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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to assume my friend died?

107 replies

MRex · 30/09/2021 00:36

I used to work with him, he was someone who was close at the time. He had a heart condition and was in his 60s, a couple of big health scares. The last few years I spoke to him a few times; about mutual friends, his daughter's wedding, projects at work. I last saw him at a mutual friend's funeral pre-covid, he was very sad and said he wasn't well. I haven't heard from him in a long time and realised a text last year wasn't answered. I called and his phone is disconnected. He had that phone number at least 12 years that I've known him. He wasn't on social media, but I looked on a work area and nothing from him in two years. One friend asked me how he is; I don't know anyone else who would have known him better than us.
So, he's gone. I don't know his wife nor children, if I could even find them there's nothing much to say. He was just a lovely, gentle and funny man, and I enjoyed working with him. How do people part from acquaintances? Do I just assume he's died and lightly grieve accordingly, or do I pretend he might be out there and ok? Either approach seems fake, but then so does chasing up a man without quality checks.

OP posts:
Skysblue · 30/09/2021 22:52

I'd suggest trying to find the death certificate, I'm not sure how much info you need to locate it but that's a good starting point. Local newspaper online archive might have a death notice eg if you're in Surrey you could go to Surrey news online and search his name and see if there's anything.

WTF475878237NC · 30/09/2021 22:58

@Skysblue

Read the OP's updates

MyPatronusIsAPenguin · 30/09/2021 22:59

@WTF475878237NC Better to cancel the cheque I think!

YouTubeAddict · 30/09/2021 23:03

I had this with an old friend. Sounds almost identical to this, age, health conditions etc. We’d speak weekly on the phone after I moved 150 miles away. Anyway, one week I couldn’t get hold of him and then just radio silence. As the weeks went on I got more and more frantic worrying about him and I assumed he’d died but I didn’t have any way of contacting his daughter to ask. 9 months later my phone rang and it was him! It was a long and convoluted story involving his phone being stolen and numbers being lost (some of the story I was dubious about tbh) but we’re still good pals now.
Don’t give up hope just yet.

YouTubeAddict · 30/09/2021 23:04

Oops, should have read your update. Glad you found him.

WTF475878237NC · 30/09/2021 23:04

@MyPatronusIsAPenguin

Grin
GingerAndTheBiscuits · 30/09/2021 23:13

What a nice outcome. It’s nice that he had such an impact on you that you want to keep in touch. Enjoy your catchup in November.

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