Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think surely you wouldn’t leave your sick child?

80 replies

Sadlifeee · 04/10/2021 02:34

So I’ve posted about this yesterday but I need some clarification because I seem to doubt myself a lot these days. I can’t ask my friends because I am embarrassed.

My baby was ill and in hospital due to his first febrile seizure, he had a high temperature and was not very well. His dad and I don’t live together but are in the process of sorting things out. Or we were. Anyway he sat with us at the hospital for a while but it was a one parent only in so I took our son, I told him he may as well go home because it will be hours. I didn’t get home until the early hours with 0 sleep. Whilst I was at the hospital he told me he may go out Sunday evening. I just said so you’re going to leave me here at the hospital 0 sleep and go out. He just got annoyed.

Our son is okay still under the weather. He checked in with us all morning and then told me he’s going out. He went out, he didn’t come to see our baby, he didnt offer to come over instead of going out. My family asked where he was and I had to lie because I was embarrassed that he wasn’t here. I wouldn’t of been able to leave the baby. I know they are common but he still is poorly and I was running on 0 sleep. AIBU to say any normal person wouldn’t leave their child

OP posts:
LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 04/10/2021 02:37

Yeah be is a shit father isnt he. And partner. A really shut partner.

What is there to work out? Why arent you together atm?

Original poster
Sadlifeee · 04/10/2021 02:40

I don’t really know any more. He was trying so hard I thought he had changed. He makes me feel like I’m expecting too much

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 04/10/2021 03:07

He's not only leaving your child, he didn't care what you needed. He's probably training you to doubt yourself. He shouldn't have to try it should come naturally. You'll have a lifetime of him letting you both down and you getting more resentful and frustrated.

owlbethere · 04/10/2021 03:23

It’s not even about leaving the baby, it’s about leaving you to deal with everything whilst it goes on a jolly. He’s selfish.

Original poster
Sadlifeee · 04/10/2021 03:27

I’m so angry. Sat up with the baby who’s not sleeping. He should be here. He’s so bloody useless but he thinks he actually helps and does things

OP posts:
SpidersAreShitheads · 04/10/2021 03:28

I commented on your last post. I'm glad your DS is OK but your "D"P is a shitbag.

As I recall, he was planning to go out and have fun while you were still at the hospital waiting to be seen. That's bad enough and then not even to be there when you get back so he can take over and let you get some rest is deeply neglectful to both your wellbeing and that of your child.

He is putting himself first and the fact he can disregard his child being in hospital so easily isn't something I could forgive or forget. You deserve so much better - and so does your DS.

Justilou1 · 04/10/2021 03:35

Why lie? The the fact that you feel the need to cover for his shortcomings tells you everything you need to know about your future together. The fact that you’re in hospital with a sick baby and he’s planning to go out on Sunday night tells you everything you need to know about how he’s planning your future together.

dontblamemee · 04/10/2021 03:51

I'm currently in hospital with my baby. My partner is texting me every half hour and is absolutely devastated that he can't be in here with us.
Your partner doesn't deserve you or your baby.

Original poster
Sadlifeee · 04/10/2021 03:52

He did come to the hospital. I told him to leave because he couldn’t come in the room with us. I thought if he left got some sleep he could come over to mine and let me sleep.

OP posts:
Catflapkitkat · 04/10/2021 03:59

Well he has shown you who he is and where his priorities lie -

UnicornBeach · 04/10/2021 04:12

Very selfish of him, this ultimately has an impact on you who has no sleep and has to get on with it. What’s he been doing ?? Getting a good nights rest while you are at the hospital and then going for a night out. Get the law laid down to him op, I feel for you there is nothing worse than no sleep x

itsgettingwierd · 04/10/2021 04:30

Yes very selfish.

Not even the going out when couldn't be at hospital. But the not being there to help at a time he could.

This is your indiscretion he can't and won't change.

It's easier to do it alone when you accept that you are doing it alone anyway. Thanks

Flittingaboutagain · 04/10/2021 05:23

I wonder who voted YABU and why.

Unless he was going for one drink for his brother's stag do (or something else really significant, one off occasion and brief!) I'd have expected him to be there as soon as your little one was discharged to support you.

I hope your son recovers well. That must have been so scary for you.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/10/2021 05:34

He sounds incredibly selfish and I wouldn’t be putting up with that. He shouldn’t want to be out on a jolly whilst his child is in hospital!

As an aside, I think the one parent rule is really cruel. I know my DH wouldn’t want to leave our DC just as much as I wouldn’t.

Longdistance · 04/10/2021 05:43

I wouldn’t have lied, there’s no point lying, he’s a shit father and partner. Don’t cover for him, it is what it is. Bet you’re glad you’re not with him anymore. Remember this for future reference.

Noogar · 04/10/2021 05:46

Don't bother lying.

Original poster
Sadlifeee · 04/10/2021 05:48

I just lied because I felt embarrassed I gave him another chance. No one likes him but still I did it. I feel so stupid. I will say our baby was out of hospital when he went out but still. I was up all night at the hospital I asked him to come over so I could sleep.

He literally said I can’t tell him what to do

OP posts:
BathMatToe · 04/10/2021 05:53

Well what's the point if reconciling?
You could perhaps have said, go home and get rest and you can look after baby tomorrow while I sleep seeing as I'm here all night. But Jesus Christ who wants to be with someone that you tell to be a decent person.
What idiot thinks he's ok to go out the next day?

Does he see himself as a single man? No responsibility?

Do not get back together.
Please god.
The hard work is done.
You're already separated.

BathMatToe · 04/10/2021 05:55

@Sadlifeee

I just lied because I felt embarrassed I gave him another chance. No one likes him but still I did it. I feel so stupid. I will say our baby was out of hospital when he went out but still. I was up all night at the hospital I asked him to come over so I could sleep.

He literally said I can’t tell him what to do

You can't. He's correct. So never ever ever get back with him. He's fucking awful.
TheFoundations · 04/10/2021 05:55

@Sadlifeee

I don’t really know any more. He was trying so hard I thought he had changed. He makes me feel like I’m expecting too much
Don't have a partner who makes you feel like this. What you expect from a relationship (or anything else) is for you to decide, not anybody else. What he thinks is that you ask too much of him, because he is comfortable offering nothing, so that's what he's trying to force you to want.

If a partner (or anybody else) makes you feel like you doubt yourself, turn that around straight away. 'A decent, respectful partner/person would never make me doubt myself.' Even if we were talking about genuine failings in you (and we're not), a decent partner would still discuss things with you supportively, so that you could make changes, as couple, to sort out any issues. They wouldn't just do stuff that made you feel crap about yourself.

Get away from him. It's not a good relationship to model for your child, because it's not a relationship that makes you feel good.

Seaweasel · 04/10/2021 06:09

I"m going to go out on a limb here, but just in case this is a communication cock-up...I read this as you sent him home because only one parent at a time at the hospital. Therefore he's sitting in his flat or whatever, feeling a bit useless. He says to you that he had plans to go out Sunday, perhaps thinking that he'd still just be sitting at home as you want to be with the baby. What did you say? It sounded to me as if he was after knowing what your views were. I am not sure if the baby is out of hospital? Did you call him to say, we are home now, I am knackered can you come over and do your shift while I get some kip? I am not defending his actions but some women are extremely protective of sick children and don't let the men share the care. This might not be at all relevant in this case, but just a thought.

Original poster
Sadlifeee · 04/10/2021 06:14

Sorry if I was confusing so
Saturday baby became unwell. Went to the hospital that evening, he stayed until about 1am, I said to him I think we’ll be here until the morning he agreed. I said you can go home because he was sat outside.

Before he went he said oh I may go to this event Sunday day/night. I said I’m going to be pulling an all-nighter here don’t you think you should help. He then said it’s okay the baby has nursery on Monday. Obviously not sending him. Then I said no you’re having him Sunday while I rest, then he said I can’t tell him what to do, I suck the fun out of everything and then left.

OP posts:
MoonahStone · 04/10/2021 06:16

Don't doubt yourself OP that's shit behaviour and you and your baby deserve better.

Seaweasel · 04/10/2021 06:18

Ok, I take it back! YANBU. Hope your baby is on the mend.

rattlemehearties · 04/10/2021 06:23

Do you have any family who can help you get some rest? You have to dump him and not rely on him for support unfortunately.