Is it normal to feel nothing during sex?

[soapybubblesandviolet]

I’ve been with my DP for three years and we have a toddler. At first the sex was good but I have never felt how I felt with my last partner during sex, where it was intimate and passionate and I was really ‘into it.’

A lot of the time I do it out of habit and when I do do it, though it feels good, emotionally I feel quite numb. I also hate kissing my partner during it because sometimes he goes up to a month without brushing his teeth (yes, really, and yes, I’ve spoken to him about it multiple times.)

When he’s done, he walks off to clean up and then I’m sort of just left. He rarely focuses on me and if he does, he just kind of sits there looking bored which makes me feel quite uncomfortable so I just give up on trying to get off.

I can’t Orgasm through penetrative sex, only through clitoral stimulation - and I can’t remember the last time I did.

He’s great in other regards, very caring, a good dad, a good laugh. We rarely argue or have disagreements. But in bed it’s just passionless.

Am I doomed to have emotionless sex forever?

Is this 'going a month without brushing his teeth' a new thing, or was he doing it when you were first seeing him?

I ask because that's a complete and utter deal-breaker for me. Also, him just going off to 'clean up' afterwards.

Yeah I wouldn’t be shagging anyone who doesn’t respect themselves/me enough to meet basic hygiene standards.

You say he's great in other regards but he doesn't respect you enough to clean his teeth (for a month??) before kissing you and your description of him once he's finished with you during sex makes it sound like he couldn't care less about you.

I'm not surprised you can't summon up any passion for this guy.

He has done it since I met him. He got a bit better with it when I said how unhygienic it is, but he constantly slips back to probably brushing them max twice a month.

Oh god the teeth thing…

I think for the benefit of your relationship you need to have a talk and tell him you absolutely won’t be engaging in any sexual activity until his hygiene improves.

Good lord that sounds horrific. How long has sex been this awful, since the baby?

Wow that sounds like really crap sex and the teeth thing would give me the ick - are you sure you're prepared to potentially put up with all that forever? If you're not prepared to leave what about introducing a vibrator into things, would that help you out a bit at least? I don't think it's normal at all I'm afraid and it sounds awful.

What made you feel sexually attracted to him in the first place? Has that gone away? (I couldn’t spend an extra day with someone who only brushed their teeth once a month, but we might have different standards). Does he take you for granted now and not make an effort for you? Have you asked him to consider your needs and wants more? How has he responded?

If you’ve always felt like this when you’re with him then it’s unreasonable to expect anything to change, and you shouldn’t really have settled for a relationship which doesn’t work for you.

This isn’t really about feeling nothing during sex - this is about his complete disrespect to you. I would also feel nothing at all if someone didn’t brush their teeth for a month, walked off when finishing and didn’t consider my needs (sexually and just basic consideration).

I would imagine not wanting to have sex with a man with very very low personal hygiene standards (seriously that is highly abnormal!) and no interest in your pleasure is fairly normal, yes.

Not brushing his teeth 🤢

Not bothering to make sure that you also have an orgasm -awful.
You deserve better.

You will have to spell it out what you want/need. Has he been to the dentist lately? I think I'd be issuing ultimatums regarding oral hygiene - regardless of sex.

Nah…. I’d need to say about the teeth. Regardless if anything else it’s completely disrespectful to Expect someone else to have sex with you if your not glen… I can’t even comprehend what his dick I’d like if he won’t even clean his teeth…. Boak

So I didn’t notice it at first because he would often sort of hide his teeth, and chewed gum. It was months later that I noticed quite a lot of plaque in his teeth but already had feelings for him. It wasn’t until later I realised that this was due to him never brushing his teeth! It’s also very odd because he showers daily and washes his hair daily and wears deodorant.

Clean not glen….

Does he have mental health problems? Does he realise that periodontal disease will lead to his teeth falling out?!

This guy brushes his teeth max twice a month.

Something that should take up 4 minutes of a 24 hour day.

Sorry to be blunt, but why are you with such a disgusting skank??????

I wouldn't want to sit next to someone who doesn't brush their teeth, let alone sleep with them. 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

Am I doomed to have emotionless sex forever?

If you choose that stay with him then yes.

It won't get better. Likely worse (if that's even possible). He's already shown himself to be someone who doesn't care enough about you to change - the teeth brushing being an obvious example.

I'm not surprised you don't feel anything. He sounds absolutely vile. You must raise your standards.

@Strawbsaturno

What makes you say that?

When you’ve mentioned his teeth to him, what does he say?

Let’s face it, that’s the obvious reason you don’t like sex with him.

No I’m not a troll. I’m being genuinely serious and looking for advice. I can’t prove I’m not a troll but.. I’m not.

So when I talk to him he admits it’s gross and he’ll go and do it right there and then, but within a week he’s slipped back into old habits.

That's absolutely disgusting that he doesn't brush his teeth for weeks on end. How are you still living with this pig never mind sleeping with it? Jesus Christ, up your standards op.