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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To just ask for support from you all

450 replies

marthasGinyard · 04/10/2021 17:30

My previous names are only1scoop and MarthasGinYard I've been around years.

I suffered from anxiety for a while and was in a very unhappy relationship which ticked on for the sake of our daughter I guess.

In Feb/March this year I became ill with gastro issues and ended up having an awful time I had a breakdown. I vomited blood was losing blood ended to with scan after test a week in hospital all the time being scorned by my partner of 13 years. "I'll be glad when you have cancer" was among one of the things he said to me. I spent a night in a mental facility just to get away. He told me continually he didn't love me, was abusive in front of our daughter. I was struck with a horrid post nasal drip never encountered before and awful pains. More tests scans. Was left with a nasal voice but it went away. I was left with premature cataracts which I believe can be caused by oxidative stress. I spent 2 months with zero sleep in a continuous state of hyperventilation.

June I started to get better. Symptoms abetted and I wanted to leave. I calmly asked for my share of equity and the abuse flooded out. I was cabin crew for almost 23 years and always worked. After abuse I called police and came to a refuge where I have been since the beginning of July.

I started to get positive for mine and DD's new life and solicitor was handling the other stuff. I have some good friends but no family that can help much.

The only medical issue I still had was a strange vibration still in chest and a pressing feeling had started on throat. Gp puts everything down to anxiety and I wasn't worried about these symptoms but wasn't anxious at the time quite the very opposite.

Mid august I had a tremor start in my left thumb. The twitching then became bodywide. The GP did basic bloods which were ok and it didn't go. I went to see a neurologist privately but I felt all was put down to anxiety. I had an EMG test performed which was clear but very early on only 2 weeks following twitching,

The ladies at refuge have heard how I have been spoken to by old GP's and sent me to a new one. She saw the fasiculatiions and my scalloped swollen tongue twitching I explained my speech has changed and she has tried to expodite my neurology appointment with NHS. She took me seriously and examined me thoroughly.

I'm terrified this is MND bulbar palsy. I am woke with involuntary swallowing and throat feels all odd.

Benign fasiculation syndrome was suggested by Neuro but he didn't even look at the fasics. I've looked into this and it seems common amongst the young and fit sports type with big thumping twitches. Mine are tiny ripples some I barely feel but only see.

I'm terrified I will leave my Dd without her mum and with the horrible father we left.

I don't even know why I'm posting I just after being on here for so long wanted some MN support. I'm so lonely and frightened in this nitemare.

If anyone remembers me and can just offer support I'd be so grateful.

OP posts:
TerriblyNaice · 02/01/2022 00:07

Oh Sweetheart. I just want to give you a huge hug.

WheresMrMonkey · 02/01/2022 01:44

I’m so so sorry x

SquirrelG · 02/01/2022 03:54

No advice OP, but I'm so sorry to hear all that you have had to go through. I hope everything improves, you get some answers/help, and you and your DD can have a happy future. Hugs. Flowers

marthasGinyard · 05/01/2022 18:32

Thank you

OP posts:
Gagagardener · 05/01/2022 19:30

So sorry you are having such a hard time. I hope things improve soon for you. You've done really well getting out of your horrible relationship. Thinking about you and your hopes and fears. Flowers

WhatisanODP · 06/01/2022 19:01

Sounds awful. Just wanted to say I hope it’s not as bad as it seems.

marthasGinyard · 08/01/2022 00:25

It gets worse by the day by the minute

OP posts:
Hunderland · 08/01/2022 00:52

Op I know you aren't taking this onboard at present but you just cannot underestimate what stress can do to your body, and coupled with health anxiety everything you're feeling feels so real but if it was what you think it is it would have been diagnosed.

I know someone who went deaf through stress - hearing aids in both ears - after the stress went, the hearing was restored. And a student who lost their sight due to exam stress which also came back when they recovered from the stress.

Please stop looking up your symptoms and accept that if the doctors haven't found anything it's not because they don't want to or are negligible, it's because although you feel awful, you don't have what you have self diagnosed yourself with.

Stay strong for your daughter, buy / rent a place and live a happy life together.

marthasGinyard · 08/01/2022 16:18

I've been told it's watch and wait 3 more tests scheduled thankfully all NHS abd they've got me in quickly. Sadly the Dr can't just say yes or no, they certainly aren't prepared to at moment.

I hold onto a tiny piece of hope which is hard when your tongue resembles ripples of worms at rest and your body doesn't stop rippling.

Despite being told on other thread my spinal mri was normal they've referred me within 2 weeks to Neuro surgeon for opinion.

OP posts:
marthasGinyard · 08/01/2022 16:19

I don't look up 'symptoms' or Google anymore there's no point.

OP posts:
marthasGinyard · 08/01/2022 16:23

Legal aid has now all been agreed

Thank goodness

For someone whose worked all their life this stuff is all Alien. Been here 7 months now. Whilst his our dd attends school 5000 a term. He's just asked for money for the 'school bus'

Out of my 600 a month universal credit I don't think so.

OP posts:
marthasGinyard · 08/01/2022 16:24

Ps thanks for all the Thanks
I'm sending you all kind wishes and the meadows of county wildflowers I dream of
ThanksDaffodilThanksDaffodilThanks

OP posts:
HikingforScenery · 08/01/2022 16:35

Aww OP. That sounds hard. Sending you light and loves and all the positivity I can will over to you! Flowers

FredWinnie · 08/01/2022 17:14

So so sorry OP
Hugs, support, a listening ear here too
Flowers Flowers Flowers

NigellaLawdaughter · 11/01/2022 07:23

When are the next tests?

It's bad enough with the physical crap, but then to have to deal with your POS ExH, just makes it so much worse.

(Perhaps even the onset of all the physical crap.)

I hope that you'll fully recover, and will bounce back to the marthasGinyard of Olde!

I have posted support for you on here three or four times already (I change IDs a lot) and think of you often.

Hang in there, dear cyber friend. ❤️ Flowers

NigellaLawdaughter · 11/01/2022 07:28

@marthasGinyard

Legal aid has now all been agreed

Thank goodness

For someone whose worked all their life this stuff is all Alien. Been here 7 months now. Whilst his our dd attends school 5000 a term. He's just asked for money for the 'school bus'

Out of my 600 a month universal credit I don't think so.

Why is he such an arsehole?

Praying for you to be well, @OP. 🙏

marthasGinyard · 11/01/2022 15:14

Nigella

Bess you thank you so much.

My GP has referred me to an out of area specialist who is an expert so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that gets sorted.

I'm seeing the Neuro surgeon tmrw re the mri.

I was procrastinating with one of the workers at the refuge and bought up some stuff they class as safeguarding so it's all getting worse here. My dd is with me in the interim. The report was made without my knowledge.

I honestly just don't know what will happen next.

OP posts:
RalphLaurenG · 14/01/2022 12:32

How did your appt go? X

OMGisthisforreal · 14/01/2022 12:55

Hi OP
I’ve been following and wondered how you got on with Neurosurgeon on Wednesday.
I frequently check on your progress but haven’t posted before as I’m not sure I can offer any comfort. However, I thought I’d post just so you know that there are lots of us here silently reading and hoping, and it’s not just the the few that post that are listening to you and wishing we could help in some way.
x

marthasGinyard · 15/01/2022 00:13

Thank you both
Appointment awful

Just confirmed the mri stuff wouldn't be causing fasics and the swallow problems. He examined me including tongue

Referred me for some specialist Ct scan of head which should show if still any csf leak etc but I'm not sure it would show historic ones evidence etc from April I have emailed to ask and to Neuro,

Social worker seeing dd early next week. My heart is breaking for her.

OP posts:
Bluesparkled · 15/01/2022 03:24

We’re still here listening OP. I’m so sorry you’re going through such a hard time- I think of you often, even if I don’t post.

RalphLaurenG · 15/01/2022 11:43

I'm so sorry it wasn't more positive for you. Keep posting here as and when you feel like it because you will have SO much support.

I'm in the SE just in case you're local. X

thepeopleversuswork · 15/01/2022 11:49

No specific advice but sorry to hear what you have gone through.

marthasGinyard · 15/01/2022 18:33

Thank you all Thanks

OP posts:
marthasGinyard · 15/01/2022 18:33

I'm trapped in a nitemare

OP posts:
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