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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP should have helped?

102 replies

Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 07:46

Had a bad night with the baby and overslept a bit. It wasn’t loads but enough to make everything a bit rushed and frantic.

I asked DP if he could drop the baby off at nursery and he made noises about wanting to clean the house before a viewing we are having this morning. So I asked if he could dress baby instead which he did but then came and put the baby in with me, meaning I was trying to get ready with a ten month old crawling around and constantly climbing up my leg wanting cuddles.

I’m feeling really cross but not sure if just a bit stressed after last night.

OP posts:
Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 09:21

Absolutely. But that doesn’t mean all the parenting falls on me.

All that needed doing was to put some toys in the toy box, Hoover the hall (he did that while I was grappling with the baby Hmm) and make the bed.

I can’t work full time and be expected do all parenting every time there’s a house viewing. It isn’t fair.

OP posts:
621CustardCream438 · 01/10/2021 09:21

Of course he should help. Well, not even help, he should jointly parent your child. But you’re exaggerating and being petulant (or you’ve only really given half a story) to start talking about “everything parenting related falls to me” on the basis of this. I’d be annoyed if my husband expected me to unilaterally change my (also fairly time critical) plans because he overslept but still wanted maximum time to get ready. Have a day off doing your hair.

Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 09:23

I’m not being petulant at all. I have been doing all drop offs and pick ups, bathed and did bedtime, dealt with the baby overnight, and so I don’t think twenty minutes so I could get ready in peace was petulant at all. Certainly not my intention!

OP posts:
Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 09:24

A day off doing my hair - wtf

OP posts:
Tinpotspectator · 01/10/2021 09:25

Ffs what is wrong with you lot? Why does it have to be her baby? She did the night feeds, and was up a lot. Of course he should help. What weird posters on here.

Tinpotspectator · 01/10/2021 09:26

oP they're trying to wind you up on purpose. Ignore them.

Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 09:28

Wish MN would deal with it tbh.

It’s one thing to have a genuinely different view but getting all nasty and horrible is just shitty.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 01/10/2021 09:31

No-one is suggesting that you should do all the parenting.

Just that for this particular morning you should get dressed with the baby.

smallybells · 01/10/2021 09:32

OP in all honesty it sounds like you were stressed anyway, then because you overslept / are already stressed, you're potentially more annoyed with your DP than would be expected at a fairly non issue event.

Your DP did do as you asked with dressing the baby, and if he was also busy trying to get the house ready for a viewing perhaps his first thought wasn't "let's sit down with baby and keep out of the way" if he was hoovering and tidying things away? Perhaps he thought it would be easier for you to get ready with baby than him to Hoover with baby.

I tend to get annoyed at smaller things when I'm tired too! If this isn't a pattern of how your DP normally is then I'd just let it go. It's a perfect storm of oversleeping, running late and house viewings which is unlikely to happen again!

Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 09:33

If I hadn’t overslept I wouldn’t have been pushed for time, true. That was my failing such as it was. But it was an extremely bad night.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 01/10/2021 09:33

Clearly you feel a resentment about the balance in your relationship.

People are slightly bemused because they have, many many times, got ready for work on little sleep and whilst looking after a baby.

And selling houses is the single most stressful thing that you can do so having one adult prioritise that is really sensible.

Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 09:35

People are not bemused at all.

I got to work on time.

It was far more stressful and took longer than it should have.

Do not make out as it I am some sort of incompetent fool for wanting a little bit of help.

OP posts:
LaikO · 01/10/2021 09:38

I'm not trying to be rude, but I suppose I'm also wondering why it's difficult to get ready with the baby. In that situation, I would probably have the person who wasn't tidying the house for a viewing be with the baby. I have 2 under 2 and know what it's like to have a lot on and not have slept well at all, but it happens - a lot.
With my first, I would sit and forego a shower some days because I wouldn't put him down if he even whinged. I still do hold them both often, they're never left to cry, but if I have to get ready and the baby won't settle, it's sometimes best to keep them in the room with you, obviously, and talk to them while you get ready so they know they aren't just being left to it. I've taken more than one shower with a baby sitting in a bouncy seat at the door. 🙈

Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 09:40

If was difficult to get ready with the baby because he kept standing up and wanting to be picked up, crawling around and having to be removed from emptying shelves and the bin and eating the laptop cord / phone charger / hairdryer, and so on.

Yes, I could have left him crying in his cot. I don’t parent like that though.

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 01/10/2021 09:43

So you both work full time but he’s got all the stress of getting the house ready for a viewing as well and you’re moaning because you cuddled the baby rather than got dressed?

Seriously?

Selling a house and getting it ready for viewings has to be the second top most stressful thing I have ever done after learning to drive. I don’t fuss about housework normally too but it’s different level. If he’s just wanted to hoover for the sake of it I’d be right with you but not in this case.

I hope you made the bed when you got up.

Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 09:45

Fucking hell.

OP posts:
Original poster
Darkautumnmorning · 01/10/2021 09:47

I was feeling a bit aggrieved. I now know the extent of my unreasonableness.

I think therefore the only fair thing is that tonight DP picks up our baby. He will do the bath and put him to bed and when he wakes in the night will be the one to go to him. I have a lot of stress with the house viewing so will stay in bed an hour later. Then as DP tries to get dressed and take baby to nursery I will Hoover the hall. The stress of this is horrendous and I feel terrible for not relieving DP of this sooner. Thanks, MN Smile

OP posts:
TheyWentToSeaInASieve · 01/10/2021 09:47

I am with your husband -- his priorities make sense. 20 minutes is a long time to get ready when you have overslept. I would have postponed the makeup application or whatever took you so long until after nursery drop off. You need to make up for lost time somehow. Working from home doesn't mean he is a free agent either.

SuperstarDog · 01/10/2021 09:48

Some of these posts are mad. Our children are older, but if one of us is running late for something, the other would do what they could to save the other one time. Normal in our house.

Dishwashersaurous · 01/10/2021 09:49

People are bemused because you are making out that getting ready with a baby is a really big deal. Pop him in the cot and get dressed next to him.

Fair enough if there's some massive backstory but in this case your husband has done nothing wrong.

Having a baby, selling a house and working full time is incredibly stressful.

CheeseRadio · 01/10/2021 09:50

I'd be annoyed. Not understanding some of the other replies, some of which are just plain rude tbh. Hope you get more sleep tonight!

Dishwashersaurous · 01/10/2021 09:50

Well have you got a viewing tomorrow?
If so then of course you could agree that you get the house viewing ready and he takes baby to nursery.

LaikO · 01/10/2021 09:50

Ahh I can see why people aren't coming across as overly kind now.

SuperstarDog · 01/10/2021 09:51

People are bemused because you are making out that getting ready with a baby is a really big deal. Pop him in the cot and get dressed next to him.

It also wouldn’t have been a big deal for the husband to do what he had to do whilst watching the child. And he wasn’t running to such a tight time schedule as OP so makes much more sense for the husband to watch the child, not the OP.

Dragon50 · 01/10/2021 09:53

OP - my DH would have taken the baby.

I also never left my baby to cry, I don’t think doing so is bad but I couldn’t handle the anxiety.