Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP should have helped?

102 replies

Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 07:46

Had a bad night with the baby and overslept a bit. It wasn’t loads but enough to make everything a bit rushed and frantic.

I asked DP if he could drop the baby off at nursery and he made noises about wanting to clean the house before a viewing we are having this morning. So I asked if he could dress baby instead which he did but then came and put the baby in with me, meaning I was trying to get ready with a ten month old crawling around and constantly climbing up my leg wanting cuddles.

I’m feeling really cross but not sure if just a bit stressed after last night.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/10/2021 08:16

Does he work?

Dishwashersaurous · 01/10/2021 08:17

And pack bag night before. Or deliver a big box of nappies to nursery

Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 08:17

I haven’t been late yet @sweeneytoddsrazor and nor was I this morning. It doesn’t mean everything parent related falls on me.

OP posts:
SanFranBear · 01/10/2021 08:17

Guess it depends on when the viewing is... ten minutes after you've left the house - fair enough. An hour later and maybe he could've prioritised helping his stressed wife seeing as the baby is clearly now out the house with the OP so he's got time to clean now?

Honestly, man cleans = some form of God on this site. I see it a lot but honestly, the bar is pretty fucking low on what makes a good man around here!

Thatsplentyjack · 01/10/2021 08:19

To be fair its easier to get ready with a baby than to clean with a baby. If it was just general cleaning then I would say he should have left it until later, but since it was for a viewing that's happening this morning it probably needed done.

Thatsplentyjack · 01/10/2021 08:20

Also think it depends how long it takes you to get ready. 20 mins, fair enough. 2 hours, not so much.

Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 08:21

He didn’t have to clean with the baby though. The baby is at nursery and has been since 730. DP clocks on at 830 for a meeting and the rest of the day is his: his work is flexible and can be done wherever and whenever outside of meetings.

No one was suggesting he cleaned the house with the baby. I just wanted him to have him and keep an eye for twenty minutes so I could dry my hair and get dressed.

OP posts:
Thatsplentyjack · 01/10/2021 08:25

Hmm well I think that's fair enough OP. I would probably be pretty pissed off too. If he's got an hour before you leave that's entirely of time to clean the house, and he gets peace to do it.

Mothersister · 01/10/2021 08:27

You should both have been cleaning for the viewing well before this morning.

Why can’t you put the baby in the cot whilst you get dressed, it’s not going to damage him to put him there whilst you get yourself sorted. . You both sound very disorganised.

Dishwashersaurous · 01/10/2021 08:27

Depends. Getting house viewing ready is very very different to a normal clean and would easily take an hour and a half in an already clean house

Fluffypastelslippers · 01/10/2021 08:38

@Darkautumnmorning

He didn’t have to clean with the baby though. The baby is at nursery and has been since 730. DP clocks on at 830 for a meeting and the rest of the day is his: his work is flexible and can be done wherever and whenever outside of meetings.

No one was suggesting he cleaned the house with the baby. I just wanted him to have him and keep an eye for twenty minutes so I could dry my hair and get dressed.

I think of my plan was to clean and DH was to get baby ready, drop at nursery and go to work we would just do said plan whether we woke up late or on time. If he started to dictate to me I had X amount of time to clean I would be a bit 'wtf'. I do wonder if this is indicative of deeper issues but as a one off I think you are definitely BU here.

crimsonlake · 01/10/2021 08:46

Such a non issue and a lot of time wasted by yourself posting on this thread about it.

PyjamaMamma · 01/10/2021 08:55

OP, not sure you’ve been on mumsnet long but the expectations for men are very low around here. You should grow another set of arms before the father takes their child for 5 minutes, and the men jobs are always more important, it doesn’t matter if they are Amazon warehouse operatives and you are CEO and earn a 7 figure salary - or, indeed, if they have to clean and tidy the house a bit for a viewing and you need to get ready for your actual, paid job. Everything needs to be spelled out step by step or they are incapable of performing any tasks - “but he did what you told him to do” Confused

It’s ok to be miffed by an unhelpful partner, OP. Don’t lower your expectations because of what mumsnet say, though if it is a recurring problem he might need more detailed instructions...

Toodlydoo · 01/10/2021 09:00

I think YANBU, if I was trying to get ready for work I would expect DH to take baby.

HeyDugeesCakeBadge · 01/10/2021 09:03

I'm not entirely sure why you've had such a hard time here OP. I think getting to work on time fully trumps cleaning, even for a viewing (and he had an hour anyway). He's being ridiculous YANBU.

Draineddraineddrained · 01/10/2021 09:10

Missing point of thread but what is this bollocks about turbo cleaning the house before a viewing by potential buyers??

With the property market the way it is, who on earth is going to be so shortsighted as to rule out a property that suits their needs because the current owners haven't wiped down the surfaces of every stick of furniture that wouldn't even be in the house if they bought it??

Seriously I've viewed properties and what I'm looking at is: room numbers and size, condition of the major fittings like floors, window frames, kitchen, bathroom, and going over the place with a visual fine toothed comb for the slightest hint of damp. I am not making decisions about where I want to live based on the slovenliness or otherwise of the people I'd be buying from. Surely, SURELY no-one is that stupid?

Brefugee · 01/10/2021 09:11

The key thing: pack the bag and get your things ready for morning the night before. Every time, even if you're knackered.

Your DH sounds as though you need him to be explicit "keep the baby until I'm ready to leave, and check his bag so i can be ready to go on time"

you shouldn't have to but you also have to deal with reality.

Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 09:12

It isn’t always possible to get everything ready for morning.

I can’t brush my teeth and go to sleep in my work clothes Smile

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 01/10/2021 09:16

Yes but you said you forgot nappies. Thats why people are saying check and pack the bag the night before

user1493494961 · 01/10/2021 09:17

You sound hard work.

Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 09:17

Yes I get that. That wasn’t DPs fault, it was mine. I accept that. But just the same the more i have to do the more I will make mistakes like that. I shouldn’t have to do all parenting because of house viewings.

OP posts:
Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 09:18

@user1493494961

You sound hard work.
Would you like to elaborate or did you just want to be unpleasant?
OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 01/10/2021 09:18

Drained Drained.

You will be surprised how quickly, even in this market, people will discount s not perfect looking house.

It's just common sense to make the property look it's absolute best before a viewing

SuperstarDog · 01/10/2021 09:20

He shouldn’t have ‘helped’.... It’s not ‘helping’ when it’s your own child. He should have looked after his child so you had chance to get ready quicker. How was it not obvious to him that that is what he should have done? 🤦🏻‍♀️ I couldn’t cope with such a stupid partner.

Draineddraineddrained · 01/10/2021 09:20

Will say this OP I was like you with first baby re never leaving them when they wanted me - I got stressed out and overwrought and was often late/disorganised as I prioritised never letting her grizzle over every other thing. Second baby this can't happen for obvious reasons, she has grizzled in her high chair most mornings while I sort out her big sister - she's still a chilled and happy baby, gets lots of cuddles, and has a mum who doesn't feel like her life is a relentless struggle to meet everybody's needs and failing.