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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think surely you wouldn’t leave your sick child?

80 replies

Sadlifeee · 04/10/2021 02:34

So I’ve posted about this yesterday but I need some clarification because I seem to doubt myself a lot these days. I can’t ask my friends because I am embarrassed.

My baby was ill and in hospital due to his first febrile seizure, he had a high temperature and was not very well. His dad and I don’t live together but are in the process of sorting things out. Or we were. Anyway he sat with us at the hospital for a while but it was a one parent only in so I took our son, I told him he may as well go home because it will be hours. I didn’t get home until the early hours with 0 sleep. Whilst I was at the hospital he told me he may go out Sunday evening. I just said so you’re going to leave me here at the hospital 0 sleep and go out. He just got annoyed.

Our son is okay still under the weather. He checked in with us all morning and then told me he’s going out. He went out, he didn’t come to see our baby, he didnt offer to come over instead of going out. My family asked where he was and I had to lie because I was embarrassed that he wasn’t here. I wouldn’t of been able to leave the baby. I know they are common but he still is poorly and I was running on 0 sleep. AIBU to say any normal person wouldn’t leave their child

OP posts:

Chachachawoo · 04/10/2021 06:30

I am so sorry for what you've been through. My son had a febrile convulsion and it's terrifying. I hope he is feeling better.
Your partner behaved terribly. He doesn't love you or your son the way he should. Once you have rested and recovered draw a line and start planning your life without him.

PieMistee · 04/10/2021 06:53

If you are having to lie to your family because you know they will (quite rightly) judge his actions that is a very basic test as to whether what he has done is bad.

Siriisatwat · 04/10/2021 06:55

Bloody hell, I would step in for a friend or a neighbour in that situation to let them rest and sleep after a night in hospital with a baby.

What’s so bloody important that it comes before looking after his own child so that you can rest?

It’s emotionally and physically exhausting staying in hospital with a young child, i’ve been there and I really feel for you.

He’s a selfish arsehole.

Mybalconyiscracking · 04/10/2021 06:58

How long did you know this man before you got pregnant?
Were there no clues?

pilates · 04/10/2021 07:00

Sorry this doesn’t bode well for you and your baby.

It must be very upsetting for you and I would think seriously about “sorting things out”

saoirse31 · 04/10/2021 07:09

Op you'll be so much better off without him, however hard doing it on your own is, living with someone like him is twice as hard, because you will never be able to rely on him. If this happens again, and you've got rid of him , sure you'll be up with your baby maybe but you won't have the mental stress that is all he's bringing to your relationship. You'll be so much happier and more relaxed. And you'll feel so much stronger. Hope your baby's doing better and hope you are too.

fedup078 · 04/10/2021 07:10

What a prick
You're better off without him and stop making excuses for him

Mindymomo · 04/10/2021 07:10

Your partner has clearly shown where his priorities lie and I’m afraid it’s not with you or your child, any caring person would have put you before going out for so long.

Justilou1 · 04/10/2021 07:10

Am wondering if he has even half a brain.

Beenheresincethebook · 04/10/2021 07:24

“Do not get back together.
Please god.
The hard work is done.
You're already separated”

This x 10000

Hope baby better soon

Partey · 04/10/2021 07:29

Please leave the twat.

Nothing will change, it will get worse. As will your reaction. If you’re anything like me you’ll become bitter, resentful and miserable.

I look back on DS early years with so much regret. I feel like I was robbed of so much due to stress and anxiety and bitterness. All down to him.

I left eventually, basically shed a man child. Spent far too long thinking he’d realise ir grow up- ten years down the line he still hasn’t

Lockdownbear · 04/10/2021 07:30

"You suck the fun out of everything"

How selfish when your dealing with a ill baby. No thought for you or your poorly baby. Bin him which is something I rarely say on MN.

If you'd said he had work to go to. Or your LO was in hospital long term and you had other kids / work to deal with then I could totally get not staying 24/7.

honkytonkheroe · 04/10/2021 07:32

Bloody cheek! Sometimes real life does suck the fun out of things but as adults you just have to deal with it!

SeasonFinale · 04/10/2021 07:39

If the baby is well now do send him to nursery and get some sleep today if you don't work.

Our middle one had febrile convulsions and whilst scary they do recover from them quite swiftly.

BlueistheNewme · 04/10/2021 07:40

My ex husband did this, and things didn’t improve. He was a selfish husband, and never puts the children first.
Staying with him for the 5 years we were married was soul destroying.
You and your baby deserve better, and will be fine without him.

LolaButt · 04/10/2021 07:45

He sounds very immature.

The positives are that he at least started off by doing the right thing, which is something to build on for the future as co parents?

The negative is that he lost interest quickly then put his own wants before his child/child’s mother. I guess you can take one of two options here. Either accept that it’s his responsibility to act appropriately and respectfully or play the role of educator to teach him the right way to behave.

I personally wouldn’t have the energy for the second.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 04/10/2021 07:48

I fell asleep after posting last night. Op he is awful. He will make you life harder being with him. You need to separate fully and put rock solid boundaries in place. CMS as well as this guy doesnt sound like someone who is responsible or will prioritise him child’s needs over his own wants.

LookItsMeAgain · 04/10/2021 07:51

Don't lie for him or to cover for him.
If someone asks say "Oh, he told me he was going out with his mates tonight". Just tell it as it is. He can't argue with the truth and you shouldn't have to.

Hope your child is doing better now.

fairgame84 · 04/10/2021 07:58

He's a nob and a shit dad.
My ex did this when DS was in hospital. This was in 2006 so both parents allowed. We weren't together at the time but were civil and got on well enough that we could share a hospital room together but he didn't even visit. He wouldn't come because he doesn't like hospitals. DS had pneumonia and was almost in high dependency unit, he was really ill. I never heard from ex the whole 5 days we were in.

I'd love to tell you it gets better but it doesn't.
He was a shit dad and remained a shit dad until he fucked off to live in Spain 3 years ago. DS cut contact with him in 2016.
Cut your losses and get rid.

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 04/10/2021 08:00

You had pages of the same advice yesterday which was get rid of that man child and parent on your own terms.your baby deserves better now and going forward and so do you

Hope you get some rest and your little one improves more today. It’s hard work when they are so little and poorly. The last thing you need is Ha sing to deal with this pathetic behaviour on top of it

MadinMarch · 04/10/2021 08:00

You're in the hospital with your sick baby, and he's telling you that you suck the fun out of life? What a true Prince among men he is!
I don't think I could ever forget that degree of callousness, selfishness and lack of insight and support in a time of crisis. All deals about getting back together would be completely and permanently off the table for me.

Hope the baby is recovering well.

2Two · 04/10/2021 08:01

Before he went he said oh I may go to this event Sunday day/night. I said I’m going to be pulling an all-nighter here don’t you think you should help. He then said it’s okay the baby has nursery on Monday. Obviously not sending him. Then I said no you’re having him Sunday while I rest

To be fair, there are better ways to ask for what you want. It's not a matter of pandering to him, just normal politeness. Rather than "Don't you think you should help" and "No, you're having him Sunday" how about "Would you give it a miss, it's going to be an all-nighter for me here and I'm going to be shattered."

I know he shouldn't have to be asked, but since he did, you might as well do it in the best way to get a result without a big unnecessary argument.

TintinIsBack · 04/10/2021 08:13

@Siriisatwat

Bloody hell, I would step in for a friend or a neighbour in that situation to let them rest and sleep after a night in hospital with a baby.

What’s so bloody important that it comes before looking after his own child so that you can rest?

It’s emotionally and physically exhausting staying in hospital with a young child, i’ve been there and I really feel for you.

He’s a selfish arsehole.

I would too @Siriisatwat. If a friend/neighbour was in that situation, I’d do my best to help them/allow them some sleep.

B1rthis · 04/10/2021 08:14

Hospital policies need to change.
It's a disgrace that people are welcome to go to football matches sit in restaurants etc as a family but babies and children are separated from their fathers when they're very unwell and require hospital treatment.

TintinIsBack · 04/10/2021 08:14

Yay I think @2Two is right.
It’s all OP’s fault for not being nice enough to him.

NOT

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