To be hurt by this comment

[bambi1132]

So as not to drip feed we are a one income family DH being the only earner.
I told DH I need a new coat for autumn/winter as I put the one I have on yesterday and it's tight. I can zip it up but it's not comfortable, I definitely won't be able to wear it in winter with a jumper.
He asked why I need a new one and I told him my current one doesn't fit very well. And he said "well you need to lose weight then" I was shocked at this comment! I didn't even say anything back. I am overweight, we both know this, and I struggle with it. I have binge eating disorder which he is aware of.
I told him later on it has hurt my feelings and he just repeated what he said! He claimed I'm losing weight (I'm not) so he didn't want to pay for one now for it to not fit when I lose weight. I understand this logic but he's gone about it in a horrible way. He knows my weight has crept up over the last couple of years and even if I do start losing weight now it won't be enough for the coat to fit me in time for the colder weather.
Am I being too sensitive?
I should add I don't expect an expensive coat by any means, I'd be happy with a second hand one just to see me through winter.

Read your posts op

Would I be right in thinking that this is generally not a happy marriage at all? And that this issue is just one of many many issues between two of you?

I don't see how you can find a job with 15 hours of childcare a week for your preschooler, unless the job covers paying for more.

Your DH sounds unpleasant and unrealistic - I'd never ask mine to buy a coat and he'd never dream of saying no for whatever reason.

I've had to buy a whole lot of new stuff due to weight gain and he's said nothing at any point except suggested he'd help with the kids whilst I went to the gym.

Please go and buy yourself a new coat. If your not so DH is so bothered by the expense, perhaps he could sell the coat he never wears. Maybe he could also think about the cost of all the new clothes and underwear you will need after weight loss, which I’m sure has never crossed his mind.

OP, have you ever wondered if your husband could be on the autistic spectrum, because the rudeness, lack of empathy and very black and white thinking could be signs….

So a little update. Since he has got home he has apologised and said he didn't mean it to be hurtful, it was just a comment he made without thinking.
He went on to say he knows I want to lose weight and would rather spend the money on new clothes then.
I understand his logic but I told him he went about it wrong and he should know that making a comment about my weight would upset me.

I'm not sure how your update helps. I would ask, 'and what if I don't lose the weight before it gets cold?' (tbh I'm in the SE and it's pretty cold here already!) 'Am I just supposed to do without a basic necessity?'

I'd also point out he has multiple coats, one of which he's never even worn.

@Ifyoudontlikeitdosomethingelse
@Somethingsnappy
Thank you very much for your support. Sometimes people on here can be so awful.
I got signed off for anxiety and depression and started to put weight on. Then after 6 months I went back to work but eventually lost my job. My weight carried on going up despite flurries of dieting. When covid hit and I put another 2 stone on. I'm able to restrict my eating during the day but at night I just eat anything and everything. I'm fine when I'm with other people - I can control myself, but on my own I just don't seem able to. Like @Ifyoudontlikeitdosomethingelse said, I thought I was a fat lazy cow. I've always binged ate but when I was younger I controlled it with bulimia. Which I thought was a wheeze at the time but my teeth now are telling a different story.
I've had a lot of therapy for bulimia and depression and no one has ever mentioned 'binge eating disorder' to me, which is why I was surprised about it.
I appreciate that maybe this wasn't the place to ask about it, but people don't need to be so rude.

@Embroidery

Good god! This thread is a perfect example on why to never ever be dependant to a man.

I would leave him.

Can you get a job? Do you have kids?
Or just start leaving? Get a credit card and dont pay the bill? You dont owe him any explaination. Book into a hotel on the credit card?

Bad and unrealistic and ignorant advice

@ILoveShula

I'm sure I've read this exact thread before

If you’re on mumsnet for more than a few months, you realise how many people have pretty much the same problems in life

Yanbu

Buy yourself a coat that fits you now, and if you lose weight it will still fit. I would also never ask him 'permission' again. Change the dynamic.

WTAF have I just read. You have a bizarre fucked up relationship and you need to not be with this man.
Fucking mad that one would even have a conversation about buying anything