Feel like a failure - leaving teaching

[Anonbee]

I have just started my fourth year of teaching (primary), I have always found it challenging but since September I now know for sure that I cannot do this forever. I feel like I'm losing myself in the job, I have no work life balance and I am now at the point of feeling depressed and struggling to sleep at night with the worry.

I am terrified to make the jump to a new job, and worry that I will be jumping from the frying pan into the fire. I don't know where to begin, because I have never had a non teaching job. I cannot shake the feeling of being a failure if I leave and that my three year teaching degree has been a total waste of time and money. I feel so broken with it all, I am on autopilot just trying to make it through each day and then spend my evenings fretting knowing I have to return tomorrow. Sunday's are consumed by anxiety about the week ahead. I'm not sure exactly what I'm wanting from this thread, I think I just need somewhere I can share how I'm feeling.

I'm an ex teacher and totally get it. I left after 15 years and retrained as an occupational therapist. I was burnt out and exhausted. It takes over your life and I was sick of working evenings and weekends. Even during holidays you can't switch off. I was unhappy for years before I left. I always tried to give my all to the children but I found it so so hard. I knew I couldn't keep it up until retirement.

My DH is a teacher in a big private school and its HARD. he goes between managing ok and wanting to leave.

I work in the civil service and teachers are definitely able to get jobs there. there's loads of different roles so I'm sure you'd find something to suit. the applications and interviews are capability based.

also have you considered a more pastoral role in a boarding school?

Before you leave the profession, try a new school. If still unhappy, leave. Don't accept the stress - life is too short.

Your doing the right thing. Life is too short. Your wellbeing and quality of life is more important than a specific job. Don't worry, it hasn't been a waste of time, it's shown you what you don't want. Onwards and upwards. Good luck.

I've been teaching 17 years and would leave now if I could match salary and pension elsewhere.

Fortunately found a part time 4 days a week job and feel I work to live. Full time is live-to-work.

would do it now before you trapped by the salary and pension.

It should get easier with experience but if you leave then your degree and experience isn't wasted, just part of your lifetime learning. You can get a job doing something connected with education (Department of Education used to value teaching experience in civil servants, for example) or not. You can always return to the teaching career in the future.

Good luck.

I worked at a software company and we had a training department to teach the clients how to use the product.

Maybe you could look into something like that.

There are lots of transferable skills that teachers have. Look on job sites and see if anything piques your interest and suits your talents.

I think the tipping point in teaching was reached a few years ago and it’s just got more and more difficult. I think part time just means you do the work, just don’t get paid for it. If the 1275 hours goes as well, teachers will probably be having even less work life balance than they do now.

You have a degree, you have skills, you are not a failure. Lots of people with degrees end up not working in the field they studied. You’re young and it’s miserable being unhappy in your job.

Bear in mind resignation dates. The next is the end of this month to leave at Christmas.

Oh god I could have written this. Except I've been teaching for nearly 12 years. It's killing me.
I've taught Reception for most of those years and I feel about 90, not 40. The work load is impossible and I feel like I'm failing every single day.

On top of this, I've been a single parent for 6 of those years, my son is still only 8. I can't afford to retrain as I'm paying a mortgage on my own.
I couldn't even think about anything else right now anyway as I cannot think straight most days, the thought of interviewing makes me panic.

I love the children and the actual teaching and I know I'm actually very good at it. I hate the CONSTANT scrutiny, the lack of trust in my professional knowledge and total lack of autonomy. I'm sick of filling in endless spreadsheets, interpreting data and having goalposts constantly moved (in a cyclical way).
I'm feel absolutely broken. But I can't get out.

My daughters teacher left after a few years for the same reasons. He was a fantastic teacher.
Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Every other person on my team used to be a teacher OP..

I felt like this and knew after a few years teaching I'd get sucked in and not leave, so I handed in my notice. Got a job in an LA working in the SEND department on more money than teaching and less stressful. They gave me a loan to complete a masters (conversion course) part time and I worked flexibly around my study.
I then completed a doctorate and am now an Educational Psychologist. In between my masters and doctorate I also had a child. Being an EP works brilliant for family life.

There will be many opportunities out there, you just need to find which one best suits you. Good luck!

Right then. You have come to the right place. Lots of people on Mumsnet have been there and done that, including me. As a newly qualified teacher I didn't handle the stress well and, at the time, felt that it was a waste to leave. I can assure you that it is more of a waste to stay in the long run if you are unhappy. Your degree is not a waste. It is still a qualification. Also, how could you possibly have known that you would feel this way when you embarked upon your educational journey which tries to get you to start thinking ahead to a 'career' when you are but a teenager with no experience in the world. You are definitely not a failure. The system is. When I left my confidence was at an all time low. I left and took an admin job at the Civil Service and although it initially felt deadend, I ended up shuffling through different departments and took small promotions until I ended up settling in a professional role within the organisation and after a few years, they paid for me to do an MA. Since having children, I have however, become a stay at home mum. Work or a career is no longer a priority- my children are. I am in the process of now setting up a cake business from home which I can balance with the school run. Many of the mums I know do similar creative jobs that allow them to work for themselves. I think that it is really important that you stop and have a think about what 'success' actually is before deciding that you are somehow a failure! Success is not about having a job that you don't enjoy, so that other people, who you don't especially care about, think that you must be successful. Neither is it about getting up at 6 am and commuting all hours for a job title that sounds impressive and a start that allows you to buy brand named goods and photograph on Facebook. Success is a much broader concept. Put simply, it is setting out to do something and achieving it. I am actually one of the most successful people that I know. I am constantly told how 'lucky' I am by many of my career driven stressed out friends, stuck in jobs that they don't enjoy, but unable to let go. One of my main aims was to be there for my children and to be able to have time to sit down and watch rubbish TV and eat biscuits. In that respect I am highly successful. As you get older you start to realise that a 'career' is just a job and you generally care far less what others think. So firstly stop comparing yourself to others. It is pointless and unhelpful. Secondly, address your stress levels. The calm app has good meditation/relaxation sessions and great sleep stories which have helped my insomnia no end! It has made a really big difference. Once you feel a little less stressed, start to develop a plan. I have a psychologist friend who says that often we don't need to make huge decisions in order to make a big difference. I would firstly suggest asking to drop down to four days a week. You are allowed to work part time and many teachers do. One day off a week could make a huge difference in terms of shifting the balance from 5-2 to 4-3. I did this for a short time a few years ago when I felt a bit burned out. It was great. You could also ask to then drop to 3 days a week and get some voluntary work or a part time job working in a child related field. My friend works for the council in child protective services, for example. You could tutor, help run after school or holiday clubs or just do something completely different. The civil service can be a great option as it's still pretty gentle, there are lots of opportunities to move to other departments and find your niche. It can be pretty dull, but it's generally not massively stressful. You could also become a childminder, work in the education department at a museum or similar or even teach literacy to adults in the evenings, if you wanted to stay in a teacher related job or even foster. For most of us there is no such thing as a lifelong career. It's just a series of jobs to pay the bills. I'm afraid that your early twenties can be brutal as you set out in the world. But it does get much much easier as you get older. So address your anxiety, decrease your hours, if you can and try to have a 1 year or six month exit plan.

Also,I know someone who left and retrained as a speech and language therapist. She now gets to chose her own hours and doesn't have to work flat out.

I don’t know anything about teaching other than what 2 of my teacher friends tell me, they are always talking about “planning”. Is it the amount of admin involved in the job that you don’t like? Is it the particular school? Is it the fact that your with kids day in day out? Would you consider going to work for Ofsted? (Sorry don’t know if that’s the done thing to move from teaching to ofsted) x

I'm planning my escape too after 7 years. I just need to go back after my 2nd mat leave to avoid paying money back. I'm already having nightmares about it!

Please don't feel like you've failed. I felt like that too, which I think is why I stuck with it for so long. Honestly experience and being part time doesn't help, it still takes over your life and you have the same ever increasing responsibilities to squeeze into less time. You're young now and it will get harder to leave.

The best advice I've been given is to get friends to talk in depth about their work so you can get an idea of what you might enjoy. Also write down all your skills that employers might be interested in, this really helps with recognising your strengths and the parts you enjoy. Also do speak to your GP if your mental health is suffering, please look after yourself.

Good luck! Remember, leaving a crap situation is brave, not weak!

I left after 3 years. Consider doing some unpaid work experience in the half term / Christmas holidays. I did a few days at 2 agencies, unpaid, but both offered me entry level jobs, starting around 20k, then in 5 years I was earning over double that through promotion. Marketing, private sector. Nothing to do with training etc, just good application of presentation skills, organisation, time management, project management and client relationship building. I wouldn't have got anywhere though if I hadn't done that work experience unpaid. I approached a couple of marketing agencies and asked if they wanted some free support. Good luck

OP, do not feel like a failure. You're young, you've tried something out, you can move on with no shame whatsoever. I did 5 years after a PGCE and then got out. I way out-earn my teaching salary in what I do now. I don't see it as a waste; I learnt a lot, some of it was very fun and I've taken the teacher skills of timing, planning, explaining things and fast response with me. Teaching is thankless and it's been getting worse for years. Unions are toothless. No matter how enjoyable lessons were, at least I get paid overtime now! I will say though, I enjoyed a spell in an indie school. I wouldn't go on supply for a zillion dollars though!

You are not a failure! Teaching these days is HARD and takes over your life. As others have said, I love actually teaching the kids and seeing them "get" something new. I didn't go into teaching to fill in spreadsheets of pupil progress data or be interrogated about why a certain child hasn't made a certain number of % points of progress!

Most NQTs/ECTS now will not stay in the profession for many years. They will burn out and go looking for a better work/life balance. I taught primary for 24 years. My last school as a class teacher had a bullying head who expected us to do the impossible and would have liked us to stay in school 24/7.

Financially, I was in a place where I had the luxury of choosing to become an HLTA as I could afford the wage drop, had paid off mortgage etc. Now I work in a lovely school where the staff work/life balance is much better managed. I get to teach classes about 70% of the week but don't have to do the planning or assessment. The rest of the time I act as a TA. My experience, flexibility and skills are very much valued. I get to leave at 3.30 instead of marking till 6! I take no work home.
I get that you are not in a position to do something like this. But do try a different school - there is so much difference if you can find a school where the staff are treated decently and not expected to be machines. If it's still not for you - and everyone deserves to have a life outside work - there are other careers where your skills will be valued. I have other colleagues who quit as class teachers. One works in a unit for children with SEND, one works with excluded children, one is a dyslexia specialist, one runs her own business selling teaching resources, one is an HLTA like me. Somewhere out there, there are other possibilities for you. Good luck!

Are you good with technology? If so, you could consider a career in learning technology or learning design. ALT shares jobs in its weekly digest: www.jiscmail.ac.uk/cgi-bin/webadmin?A0=alt-announce

I left teaching after about fifteen years so I get you. Get out now while you are still young. Here's what I recommend. Take some time to think about your interests and skills and what bits of the job you like and your strengths. Find a career counsellor ( they charge obviously, but see it as an investment) discuss all the above and pick a path that you would like to follow. Then see how you can get the max amount of experience within your current role to use on cv to demonstrate transferable skills eg volunteer for an inset day , mentor a student teacher etc. Then put your cv together and apply for jobs. This can all be really hard working full time. If there was any way to drop hours and days to give you more time or even job shadowing in your chosen field , do it as a temporary measure. You have a mortgage - could you take in a lodger ? Rent the whole place out ? All a means to an end, but definitely get a plan together

What is it about teaching that you didn’t like? I think you need to understand that before you jump into a different career.

I have been teaching 12 years, secondary so different to primary. However, I would say don't write it off completely just yet, the last two years have been the hardest of my teaching career, this has been the same for colleagues with similar or more experience.

You have had 4 years, 1 NQT, 2 covid crazy, and this one which covid is still impacting. It is really hard to quantify why its relentless currently, but you are not alone.

Take a break, take time to reconsider your plans, but it may not be the end, just the wrong time, wrong school, or it may not be for you.

Good luck.

I know lots of teachers that have become TA’s due to the stress.
I left the profession I worked hard to get into because it was becoming not what it used to be. It’s sad, but you need to look after your MH.
I recently went part time as I was waking up at night thinking about the job, thinking about it on days off too. I decided to do my job, and no more. Now I sleep well at night and feel so much better.

leave. It is just not for you in the current conditions of employment.

or go part time if you can afford to live. no more than three days.