So you let your kids whatch 12/15/18 programmes when they are only 10???

[Cantcook842]

AIBU here or not? I'm not a complete rule follower. I'm sure my child has watched the old older thing occasionally.
But I'm hearing from family members and school friends about what they watch and play and it just confuses me. Do people not want their kids to be kids anymore? Are they quite happy to expose them to violence etc from a young age?
Some recent examples :
Kids in my sons class are age 9 and 10. For at least two years a lot of the boys have been playing Grand Theft Auto. This is a 17+ game due to violent content /crime /rape/prostitutes. My son constantly asking to play and join in. We say no. His cousin also plays it who is 8 years old.

Watching films such as deadpool (15) contains sex and violence. Horror films such as IT, Halloween and Chucky.

The girls in the class are all on tik tok adult accounts and most of them have phones that they bring into school and show each other very grown up videos whilst walking home.

The new recent Netflix programme Squid Games is also 17+. My husband and I watched it and enjoyed it, but it is full of violence and death. Son goes into school, kids all talking about it because they've watched it. My 7 year old daughter loves to play on Roblox, she shows me that there have been squid games created on there, aimed at very young children!

Girls at school watch love Island and think that's a good example for a how a woman to be and aspire to be influencers.
Am I the mean one for not letting my 10 year old watch adult rating programmes and games?

I think it entirely depends on the child and the situation, and importantly, how parents interact/engage with it. DS has definitely watched things that I consider a bit hardcore - but him and DH watch them together and there's a lot of chat about issues etc.

Ironically, DS has more freedom than a lot of his friends in what he does and watches etc, and yet he's far more questioning of misogynist or homophobic attitudes etc than many of his friends and peers. Not only at home, but at school - we have had teachers comment to us on interactions they've observed where DS has told off other boys for behaving unkindly to girls or similar and I have had at least one girl's mother approach me to say that DS had been very kind/helped her out when other boys were being mean.

But I think it's because while he might be allowed more, there's also a LOT of supervision and discussion of these things as they come up. If he's watching something we don't like, we discuss why we don't like it and the issues rather than making him just turn it off, for example.

It does help that he's quite mature. I suspect that with DD we'll do it slower as although she is academically much more advanced, she's far more sensitive and less mature than he was at the same age.

My kids are 8 and 5. They have Roblox but I don't allow Fortnite, much to the absolute disgust of the 8 year old. I'm becoming increasingly torn on this because, whilst I've always been very firm in my boundaries and not backed down just because other kids are allowed to do something, so many of his friends play it now, and they are all online together playing after school every day that it's affecting his friendships.

As for films, I use Common Sense Media for guidance and I don't think the ratings can always be relied upon, as what affects one child won't affect another. For example we let the 8 year old watch certain 12s with us (such as Marvel stuff) and he's absolutely fine, but he was really traumatised by ET, which is a U!

Not a chance we'd let him watch any 15 or 18 for a long time yet though.

I tend to use common sense. GTA, Fortnite and Tik Tok are a hard “no” for my 8 and 10 year old. They’re too much of a time sink, to easy to get into stuff I don’t want for them and some of the values they promote aren’t ok. My DD loves anime, which can be tricky in terms of content so I keep a close eye on that.

They both have watched the Marvel movies with me and DH, and things like Cruella and Malificent, fantasy violence is ok for them both but more realistic violence isn’t. Very mild, consensual sex references are ok (though they’re both at the “yuck, smooching” stage).

I think knowing your kids, good supervision and being able to chat about what you’re watching makes a huge difference. I do pay attention to age ratings and would pre-watch anything of an older rating first to see if I thought it was suitable. I also check with parents about movies on sleepovers etc.

@Cantcook842

I've never heard of that website. Just had a look, it's very useful.

Description on there of squid games :

"WHAT PARENTS NEED TO KNOW

Parents need to know that the level of violenceis very intense inSquid Game. Characters are systematically tortured and killed for the sadistic pleasure of a game master. Adults have sex, and there are threats of sexual violence -- women are grabbed by the hair and beaten. Themes concerningthe highs one gets from gambling, winning, or conning money are a main focus." so absolutely not appropriate for a 9 year old who still believes in santa and the Easter bunny!

I'm 31 and I've been watching it with my partner and honestly I can't imagine even wanting to watch it with our teenager, never mind a 9yo.

‘YANBU, I find it shocking too. I know 13 yo girls who’ve watched all of Bridgerton, including that oral sex scene.’

I would let a 13 year old watch that. It isn’t graphic. It is just a man going down on a woman while both are fully clothed isn’t it? And it is only a couple of seconds long.

My kids watched 12A stuff like Marvel and Star Wars when they were 9/10 which is fine imo.

I find it interesting how certificate 12 became a 12A so kids just under could watch with an adult if it was deemed suitable.

Are the kids watching whole movies or are they getting clips off YouTube of the worst bits and acting like they've seen it ?

At 10 I'd let my kids watch most 12s but not 15s and definitely not 18s! We've had the GTA, horror films etc chat as we get 'but my friends can' I say well I feel sorry for them that they're being exposed to adult things they shouldn't and their parents should be looking after them better.

I'm not sure I understand why not Fortnite for an 8 year old? It's all very clinical and is really just about winning - there's no real sense of actually "killing" someone. Frankly, it doesn't feel any different to the way my DS tries to beat his opponents in his actual karate class. And it definitely is a useful tool for children to interact with each other when at home.

Age 9/10 DS was allowed to watch 12 rated movies mainly these were the Marvel films.

He was allowed to watch rated 15 from about 12/13 but this depended entirely on the film, whether I had already seen it and deemed it ok and/or what common sense media said.

He is approaching 14 and we've only just started to consider the odd 18 rated film, but he knows better than to ask for GTA and he knows why aswell!

I find that game morally reprehensible, he will not be getting it before he is 18 and even then if he wants it he can buy it himself, although I'd hope I'd taught him better to be honest.

@WimpoleHat

Depends what it is and why it has the rating. Swearing? Meh. Sex? If it’s in context and everyone’s an adult and having a good time, I don’t worry. Violence? Hard no.

But isn't the whole point that the sex is between consenting ADULTS... why would your child need to watch it?

They are not actually having sex though. It isn’t porn.

I’m sorry, I don’t think a 13yo needs to see what oral sex looks like. And again, why? Why does she have to watch Bridgerton which is not meant for under 17s when there is so much other content that’s fine for her?

I’m a bit baffled how so many parents think they know better than the child psychologists who inform age ratings.

I'm not sure I understand why not Fortnite for an 8 year old?

For me it’s the time sink nature of the game, with kids wanting to play for longer and longer, while behaviour deteriorates. It’s designed to draw kids in whether that’s be buying v-bucks or joining games that become all too competitive.

It’s not just the content of the game, it’s the play quality and the way the game is constructed to keep kids engaged I don’t like. My DS would play something like Minecraft for an hour or so, but would play Fortnite all day and night if I let him, and complain loudly when asked to come off.

@Coronawireless

I do think the underlying message is very important. Hunger Games is violent and sad but has a heroine who is a fantastic role model for girls. Likewise stranger things which emphasises kindness and loyalty to family and friends, including people who are marginalised or quirky. Even squid games explores themes of whether you should look after yourself or others and shows the pros and cons of these decisions. There is thought behind these stories. As opposed to many 12 rated teen shows where the girls seem to do nothing but shop and buy clothes to attract boys.

Lol it's been too longer since I watched the Hunger Games, but the Squid Games is extremely violent in every episode & has at least one or two full on sex scenes. The themes you talk of are pretty secondary to the main storyline!Slightly baffled by what people allow their children to be exposed to.

But they don’t get to see what oral sex looks like. It isn’t porn.

It is just a man with his head in front of a woman’s crotch for a couple of seconds before kissing her. Both are closed.

I doubt that was the scene that got it an 18 rating.

Clothed not closed!

Mine are all under 12, and I let them watch films up to a 12 rating. They're mainly the Marvel/DC collection, and I'm there watching too. I won't let them have Roblox though, or TikTok etc. as I can't can't and watch what's going on and I don't trust those platforms.

I agree with you OP let them be kids whilst they can. They have so much time to access more adult content. Also I think it is important to be a parent as opposed to being a friend. We are allowed to say No.

It does however depend on the child; and younger siblings are often exposed to things slightly earlier.

@Jellycatspyjamas

I'm not sure I understand why not Fortnite for an 8 year old?

For me it’s the time sink nature of the game, with kids wanting to play for longer and longer, while behaviour deteriorates. It’s designed to draw kids in whether that’s be buying v-bucks or joining games that become all too competitive.

It’s not just the content of the game, it’s the play quality and the way the game is constructed to keep kids engaged I don’t like. My DS would play something like Minecraft for an hour or so, but would play Fortnite all day and night if I let him, and complain loudly when asked to come off.

I understand this point, but then it's not about age appropriateness but about how you feel about fortnite and screen time overall?

I have to say, when we first allowed fortnite we did struggle with self regulation and there were a few arguments. But we had a very strict rule from day 1 which is that fortnite (or other PS games) could only be played if other committments etc were done. eg, there was no option to refuse to go to visit a friend because you'd rather play fortnite or whatever.

And over time, they've all self regulated. They do still play but often just don't bother. Or they swap to other games - DS and his friends are currently all about FIFA online rather than Fortnite for example.

I’d also rather they see some things for the first time with me at home than elsewhere. Or be exposed to certain issues by an older child who they will then think is cool.

Its context though- I watch some older rated movies/tv with my teenage daughter- its lead to some great conversations about healthy relationships/ consent etc

But children have different sensitivities at different ages which of course you have to be sensitive to.

Mine is 9 and cant do any of the ones you originally listed but has watched HP which some are a 12 has watched other 12 films that we've watched first and deemed suitable ie Jurrasic World Jumanji ect and plays fortnight apart from that everything else is appropriate.

Also Bridgerton isn’t an 18 rating in the U.K., it is a 15, probably because we have different cultural attitudes to sex than the US and not because child psychologists seem our children more mature!

There are plenty of 15 rated films I let my 13 year old watch with me.

My children are young (9,8,5). They don't have social media/phones. They have Netflix 'child' accounts, you tube kids and restricted you tube access.

Older two play Fortnite but are only allowed online with selected friends, all 3 play Minecraft and we have a Nintendo switch. I wouldn't allow any games with sexual content or hardcore violence. GTA absolutely no way.

DH and I generally watch a film first and vet it if a 12A - Thor Ragnarok was ok but I didn't allow Black Panther because lots of guns/shooting. New star wars films ok etc. DS desperate to watch Deadpool but it's a hard no, as is anything with explicit sexual references, a lot of realistic violence, or more than minor swearing.

DD is 5 and really wants to play Roblox but I'm vetoing it at present til I've found out more, as I've heard so many stories about easily accessible inappropriate content on it.

I grew up in the 80s/90's and was allowed to watch whatever I wanted - things like RoboCop/Terminator/Aliens when I was 7 or 8 and whilst it didn't do me any harm per se, it's not really what I'd want to emulate for my own kids.