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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about birthday presents?

98 replies

Rajono · 04/10/2021 19:13

It's my birthday this week, and asked my DP a few weeks ago for my birthday to bring my 2 DS to our shopping centre and let them each choose a present for me. I'm not a big birthday person, as I have my children's birthdays near mine so I'm normally concentrating more on them, but liked the idea of each of them choosing and buying something themselves for me. I've just spoke to my partner and found out he hasn't done this, and instead this morning on the way to school asked them what to get me, and then will get it tomorrow. I told him I feel upset, as it wasn't a big request, and he apologised, but didn't see it as being a big deal. He has had plenty of opportunity to do as I asked as I work weekends so could have done it when I was at work, he just hasn't bothered. AIBU to feel upset that he didn't do as I asked?

OP posts:
Footprintsonthemoon1 · 04/10/2021 19:15

Sorry but I think you are being unreasonable. How old are your dc?

Original poster
Rajono · 04/10/2021 19:19

@Footprintsonthemoon1

Sorry but I think you are being unreasonable. How old are your dc?
They are 6 and 9. I liked the idea of opening something on my birthday, and finding out why they chose what they chose for me
OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 04/10/2021 19:19

As long as DH gets something thoughtful that the DCs have chosen I don't think you can dictate how they buy it. Especially at the moment when we are still in a pandemic.

Porcupineintherough · 04/10/2021 19:24

YANBU - he's had a whole year to sort this out. Please treat him as badly as he's treated you when its his turn.

Original poster
Rajono · 04/10/2021 19:36

@GhoulWithADragonTattoo

As long as DH gets something thoughtful that the DCs have chosen I don't think you can dictate how they buy it. Especially at the moment when we are still in a pandemic.
It's my birthday on Wednesday, so he's left it to the last minute, which is what I'm bothered about. I always make a big deal out of his birthday, and never ask for anything on mine, so I feel disappointed that he didn't do the thing I asked for
OP posts:
NotYourCupOfTea · 04/10/2021 19:40

But he is getting you something they want to get you?
How many shops did you want him to drag them round til they found something

NatriumChloride · 04/10/2021 19:41

Urgh I’m in two minds about this. I think making your DH make your kids go and choose something for you is a bit cheesy and weird. I wouldn’t expect individual presents from a 6 and 9 year old.
However clearly this meant a lot to you and you did ask your DH to do it and he didn’t , which isn’t good of him either.
Maybe you should tell him that you’re hurt and that next year you do expect him to take the kids out to choose a present for you.

iamjustlurking · 04/10/2021 19:41

I am not a big Birthday person either
But this would definitely upset me, it's not much to ask.
I was a lone parent this would have made my year if someone had done for me instead of having to take and fund it myself.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/10/2021 19:41

Is he their dad?
YANBU if so.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 04/10/2021 19:42

@NatriumChloride

Urgh I’m in two minds about this. I think making your DH make your kids go and choose something for you is a bit cheesy and weird. I wouldn’t expect individual presents from a 6 and 9 year old. However clearly this meant a lot to you and you did ask your DH to do it and he didn’t , which isn’t good of him either. Maybe you should tell him that you’re hurt and that next year you do expect him to take the kids out to choose a present for you.
Teaching children (especially boys!!) to be thoughtful about birthdays and choose presents that their loved ones will appreciate is a really good lesson to teach and not cheesy or weird at all.
Rainbowqueeen · 04/10/2021 19:43

I’d be disappointed too.

And I’d match his energy moving forward for his birthday

esloquehay · 04/10/2021 19:43

"I'm not a big birthday person", but implodes when DP doesn't do as asked/demanded.
🙄

MaenadsJustWannaHaveFun · 04/10/2021 19:43

I don't think dragging two kids around the shops sounds like much fun for anyone, least of all the kids.

I don't do birthdays, though.

winterchills · 04/10/2021 19:45

YANBU it's a simple request. He's had all year to arrange and it's the thought of them picking something you would like. I would be annoyed

NotFrozen · 04/10/2021 19:46

Sorry OP but I’m with your partner on this one

ChamberofSecrets69 · 04/10/2021 19:46

Did he say why he didn't do it? I'm just curious as to whether or not he has a genuine reason

Original poster
Rajono · 04/10/2021 19:50

He is their real dad. I dont mean dragging them round the shops all day, I just mean bringing them to a supermarket and letting them choose something. Because my birthday is so close to DS, my birthday goes on the back burner (by my own choice) but this year I just wanted a couple of gifts chosen and bought by the kids as they're a bit older and thought it would be nice, and just feel a bit disappointed that it didn't happen that way, as I always put alot of effort into his birthday

OP posts:
Summersun2020 · 04/10/2021 19:51

Sorry op I do think you’re being unreasonable and a bit silly. 2 days isn’t really last minute, it’s hardly petrol station flowers on the way home from work. And he’s asked the kids what they’d like him to buy. There’s so many thoughtless dickhead husbands on here who barely even grunt happy birthday at their wives, be grateful you don’t have one of those.

Original poster
Rajono · 04/10/2021 19:51

@ChamberofSecrets69

Did he say why he didn't do it? I'm just curious as to whether or not he has a genuine reason
He just said time got away from him and all of a sudden it was a couple of days away
OP posts:
Clymene · 04/10/2021 19:51

I think you're envisioning an activity which is about fantasising how it would be if he were you. Where he would be giving your children guidance on what you might like, steering them to a carefully curated selection of shops and helping them choose. Like what happens in films.

If he is typically a shit present giver, this isn't what would happen. What would happen is harried and panicky dad would take your kids around randomly like pinballs, getting increasingly harassed and panicky as time goes on. DS2 chooses you a £2000 ring. Husband snaps that he's being ridiculous. Everyone cries.

Of course he may be a lazy arse. But in my experience, shit present givers don't turn into great ones once they have kids.

FionnulaTheCooler · 04/10/2021 19:54

But he's asked the children what they would like to give you and is going to make it happen in time for you to have gifts to open on your birthday? It's not like your birthday has gone past and he's not done anything.

DGFB · 04/10/2021 19:55

But if they are deciding what to buy and he’s getting it, what does it matter how it was shopped for? The kids are still choosing. I also think it’s a bit weird and controlling to say that they must go out and get a gift in a certain way

MissChanandlerBong81 · 04/10/2021 19:55

I think that’s a bit crap of him. You asked him to do something and he didn’t do it. I honestly don’t think taking a couple of kids to a shop and letting them pick something is a big ask. And I agree with a previous poster that encouraging children to think about gifts and what another person might like to receive is a positive thing.

kowari · 04/10/2021 19:55

@GhoulWithADragonTattoo

As long as DH gets something thoughtful that the DCs have chosen I don't think you can dictate how they buy it. Especially at the moment when we are still in a pandemic.
Are you not in the UK? Everything is open as normal where I am.
SickAndTiredAgain · 04/10/2021 19:57

He’s getting you presents that the children decided on. I don’t see what difference it makes if they weren’t there to physically get them.

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