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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'My Husband'

103 replies

MudyTrudy · 01/10/2021 14:39

I have a long standing, very close group of girlfriends (6 of us altogether). We know each other's husbands/boyfriends/partners /children/parents very well.

The six of us were together a few days ago and one of the group kept referring to her husband as 'my husband' in any sentence that involved his name. It stood out as we just normally say our husband's names. We all know who he is, very well. Then she started doing it with 'my daughter' and she is my godchild?!

It drove me nuts, particularly the husband referring as his name is in most sentences she's says anyway. In the end I said 'who, you mean Clive, we know who he is!'

AIBU?

OP posts:
Looubylou · 01/10/2021 18:01

It is very odd, when you know them, you are Godmother, and she didn't do it before. What was her response when you pulled her up?

IVflytrap · 01/10/2021 18:04

Almost certainly a hangover from talking about him to work colleagues, as other posters have said. It can be hard to switch out of work mode outside work as I've discovered when answering my personal mobile at weekends with my work phone-answering spiel, oh the joys of being a receptionist

The comments about people saying "my mum", "my dad" etc when talking to their siblings who share the same parents is funny. I actually noticed the same construction in a Jane Austen novel recently. In Pride and Prejudice, Lizzie and Jane say "my mother" when talking to each other, even though they share the same mother. Grin Maybe it's a regional thing? Or an old fashioned thing?

Gwenhwyfar · 01/10/2021 18:04

I can only think that she talks about him a lot at work with people who don't know him and it's a habit.
Having said that, when colleagues go on about a certain person all the time I've usually managed to understand it's a partner or husband without being told...

Gwenhwyfar · 01/10/2021 18:05

"Also my husband always says his brothers full name when he's talking about eg "I called in to John Smith today"

Oh, that is weird!

Anotheruser02 · 01/10/2021 18:08

My friend did this when she was newly married, I thought is was smugness. She got over herself and calls him Dave again.

I can't remember how long it lasted.

ClareBlue · 01/10/2021 18:08

It's Our children when they had done something good, My children when something exceptional, and Your children when the school rangGrin

Lotusmonster · 01/10/2021 18:09

Yeah, it’s a bit weird I guess….it’s not especially affectionate or personable…but, her problem and each to their own.

Builderscrack · 01/10/2021 18:12

I don’t know why people wouldn’t think this is weird!

YANBU IMHO

immersivereader · 01/10/2021 18:18

My mate does this. It's a weird ownership thing

immersivereader · 01/10/2021 18:18

She got over herself and calls him Dave again.

^^

10 year wed will do that to you

Sunshinebuttercups · 01/10/2021 18:27

@frogswimming I was just about to say the same thing. I’ll often do this if I’ve been at work all week. I work with lots of different people each week so I will just say “my husband, kids, son”.

Original poster
MudyTrudy · 01/10/2021 18:50

My friend friend doesn't work, so she hasn't been using the 'my husband' around colleagues.

@MakingM what kind of point? As in she has a husband and others don't? That's even more weird. We all have husbands/long term partners/engaged.

I've known her and Clive for 24 years. I set her up with Clive, John (my husband!) used to work with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
MudyTrudy · 01/10/2021 18:56

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

What did she say when you gave that reply?
She sort of giggled and then said his name. This was after about ten times saying 'my husband' sat round a table (6 of us) who have known him for years.
OP posts:
LlamaTime · 01/10/2021 18:59

Oh she's just gotten into the habit of referring to them to people who don't know them and it just slips out. I did this today to a friend and tried to remedy, ended up saying "My son Tom" again and again which sounds even more ridiculous to someone who knows 'Tom' (not real name).

BoredZelda · 01/10/2021 19:10

My friend friend doesn't work, so she hasn't been using the 'my husband' around colleagues.

You think she doesn’t talk to other adults because she doesn’t work?

She sort of giggled and then said his name. This was after about ten times saying 'my husband' sat round a table (6 of us) who have known him for years.

Did you and your friends feel better for making her feel bad?

Blossomtoes · 01/10/2021 19:12

@hellcatspangle

Does she think one of you fancies him?
What?!
Original poster
MudyTrudy · 01/10/2021 19:22

@BoredZelda

My friend friend doesn't work, so she hasn't been using the 'my husband' around colleagues.

You think she doesn’t talk to other adults because she doesn’t work?

She sort of giggled and then said his name. This was after about ten times saying 'my husband' sat round a table (6 of us) who have known him for years.

Did you and your friends feel better for making her feel bad?

Most people here assumed she worked and was using the term around colleagues.

Nobody made her feel bad, I'd want correcting if I sounded so ridiculous!

OP posts:
MyPatronusIsACat · 01/10/2021 19:35

@MudyTrudy

Hmmm, it is a bit weird, but maybe she just likes to remind everyone she has a husband. Grin

This reminds me of a couple of people I know who have 2 daughters each. And every single time they talk about them, they never EVER say Sophie and Grace, or Holly and Eve. They always say 'the girls.' Always 'the girls.' Even on Christmas cards, and birthday cards, they put 'from Anne, Dave, and the girls...'

Why not put their NAMES? They are one or two syllables, and it would take 4-5 seconds longer than putting 'the girls...' And saying Sophie and Grace, takes a second longer than saying 'the girls!'

Boils my piss and I don't know why. It just jars me so much.

BoredZelda · 01/10/2021 20:09

Most people here assumed she worked and was using the term around colleagues.

Or, any other adult who doesn’t know her family.

Nobody made her feel bad, I'd want correcting if I sounded so ridiculous!

In your opinion. You thought she was being ridiculous so it was your duty to tell her not to do something based on your own opinion? I think you sound ridiculous, being “driven mad” by something so insignificant and something that plenty of people do. Consider yourself corrected. Is that how it works?

Original poster
MudyTrudy · 01/10/2021 20:37

@BoredZelda

In your opinion. You thought she was being ridiculous so it was your duty to tell her not to do something based on your own opinion? I think you sound ridiculous, being “driven mad” by something so insignificant and something that plenty of people do. Consider yourself corrected. Is that how it works?

I didn't tell her to do anything. She was talking about someone I know very well and not using their name, when she so often does use their name. It is odd.

OP posts:
CandyFloss31 · 02/10/2021 12:46

My MIL does this about “my husband” (my FIL), “my brother” (DH’s uncle), “my mother” (DH’s Nan), etc. I find it infuriating, but don’t know why. Maybe because it suggests I have less of a relationship with the people concerned than I actually do? Not sure, but I empathise with your annoyance!

MolyHolyGuacamole · 02/10/2021 13:24

[quote CharlieFarnsbarns123][/quote]
Yes this is exactly the way I feel about it 😂

MolyHolyGuacamole · 02/10/2021 13:25

@annacondom

I also prefer it to the other way round. A friend does it, it's very wearing trying to remember if Pete is her sister's DH, or a bloke she works with, or the gardener.
Why? Are they all named Pete or do you just not know the name of your friend's husband?
Rosesareyellow · 02/10/2021 13:40

I don’t think I could get worked up over it bu year that’s weird. As work I refer to ‘his name’ even though they’ve never met him, same with talking about my DS - I’ve talked about them often enough that they’ll know who I mean. You’d say ‘my husband’ or ‘my daughter’ if the person is likely not to recognise the name.

Moonface123 · 02/10/2021 13:56

It's probably just a habit, l personally wouldn't find it annoying, lighten up.