Is it normal to feel nothing during sex?

[soapybubblesandviolet]

I’ve been with my DP for three years and we have a toddler. At first the sex was good but I have never felt how I felt with my last partner during sex, where it was intimate and passionate and I was really ‘into it.’

A lot of the time I do it out of habit and when I do do it, though it feels good, emotionally I feel quite numb. I also hate kissing my partner during it because sometimes he goes up to a month without brushing his teeth (yes, really, and yes, I’ve spoken to him about it multiple times.)

When he’s done, he walks off to clean up and then I’m sort of just left. He rarely focuses on me and if he does, he just kind of sits there looking bored which makes me feel quite uncomfortable so I just give up on trying to get off.

I can’t Orgasm through penetrative sex, only through clitoral stimulation - and I can’t remember the last time I did.

He’s great in other regards, very caring, a good dad, a good laugh. We rarely argue or have disagreements. But in bed it’s just passionless.

Am I doomed to have emotionless sex forever?

He needs to see a hygienist immediately.

Re the sex, he's selfish. He should be pleasing you and if he knows how you feel and makes no effort, then he'll not really a good partner

He does have depression, so that could be a factor. However as I mentioned he does shower, wash his hair etc. It’s just the teeth thing?

Clearly, life with him will be crap, emotionless, rank-breathed sex for the rest of your relationship, yes, and quite possibly toothless after a while as well.

It's your call if you stick with that, but I wouldn't

Goes a month without cleaning his teeth? 🤮

FGS @soapybubblesandviolet tell him he must clean his teeth every day. I couldn't be in the same room as a man who had rank stinky cheesy teeth, let alone in the same bed shagging.

Ewwwww, I feel sick now. 🤮 Sorry. My post is a bit useless.

But you could start by telling him to clean his teeth as it's putting you off intimacy with him.

I can't get past the teeth 🤮

I have brought it up multiple times and said how off putting it is, but it doesn’t change. That’s why I avoid kissing.

The teeth!! (puke, not envy).

Wouldn’t be having any more sex with him until he brushes his teeth twice every single day.

Out of interest, what is it that makes him suddenly decide to brush his teeth after a month? 😂I can't get my head around it

Even if he started brushing his teeth twice a day p.s. he won't, ever the sex would still be shit, no? I have never known a man who fundamentally isn't interested in his partner's pleasure to change. Any man who is bored by getting a woman off is a bad one and should be thrown back.

He needs to see a hygienist immediately

Can you imagine how swollen and bleeding his gums would be? 😵🤮

Any man who is bored by getting a woman off is a bad one and should be thrown back.

Yeah, how weird....surely it should turn him on

I'm sorry but what?..... How on earth can you have sex with someone who hasn't brushed their teeth from one day to the next, let alone week... and to go a month, that's beyond disgusting. Who in their sane mind would do something like that out of choice? Is it just pure laziness? I wouldn't even want to sit in the same room as the dirty fecker, let alone have him anywhere near me physically. I can't get my head around this.

Eugh he sounds absolutely vile. Does he even bother to clean his stuff or is that like the slops tray at Yo Sushi as well? I’m sorry I couldn’t put up with this.

My Dad never brushed his teeth. I never saw him do it. He had a job, friends, washed regularly…. Just didn’t brush his teeth. His teeth were in horrendous state and he had the worst breath. I don’t think he ever saw a dentist. He passed work medicals…

It’s honestly not something I could put up with in a man, but if it doesn’t bother you, I suppose that’s not the point of the thread.

To answer your question; it sounds like you need to weigh up the good side and the bad, and see what the outcome is. Right now; it sounds like you’re trading enjoyable sex and any type of orgasm for the rest of the relationship. Is that a compromise you’re happy to make? Can you keep it going; long term?

I am a clean teeth fanatic, waterflosser. Interdental brushes, electric toothbrush etc
Sorry I could not cope with a man like that
No self respect.
And no respect for you either
He would be gone!

Aside from the teeth thing, which would make my vagina slam shut anyway, it sounds like he's not interested in making sure you enjoy yourself. My husband would never leave me high and dry after he'd had his. He sounds quite selfish

I think it’s very normal in the circumstances you describe, which are dire. I would personally withdraw from sex entirely with someone who didn’t brush their teeth or care about my needs.

Re: teeth, is he frightened of the dentist? As he needs to go to get the plaque/tartar removed, otherwise he'll continue to have bad breath. There are plenty of dentists who specialise in nervous patients, they can offer intravenous sedation during treatment.

Honestly the teeth thing I can’t get my head around either. I go the odd day forgetting to brush in an evening but I hate the feeling in the morning and could not leave the house without brushing my teeth. I can’t even do my makeup before my teeth because my face doesn’t feel ‘fresh’. I’m not sure on the compromise — I’m starting to find other people more attractive which is an issue clearly, so I’m not sure how much longer I can go having sex that doesn’t feel passionate and in the moment and... decent.

And of course I’m not saying I would cheat! I’d never. Just that other people are becoming appealing whereas that wasn’t happening first.

God he sounds awful, no wonder you aren't feeling it. The way he gets up and walks off must make you feel completely used. You say he's great but he just isn't. This is disgusting and makes me feel so grateful to be single. How much do you really want to be in this relationship with Mr Manky Mouth. Please don't do it to yourself. Major Ick. Sorry..

I'm not suprised other people are looking appealing OP, go for it and get rid. I know that sounds crass but seriously, you know the answer to your own post here. Do it, life's too short!

Nope sorry the teeth thing would be a complete deal breaker for me. I don’t know how you’ve allowed it to get this far?!

I will never understand this type of thread. Just the sheer mingingness and women who actually a) stay and b) have sex with someone like this. There was one ages ago about skid marks and I still remember it now . Sorry OP, I don't mean to sound cruel but it's unfathomable to me that you would choose to be with him so I'm not sure what to advise other than to offer an ultimatum and/or leave.

Total deal breaker with the teeth thing for me. DH often gets sinus infections (nothing he can do about it) and that is bad enough to put me off going near him. No wonder you can't feel engaged with this man, between the hygiene and the lack of effort on his part, there's nothing going on upstairs for you to enjoy downstairs. You need to have a serious talk with him, without the distraction of your child there, and if nothing changes after that, you need to consider whether you can put up with it for the rest of your life. If he doesn't respect you, it isn't going to get any better. You'll just resent him.