sorting cards and gifts but had to step away as we have been struggling to conceive for years and it's all just very upsetting for me.

DP is disorganised. He's like a headless chicken with these presents and cards. He doesn't want to give the eldest ones cash in a card because he wants to make an effort. Which is one of the things I love about him, but he always leaves things to the last minute and it's usually fine - but his luck has run out.

He just had a bit of a falling out with SIL because he missed one child's birthday. She has accused him of being selfish and not caring about her DC, etc.

We stopped doing adult presents a couple of years ago because it was just token gifts being exchanged. I was wondering if it would be awful to stop sending presents to the nieces and nephews too? The DC never go without, BIL and SIL spoil them rotten at every opportunity and of course the grandparents do too.

I'm probably being unreasonable, but just wanted to run this past the MN panel before broaching the issue with DP. I'm so sick of the stress and the aggro.

TIA x

[PressieFatigue]

Thanks everyone, I've decided to butt out and not say anything. I think i was just in a very bad place when I posted this.

[dutchessmom]

I am sorry you're struggling ttc as well. It can be difficult and painful to have to be involved with children, nieces etc, I understand that.

In your position, I would leave your partner to deal with the gifts if you're not comfortable, but I wouldn't stop the gifts if its not a financial issue.

[Klac30]

Do you have children? I assume not because no mention. Definitely still send cards but keep money spent minimal, if any. 5 presents is a lot! Or buy them some kind of shared gift - which may suck, I don't know but I can totally understand! Or maybe even just some colouring books and pens (unsure on ages) but can be cheap!

[Klac30]

@Klac30

Do you have children? I assume not because no mention. Definitely still send cards but keep money spent minimal, if any. 5 presents is a lot! Or buy them some kind of shared gift - which may suck, I don't know but I can totally understand! Or maybe even just some colouring books and pens (unsure on ages) but can be cheap!

I just read the part of your op and out Ttc - I missed that part, apologies for being insensitive and asking if you had children. My
original point still stands. It doesn't sound like your Nieces and nephews need the gifts!

[WhereIsMumHiding3]

@PressieFatigue

Thanks everyone, I've decided to butt out and not say anything. I think i was just in a very bad place when I posted this.

Yeah. Your DH sorts it out. If he keeps leaving it late and causing you strsss. Suggest the Amazing gift voucher/card way forward. Teens prefer this and tbh she's on baby 5 now! Most people would have gone up gift cards by baby3!

I'd suggest a budget to him though, as it's getting v expensive and you may need your money for other things..

[Asj0405]

I have 3 dc, my dh sis has none but she does have 7 other nieces and nephews it was costing her a fortune and it really didn't seem fair. I asked if she would rather call and take them to the park for an ice cream/hot choc on their birthdays, they love spending the time with her it's become a bit of a tradition. I appreciate you live further away and may not be an option for you but I think sometimes adults place a lot more importance on gifts than children do. I suppose they may feel differently if they have a small family and don't receive any other gifts but for us it works, once you get past a couple if children, the house seems to be full of toys with no where to put them as they all get passed down. If you can get there at some point and take them all out for the day to a park etc I'm sure they would love it, if not send a book or similar straight from amazon (if you have prime won't cost on delivey) and either mum can wrap it if needed but mine love receiving something from delivery company in their name doesn't even have to be wrapped they will rip the box open wondering who has sent them a personal delivery. Again not every child is the same but please do not feel any pressure to spend £50 a child every occasion no one I know would expect that!

[RandomMess]

I think you need to scale back how much you spend.

Christmas you buy a family gift such a board game.

For their birthdays they get a gift of £10-£20. Clothing with receipt can be an ok choice?

Have a cut off for when you stop such as 16.

I can imagine it's very painful with all the new baby gifts and pre-schooler gifts when you are TTC