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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To just ask for support from you all

450 replies

marthasGinyard · 04/10/2021 17:30

My previous names are only1scoop and MarthasGinYard I've been around years.

I suffered from anxiety for a while and was in a very unhappy relationship which ticked on for the sake of our daughter I guess.

In Feb/March this year I became ill with gastro issues and ended up having an awful time I had a breakdown. I vomited blood was losing blood ended to with scan after test a week in hospital all the time being scorned by my partner of 13 years. "I'll be glad when you have cancer" was among one of the things he said to me. I spent a night in a mental facility just to get away. He told me continually he didn't love me, was abusive in front of our daughter. I was struck with a horrid post nasal drip never encountered before and awful pains. More tests scans. Was left with a nasal voice but it went away. I was left with premature cataracts which I believe can be caused by oxidative stress. I spent 2 months with zero sleep in a continuous state of hyperventilation.

June I started to get better. Symptoms abetted and I wanted to leave. I calmly asked for my share of equity and the abuse flooded out. I was cabin crew for almost 23 years and always worked. After abuse I called police and came to a refuge where I have been since the beginning of July.

I started to get positive for mine and DD's new life and solicitor was handling the other stuff. I have some good friends but no family that can help much.

The only medical issue I still had was a strange vibration still in chest and a pressing feeling had started on throat. Gp puts everything down to anxiety and I wasn't worried about these symptoms but wasn't anxious at the time quite the very opposite.

Mid august I had a tremor start in my left thumb. The twitching then became bodywide. The GP did basic bloods which were ok and it didn't go. I went to see a neurologist privately but I felt all was put down to anxiety. I had an EMG test performed which was clear but very early on only 2 weeks following twitching,

The ladies at refuge have heard how I have been spoken to by old GP's and sent me to a new one. She saw the fasiculatiions and my scalloped swollen tongue twitching I explained my speech has changed and she has tried to expodite my neurology appointment with NHS. She took me seriously and examined me thoroughly.

I'm terrified this is MND bulbar palsy. I am woke with involuntary swallowing and throat feels all odd.

Benign fasiculation syndrome was suggested by Neuro but he didn't even look at the fasics. I've looked into this and it seems common amongst the young and fit sports type with big thumping twitches. Mine are tiny ripples some I barely feel but only see.

I'm terrified I will leave my Dd without her mum and with the horrible father we left.

I don't even know why I'm posting I just after being on here for so long wanted some MN support. I'm so lonely and frightened in this nitemare.

If anyone remembers me and can just offer support I'd be so grateful.

OP posts:
marthasGinyard · 13/11/2021 23:27

What will happen to my beautiful girl

OP posts:
Dirtymicrobe · 13/11/2021 23:40

Do your brothers live near you? Although you say you’re not close, do you think it may be an idea to let them know what you’re going through? What about your ex, does he know what’s happening?

BookFiend4Life · 14/11/2021 01:17

Just love your sweet girl as much as you can every day. Whether you have days or years, what she will remember is her loving mama. Wishing you all the best.

Mysa74 · 14/11/2021 20:25

Still here for you Martha... Do you have anymore (good) doctors appointments? Maybe you can work out a plan?

WeLovetoBoogieonaSaturdayNight · 18/11/2021 08:46

@marthasGinyard ~
Any changes? Have you had any other tests/results?

So hoping that things will improve for you. ❤️

Have you been able to get back to your house yet?

WeLovetoBoogieonaSaturdayNight · 23/11/2021 06:04

@marthasGinyard ~
I really hope you are okay, and are hanging in there.
Perhaps you can post a new thread in the Health topics, for some real support.
Meanwhile, I, and many others, are keeping you in our hearts. ❤️

marthasGinyard · 23/11/2021 13:42

I'm dreading Saturday it's a trip from the refuge to see Father Christmas and dd really wants to go. I know it will be my last Christmas with her. I want to cry when I look at her I'm struggling.

I'm trying to get enough of the post nasal drip so new GP can send to lab as CSF leak is probably still there but just to a lesser degree.

I am living a nightmare and it's going to get so much worse. How on Earth has this all happened. My gut feeling I should have known.

Symptoms are getting worse on a weekly basis. GP thinks once speech therapist see's tongue I will get an urgent referral. It's so uncommon but it's been picked up like that before I've read.

Reading about the link with the proteins it makes an even bleaker outcome so prognosis will be short. I don't want dd to see me like it.

Thanks for the kind messages

OP posts:
PatterPaws · 23/11/2021 13:55

Thinking of you Martha and sending positive vibes your way. DaffodilDaffodilDaffodil

justustwoandmoo · 26/11/2021 23:47

@marthasGinyard

I'm dreading Saturday it's a trip from the refuge to see Father Christmas and dd really wants to go. I know it will be my last Christmas with her. I want to cry when I look at her I'm struggling.

I'm trying to get enough of the post nasal drip so new GP can send to lab as CSF leak is probably still there but just to a lesser degree.

I am living a nightmare and it's going to get so much worse. How on Earth has this all happened. My gut feeling I should have known.

Symptoms are getting worse on a weekly basis. GP thinks once speech therapist see's tongue I will get an urgent referral. It's so uncommon but it's been picked up like that before I've read.

Reading about the link with the proteins it makes an even bleaker outcome so prognosis will be short. I don't want dd to see me like it.

Thanks for the kind messages

Just read all of your post and just wanted to reach out and say I am thinking about you. Life sounds so difficult and the pain comes across intensely. Here for you xx
IamAgnes · 27/11/2021 02:53

Hi there,
Please pm me if you would like to talk. I understand that you feel like you want to be on your own, but please reach out if you ever feel like chatting to someone.
Xx

Tenohfour · 27/11/2021 03:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluesparkled · 27/11/2021 03:12

Thinking of you OP

scarpa · 27/11/2021 03:44

@Tenohfour

Message withdrawn at poster's request
Wanted to agree and add to this - my mum went through a battery of tests after twitching, gastro issues, very changed speech, even the post nasal drip type symptoms, the whole lot. They weren't initially sure if she'd had a stroke or had a degenerative condition or something...

Turns out it was severe stress and PTSD and after proper treatment (including EMDR) the symptoms eased.

scarpa · 27/11/2021 03:45

That's not to say it's not utterly terrifying, OP, but that even as it seems hopeless there may well be a much less scary cause. I hope things improve for you soon.

rainbowstardrops · 27/11/2021 05:01

Sending positive vibes to you. You're going through such a tough time Thanks

groovergirl · 27/11/2021 05:32

Holding hands with you, Martha. Just RTFT. Flowers

Without trying to minimise what you're going through, I just wanted to second PPs that chronic, prolonged stress can manifest itself in very strange ways. Three years ago I had numb hands and could hardly walk. Thought I had rheumatoid arthritis. It turned out to be coeliac disease, which sometimes makes itself known after a period of extreme stress (in my case, divorce, family deaths and career failure) coupled with a hidden gluten intolerance.

Stress is not just a mental thing; it affects the gut and other organs.

I do hope your doctors come through for you and life turns around very soon.

marthasGinyard · 27/11/2021 20:20

Thank you for all your kind posts.

Dr actually called an ambulance the other day as symptoms so bad. Two Drs assessed me and as no actual Neuro department sent me home.

However, It's bought my nhs apt to this coming Wednesday. Only a general neurologist but at least they are taking me seriously.

It means so much to have your kind words

It's actually like living in a nightmare.

We did Father Christmas today and I kept it together. Dd knows I'm an emotional soul so a little bubble over wasn't too traumatic for her.

OP posts:
marthasGinyard · 27/11/2021 20:23

Agnes

That is really kind

OP posts:
helplesshopeless · 29/11/2021 08:44

Hello OP, I've just caught up on your thread. I am so sorry for all you have been through. How are things today? Thanks

marthasGinyard · 30/11/2021 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

marthasGinyard · 30/11/2021 22:50

Goodness knows how bad this is.

'Moulding' could that have been caused by csf leak

Narrowing of spinal chord plus all sorts of other stuff which appears linked to MND and it's just getting worse.

I've never even had back ache in my life.

OP posts:
ClaraMumsnet · 30/11/2021 22:55

@marthasGinyard there is a lot of identifying info in your photos so we've removed the post. Please do feel free to repost with the identifying information cropped out.

marthasGinyard · 30/11/2021 22:58

Thank you

OP posts:
marthasGinyard · 30/11/2021 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

HopeMumsnet · 01/12/2021 14:33

Hello there! Sorry about this but could you try again? We could still make out the name. Could you crop, perhaps?

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