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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP should have helped?

102 replies

Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 07:46

Had a bad night with the baby and overslept a bit. It wasn’t loads but enough to make everything a bit rushed and frantic.

I asked DP if he could drop the baby off at nursery and he made noises about wanting to clean the house before a viewing we are having this morning. So I asked if he could dress baby instead which he did but then came and put the baby in with me, meaning I was trying to get ready with a ten month old crawling around and constantly climbing up my leg wanting cuddles.

I’m feeling really cross but not sure if just a bit stressed after last night.

OP posts:
Cantbelieveit101 · 01/10/2021 07:48

Of course he should have helped.
Is he always like this?

Metallicalover · 01/10/2021 07:53

Is it not because your stressed from last night and then he's stressed about the viewing?
Who would clean before the viewing?? Did he have time to do all that before the viewing? It's not as though he was just lazing around in bed this morning while you were getting dressed etc. Could you not have said, can you take the baby downstairs while I finish getting ready?

Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 07:55

No, because he wasn’t there - he was all over the place. Not sure what you mean by ‘who cleans the house before a viewing’?

OP posts:
NailsNeedDoing · 01/10/2021 07:56

If you got up later than you intended to when you have a lot to do, it’s inevitable that you will feel stressed.

You asked if he could dress the baby and he did. Maybe if you’d asked him to hold onto her after getting her dressed he would have done that too. But otherwise there’s no reason why he should have assumed that your need to not have a baby around at that time was greater than his.

Fluffypastelslippers · 01/10/2021 07:58

This is a nothing situation tbh. He had plans to sort the house before a viewing and you were a bit tired and overslept. You could both still just get on with the plans you had, albeit a bit rushed. I don't think he has done much wrong here actually, but I a parent of over 20 years and have slept in and cracked on many a morning with more than one DC.

Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 07:59

It’s reasonably obvious the person who has to leave the house at a particular time is going to need to get ready, surely. Anyway I also forgot to pack nappies so have to go back anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 08:00

Er so did I @Fluffypastelslippers

It was just a hell of a lot harder because I had a baby hanging off me when there was another parent in the house and that has annoyed me.

OP posts:
Longdistance · 01/10/2021 08:00

When we were selling up I was the one cleaning and tidying. My parental duties stopped and dh sorted dds out. I’d have put baby in the cot for a minute with a toy/ Peppa pig on phone and got dressed.

Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 08:03

Well - I can’t do everything. I can’t do 100% of parenting duties and work full time in a demanding job.

OP posts:
Fluffypastelslippers · 01/10/2021 08:04

@Darkautumnmorning

Er so did I *@Fluffypastelslippers*

It was just a hell of a lot harder because I had a baby hanging off me when there was another parent in the house and that has annoyed me.

Er so do you what?

I do t know what you mean by that?

LemonTT · 01/10/2021 08:05

Why didn’t you get ready when he was seeing to the baby. Or make a start since you were awake.

There was no easy option here for either of you. But I don’t see how he was shirking and not doing enough of the morning.

Life won’t get any better today if you wind yourself up to a state of resentment and anger.

Fluffypastelslippers · 01/10/2021 08:05

@Darkautumnmorning

Well - I can’t do everything. I can’t do 100% of parenting duties and work full time in a demanding job.

This is a massive over reaction to waking up late.

Perhaps this morning is not an isolated incident?

Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 08:06

Lemon - because dressing the baby took about two minutes and it takes me longer than that.

OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 01/10/2021 08:07

Was he sitting on his arse doing nothing, or was he also getting ready for work and tidying the house for the viewing ?
Couldn’t you have put baby in the cot while you got ready ? If baby cries just let it happen until you’ve done what you need to do.

Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 08:10

Possibly should have but I really don’t like leaving him to cry to be honest. Especially when it’s just wanting cuddles.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 01/10/2021 08:11

But he was cleaning the house and making it ready for a house viewing, which can't be done with a baby.

But getting dressed can be done with a baby, just put baby in cot with toys.

Obviously prioritise the house viewing, because sooner get an offer sooner don't have to so it anymore.

If its all too much at the moment do you really need to move house at the moment?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 01/10/2021 08:12

What a bizarre thing to get annoyed about. If baby is stopping you get dressed just pop them in their cot for 2 minutes

GoodnightGrandma · 01/10/2021 08:12

@Darkautumnmorning

Possibly should have but I really don’t like leaving him to cry to be honest. Especially when it’s just wanting cuddles.
No point falling out with DH when the answer was to put him in the cot.
Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 08:13

He had a good hour after we’d have left to sort the house and it really didn’t need much.

Maybe some do feel cleaning is absolute priority: to me it would be baby and work. But perhaps I have slatternly standards Smile

OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 01/10/2021 08:13

And pack the bag the night before.

Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 08:14

See I think it’s bizarre to have a distressed upset baby with two adults in the house ignoring him. It goes to show we are all different. But I have never let my baby cry (bar things like being on the toilet etc.) and never will.

OP posts:
Getyourownback · 01/10/2021 08:14

Do you both work full time?

Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 08:15

Yes we do. But he is WFH so I have to leave at 720, he doesn’t have a commute.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 01/10/2021 08:16

Well if you won't put the baby in the cot for 2 minutes whilst you get dressed occasionally you are going to find yourself being late fairly often.

Dishwashersaurous · 01/10/2021 08:16

Normally cleaning would be behind work and baby.

But not when you are trying to sell a house.

When selling a house that is the number one priority.

Surely you can just get dressed next to the cot? Baby is hardly being left to cry, you are just getting dressed