'My Husband'

[MudyTrudy]

I have a long standing, very close group of girlfriends (6 of us altogether). We know each other's husbands/boyfriends/partners /children/parents very well.

The six of us were together a few days ago and one of the group kept referring to her husband as 'my husband' in any sentence that involved his name. It stood out as we just normally say our husband's names. We all know who he is, very well. Then she started doing it with 'my daughter' and she is my godchild?!

It drove me nuts, particularly the husband referring as his name is in most sentences she's says anyway. In the end I said 'who, you mean Clive, we know who he is!'

AIBU?

I don’t find it that odd. It’s likely a habit to be clear about who she’s talking about to others less familiar. I find it weird that it’d bother you. Like others say it’s much more irritating when people who you’re not familiar with start talking about people you don’t know by their first names and you’re listening for clues as to who they are in relation to the person who’s talking. I’ve been introduced to people and a few minutes later they’re coming out with all these names as if I’d know who they are.

I would find it odd OP. It wouldn't rile me up, I would just laugh to myself and wonder why she's doing it all of a sudden.

I do this out of habit as most often people don’t know who I’m talking about. Have done it all my life because despite being at the same school, nobody seemed to link my brother, my sister and I together. I will always refer to my brother as my brother, even when I’m with people who know him. Apparently it really pissed my (now ex) sister in law off, which only encouraged me to do it more. She said it was me being too possessive over “MY brother” and that I was reminding her he was mine. I wasn’t, I don’t get on with him particularly well so that was a ridiculous statement. Incidentally, everyone in my family does the same. E.g My mum will say “have you heard from your brother”

It’s a turn of phrase, YABU to say she shouldn’t do it or to judge her for it.

One of my friends does this and I knew her husband before she did, annoys the fuck out of me 😂

Are you a bit bored op? Annoying maybe but I think forgettable within 5 mins.

People are so easily annoyed by tiny things these days.

@frogswimming

It's probably because she often talks to people who don't know her family, like work colleagues. She's got into the habit of referring to her husband and children without their names for people who don't know them.

I think it's exactly this and it seems fairly common to me. I never assume that my life is interesting enough for people to remember my families names, so I say "my daughter" or "my husband". That's normal isn't it?

I used to refer to my exH as 'my husband', as he was emotionally abusive (long periods of silent treatment) and I couldn't bear to say his name.

Never assume you know what's happening in someone's marriage or life.

And I presented a very happy front, so you would never have known how bad things were.

@frogswimming

It's probably because she often talks to people who don't know her family, like work colleagues. She's got into the habit of referring to her husband and children without their names for people who don't know them.

It'll just be this. Not worth getting annoyed about at all.

At my son's primary school many years ago the mum's there would always say 'my husband' as if to point out they were so lucky to have a husband and other's were some way under them if they were single or a single mum. With that big drawn out sound of the hus ....band.. Did my head in. So agree with you. Maybe things aren't quite so good with her and her husband as she makes out.

@GhoulWithADragonTattoo

I always refer to my sister as my sister. My husband refers to her by name and I always have to clarify who he means!

I know several people with the same name. When we had only known each other a small time DH asked why I referred to "my brothers wife", "my friend from the bookshop" etc. So I stopped and started just using their name. He promptly asked me which one I meant!!

It wouldn't 'bother' me but I'd definitely find it really weird if one of my friends did this, when I've known them and their husbands for years!

It is bloody odd, op, pmsl at everyone falling over themselves to tell you you're over reacting 😂

You seriously sat and typed out that OP, created the title and all, and at no point thought ‘what the fuck am I doing?!’. I’m annoyed I even clicked on this.

I have a friend who I've known for years and she always calls her daughter "my child"
That gets on my nerves a bit for some reason.
I think its a bit weird but it's also the way she says it.

"I'd never let my child drink fizzy drinks"
"She should have asked me before offering my child a sweet^"

Fgs! Shes got a name.

My husband does this about everyone. He hardly ever uses names. I'm not sure he realises he's doing it but his mum does it too

@NowEvenBetter

You seriously sat and typed out that OP, created the title and all, and at no point thought ‘what the fuck am I doing?!’. I’m annoyed I even clicked on this.

and you replied 😂

It is odd, YANBU. You've known her a long time, know her husband (so do all your friends present) and she kept on saying it without any awareness?

Agreed, easier than trying to keep up with a long stream of names & having to keep up with who they are.

Some pf the posts above remind me of a holiday my half sister booked years ago with a coach full of daily telegraph readers. Meet in the foyer at 6am for coach trips, every meal a forced communal event type of holiday, my idea of hell.
About a week in, at yet another tedious meal, my sister was relating an anecdote about her dad. I'd spent most of the evening rendered mute by boredom; someone tried to draw me in to the conversation by asking about "Dad" - I replied that it was my sisters Dad, I didn't really know him. Miraculous effect, I think they decided we were a lesbian couple rather than sisters, and gave us a wide berth after that.

It's weird if you know him well, yes.

I actually find it even more annoying the other way around - people I don't know well referring to their partners and/or children I've never met by name.

"Oh, James likes this" or "Harry and I did that". Just say "my partner" or "my husband" or "my son" ffs!

I know what you mean. Only this evening my Mum kept talking to me about "your grandma" and I felt like saying "You mean, Grandma?"

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Sometimes Ds talks about dd to me and says “my sister”. I say “do you mean (dd’s name)?” and he laughs, but he’s obviously just doing it because he’s used to saying that at school.

I probably shouldn’t pick him up tbh but it makes me laugh!

Yeah, my brother refers to our Dad as 'my Dad' when he's talking to me. Presumably because he talks to other people about our Dad more often than he talks to me, and that's what he usually refers to him as.

I think it’s more odd that it’s irritated you so much

This^

Shecan refer to her husband and children anyway she wants. She could just be used to referring to them as such with other parents etc at groups/school gate and just finds it easier to say my husband/daughter with everyone.

My sister does exactly the same thing, going on endlessly about "my husband". Weirds me out.