So you let your kids whatch 12/15/18 programmes when they are only 10???

[Cantcook842]

AIBU here or not? I'm not a complete rule follower. I'm sure my child has watched the old older thing occasionally.
But I'm hearing from family members and school friends about what they watch and play and it just confuses me. Do people not want their kids to be kids anymore? Are they quite happy to expose them to violence etc from a young age?
Some recent examples :
Kids in my sons class are age 9 and 10. For at least two years a lot of the boys have been playing Grand Theft Auto. This is a 17+ game due to violent content /crime /rape/prostitutes. My son constantly asking to play and join in. We say no. His cousin also plays it who is 8 years old.

Watching films such as deadpool (15) contains sex and violence. Horror films such as IT, Halloween and Chucky.

The girls in the class are all on tik tok adult accounts and most of them have phones that they bring into school and show each other very grown up videos whilst walking home.

The new recent Netflix programme Squid Games is also 17+. My husband and I watched it and enjoyed it, but it is full of violence and death. Son goes into school, kids all talking about it because they've watched it. My 7 year old daughter loves to play on Roblox, she shows me that there have been squid games created on there, aimed at very young children!

Girls at school watch love Island and think that's a good example for a how a woman to be and aspire to be influencers.
Am I the mean one for not letting my 10 year old watch adult rating programmes and games?

I understand this point, but then it's not about age appropriateness but about how you feel about fortnite and screen time overall?

It is about age appropriateness though, I think the game build contributes to age appropriateness in that and older child is better able to self regulate because they’ve had time to mature and develop that capacity. I don’t tend to need to monitor screen time for most things, because my kids will move away from things like Minecraft and MarioKart when they feel like it. Games like Fortnite, or apps like Tik Tok actively encourages ongoing use and draws them in at an age where they have fewer skills to self regulate.

I don’t like the first person killing nature of Fortnite, and Tik Tok content is too mature and too random, but the way they work forms part of my decision around age appropriateness.

Games like Fortnite, or apps like Tik Tok actively encourages ongoing use and draws them in at an age where they have fewer skills to self regulate.

This is part of why I’m strict about gaming, plus the fact that many games strongly encourage kids to spend money, and I wouldn’t allow mine to spend real money to buy video game money. It can also be quite manipulative, with kids feeling they have to spend the money to continue or progress in the game.

I get you OP, my nine year old DS and I had a chat about this last night. We were out walking and got stick in heavy rain and I joked that he would probably be the only one if his friends in a field in the rain and dark. He replied that they'd all be playing Fortnite together online. It makes me sad that he might be missing out but I'm comfortable with how we approach these things as a family. He isn't particularly bothered about the game itself and prefers Mario and games of that type but I can see its going to become a pRt of his social life in the next few years.

I'm not totally strict on ages - hes allowed to play Zelda which is a 12 as I know the game and think its ok. Hes watched all but the last two HP films but after the first ten minutes of the next he said he wanted to wait until he's older. He self regulates pretty well so I'm happy that we're doing things largely right but I worry about him being left out.

I let my children watch tv with us that we have watched and deemed appropriate. I don't consider the ratings. As a rule I avoid gore, explicit sex, glorified violence. We enjoy watching tv together- it's often the only time apart from meals we spend as a family, now we have teenagers in the mix. As they've gotten older they watch some things over their age- it's a challenge finding an under 12 that the older children haven't seen or have interest in, so the 11 year old has seen LOADS of 12s , even 15 rated- we've just finished watching queens gambit for instance which according to google isn't suitable for under 16s. It's been great to watch and talk about as a family and has inspired many interesting conversations, and they've all loved it. I don't buy into the idea that knowledge ages children or makes them adults. They have known what sex is since they were old enough to ask- they're still kids. They've known about drugs and death and many other things but they are still kids. They also play games and dolls and ride bikes and laugh at fart jokes.

I let my children watch shows too old for them. Other parents let their children have social media. Let them stay up late. Eat or drink sugar. Have hoverboards on public roads . Wear makeup. Watch reality tv. I wouldn't make that choice for my children. Each parent makes their own choices.

No way. My son is only 3 so it isn’t relevant yet, but I don’t want to risk my son getting scarred over movies that are way above his age range.
I was 12 when I watched Zombieland, which is only rated 15 I believe, and I am still terrified of zombies (and cannibals) to this day. I can’t even walk through forested areas without going into a panic attack.

IMO, it’s a recipe for disaster.

Yeah I probably would let them tbh unless it was something really really disturbing. Me and my brother used to just sneak downstairs at night to watch adult shows all the time when we were kids. So much pearl clutching on Mumsnet.

@discombobulatedonion

Sorry, just to add that I’m 23 now so 11 years on and still scarred. I did go through a phase a few years ago when I managed to watch up to season 3 of The Walking Dead but I couldn’t do that now.

To be honest if you were that highly traumatised (to the point of having panic attacks as an adult) by watching Zombieland at 12 then you were obviously an unusually sensitive child.

I’m sure if anyone had such a highly sensitive child they would watch movies beforehand and make the decision as to whether or not that would be traumatising to them.

@Schulte

I’m sorry, I don’t think a 13yo needs to see what oral sex looks like. And again, why? Why does she have to watch Bridgerton which is not meant for under 17s when there is so much other content that’s fine for her?

I’m a bit baffled how so many parents think they know better than the child psychologists who inform age ratings.

I think you are being very nieve here. A 13 year old will be fully aware of what Oral Sex is and looks like.

So again it basically comes down to knowing your child and being sensible. I’d happily let my 11 year old watch Zombieland - as far as I remember it’s basically a comedy just with a lot of shooting.

DC is 13. For ref don't allow roblox, Snapchat and I do check the phone regularly. Not allowed contacts that they don't know in real life. I had a (Kaspersky) parental restrictions app on it until 12.5. I have devices with me overnight.
At age 10 -
18 nope
15 yes if I've vetted it
12 yes
At age 13
18 nope
15 yes

@Kanaloa

I was at a sleepover and I don’t think the parents watched it beforehand. Additionally, I was fine with most of it up until the bit where the girl pops out from the side of the screen and tries to bite the main character.

It depends on the movie, never 18's.
As DC we had only 2 TV stations we watched any movie my parents rented from the video cassette man when DM was sleeping.
Friday 13th, Halloween, pet cemetery.
I remember watching black-out when I was 4/5 because I told my Dad the ending of the movie he smacked my legs for ruining it.
it wasn't right though none of us turned out to be killers or petty criminals.

Common sense here!

I’d let a 10 yo watch 12 films etc but nothing older than that. I’ve let 7 yo watch some Harry Potter films (having seen them before with my older one) that I felt were suitable.

I remember watching my first 15 film (dirty dancing as it happens which I watch with a neighbour) when I was about 12/13, so would apply a similar principle of seeing the film first and then making an assessment for my 13 yo.

I think there’s a big jump from 15 to 18 films and probably games too, so I’d be more careful. For instance, 13 yo would love to watch game of thrones because of the complex plot lines etc she’s heard about, but obviously it’s way way too violent and graphic for a 13 yo. She luckily understands that! I’d reassess my views on 18s when she’s about 16, and it would depend on the film/ programme.

my 10yo is allowed to watch 12 rated things, or even occasionally 15, depending on the context. I agree that Common Sense Media is a good resource, and I wouldn't let her watch anything rated older without being familiar with it. I'm relaxed about swearing. She can get scared with anything supernatural, so it's a no for that regardless of age rating.

My 14yo has been watching older stuff for a while, and TBH I'm quite keen for her to see (non-explicit) sexual stuff that portrays enthusiastic consent and mutual enjoyment. I think it's a counter to all the horrible porn that they will see.

Bridgerton I’d be ok with as it’s consensual sex, not sexual violence.

Not for a 10 yo, but a younger teen

My dd 10 has watched some of Stranger things.
It’s up to the parents to decide what they think their children can handle in this respect, not anyone else.

@discombobulatedonion

No way. My son is only 3 so it isn’t relevant yet, but I don’t want to risk my son getting scarred over movies that are way above his age range. I was 12 when I watched Zombieland, which is only rated 15 I believe, and I am still terrified of zombies (and cannibals) to this day. I can’t even walk through forested areas without going into a panic attack.

IMO, it’s a recipe for disaster.

Yikes.. I don’t think that’s the norm tbf.

I agree with you completely Cantcook842, stick to your guns and ignore what everyone else is doing. Mine are 15 and 17 now and I am very glad DH and I were strict on (stuck to the recommended age and checked Commonsense Media) what they watched and gaming (no social media allowed). I was brought up by my parents to believe that young minds are developing and must be protected while they are developing. I guess that’s a bit trite but with so many children suffering from mental health problems I wonder if their viewing / gaming / social media habits are contributing.

I think content appropriateness goes beyond what's depicted on-screen and that's where an element of judgement has to come in.

Commonsense Media is good on this. The IMDB Parents' Guide can be useful, although it does tend to get a bit spammed by American right-wing Christians who have conniptions every time they see a lady's ankle.

Grand Theft Auto is a good example. I as an adult really enjoy playing GTA V. It is, actually, quite sophisticated satire. It has multiple facets to it and there are plenty of opportunities, when playing in Story Mode, to allow the characters to demonstrate decent morality and ethics.

It's akin to Breaking Bad in some ways. Well written, intelligent and satirical yes but also very violent and not in any way suitable for kids. Not just because the content is violent, but also because the slickness of the satire is impossible for a 10-year-old to 'get' because they haven't experienced enough of life. I've watched kids play GTA not mine, and not on my watch, I hasten to add -- and all they seem to do is grab guns and shoot random people. It's 100% not what the game is about.

It's not new either. When I was about 13 Candyman was the thing. (The early 90s original one with Tony Todd and Virginia Madsen.) Everyone in my year at school was obsessed with it because 'he kills people with a hook' blah blah. Whereas actually, when you watch it with the awareness of an adult, you realise that it's got a lot to say about racism, sexism, slavery, how white people handle slavery, social class, how history is recorded, the oral tradition vs written records. It's a smart film -- that just happens to be about a vengeful spirit covered in bees and with a hook for a hand.

‘ I don't buy into the idea that knowledge ages children or makes them adults. They have known what sex is since they were old enough to ask- they're still kids. They've known about drugs and death and many other things but they are still kids. ’

It’s not about knowledge, it’s about the pictures you are putting in their heads by letting them watch these films. As an adult, you see something, put it into context, and move on. As a child and young teen, you soak up everything you see and it influences how you perceive the world.

When I was 5 or 6, our neighbour babysat us. She let us see a disaster movie which haunted me for years to come. You can’t know how certain scenes affect your child.

I know people get murdered, for example. That doesn’t mean watching someone being murdered wouldn’t be deeply perturbing to me.

See what I mean?

‘ I guess that’s a bit trite but with so many children suffering from mental health problems I wonder if their viewing / gaming / social media habits are contributing.’

Yes, and that. Young minds work totally differently to adult brains.

@Schulte

‘ I guess that’s a bit trite but with so many children suffering from mental health problems I wonder if their viewing / gaming / social media habits are contributing.’

Yes, and that. Young minds work totally differently to adult brains.

Well, yes, of course it's playing a part. But the problem is that parents try to ban it so it goes underground. or they don't keep on top of it. Or aren't aware of things. It's v v difficult and few get it right all of the time, but you can't just pretend this stuff isn't happening or that they aren't seeing it.

I have a 9 yr old and I let her watch things with us as a family,Now this includes shows like 8 out of 10 cats does countdown and stand up comedies in general.There is bad language but it is used in context and its funny, Films are different, she loves Bond films and dirty dancing etc which all contain grown up material but mostof that goes over her head,if it doesnt and she asks I explain in an appropriate calm way,We don;t do horror films or the like nor do we play games,She has a switch and she picks her own games,none of which are fighting ones. She has tiktok and spends her time on that watching animals or children do funny things I know this because she knows what she llikes and we share it,,she will often come and say Mum you need to see this singing rabbit etc, I don;t censor things,She was going on about a game someone had told her about and this created a fascination with her to see it almost an obsession so I knew the only way to shut her up was to take the mystery from it.I found a clip watched it myself and then I showed her,She watched it with me and then decided it was rubbish,,Often the idea of something is very different from the actual thing,I work on the theory of reaserch,knowing my child and where she is mentally and if I think its ok and reasonable then we will give it a try together..She knows if she hears rude words on tv she is not to repeat them if she understands them and she doesnt because we don't use language like that at all,and we don;t so its ok in the context of the programme but it is a programme and not real life ,she gets this. Kids are very bright these days and they understand more than sometimes we give them credit for.