Wedding guest seating arrangements

[GemmaRuby]

BIL (DH’s brother) is getting married and DH is the best man.
BIL has told DH that he will be sitting at the top table, and that our baby and I will be sitting at a different table.
Also at the top table are bride’s parents, groom’s mother and father, but not groom’s step-mother.

I would have preferred DH to sit with me and the baby, and just go up to the top table for his speech (DH would prefer this too).
I also think it’s harsh that step-mum isn’t at the top table.

For context, we all get on well, we’re not going to say anything, just interested in what others think.

So, AIBU - wedding party sit at top table regardless of their families

AINBU - husbands and wives should be seated together.

Not your wedding = not your decision. I doubt they care what you think and you need to keep your nose out. I’m confused about why you’re getting so involved in this level of detail

It's formally correct but obviously not conducive to a pleasant and relaxed meal for many who end up sitting alone ..I think splitting couples is awful and st our wedding we didn't do it !

Too many couples obsess about themselves and don't actually remember to be good hosts

They are fine to decide what they would like, but I think it would be equally fine for you to leave the baby with your family, if you'd find that more enjoyable. Is the wedding near to where you live? Maybe the relatives can come and see the baby the following day.

@EL8888

Not your wedding = not your decision. I doubt they care what you think and you need to keep your nose out. I’m confused about why you’re getting so involved in this level of detail

The Best Man in question (who would also prefer to sit with his Wife and Child than on the top table) is the Groom's brother, and DH of the OP.

If the Groom really 'doesn't care what they think' why ask him to be Best Man in the first place? Why even have them at the wedding? There's nobody invited to ours whose comfort and enjoyment of the day we don't value equally to our own.

What an odd world some people inhabit.

Oh & just once more for the people at the back..

The OP Hasn't Asked Them To Change Their Seating Plan Nor Is She Intending To. RTFT!

The best man and bridesmaids didn’t sit at our top table, they sat with their partners, so no they don’t ALWAYS.

I’ve been to various other weddings where they didn’t as well.

I find it strange that we’re there to celebrate a marriage but everyone else’s marriages are ignored

Not sitting together doesn’t mean a marriage is being ignored, married couples aren’t joined at the hip and can sit separately.
As for the SM, I’ve not been to a wedding where a step parent has been at the top table, just the actual parents.

@ImInStealthMode I am genuinely confused about why it’s being fixated about or debated. Whether l have been a bridesmaid or a partner has been best man, l have never delved into table planning or seating. Until the actual wedding breakfast, where l errr sit down and eat the food. It’s one meal out of someone’s whole life?!

@GreyhoundG1rl

I find it strange that we’re there to celebrate a marriage but everyone else’s marriages are ignored. Not "a" marriage; their marriage. Not your marriage, not everyone in the audience's marriage - theirs. Why are you struggling so hard with this fairly simple concept?

This ^

Also, as you said you have to take the baby as many of the extended family want to meet your baby, then it sounds like you will have plenty of willing volunteers to hold the baby for 5 mins whilst you eat your meal, if the baby isn't old enough to sit in a high chair at this point (I don't remember seeing the age the baby will be when it is the wedding day).

I'm with you OP.
We had no Top Table, it's just awkward and anti social nonsense that's done because "it's the done thing".
We arranged seating with our family and friends comfort and enjoyment in mind, not some BS tradition.
DHs brother was seated at the next table with his partner and delivered possibly the best Best Man speech that has ever been written exceptionally well from there.

I found this interesting as I only today approached my Dad about his wife, not my mum, not being on our top table and sitting with her invited sons. They got together in my mid 20s, now in my 40s. Myself and my OH have massively complicated families so wanted to keep the top table just 2 parents each. On my side, they aren't together obviously.

He was fairly outraged that I would insult his wife and separate them for the meal, insinuating it was a slap in the face of all the love and support she has shown me over the years. She has, and I love her but ultimately, I wanted my Mum and my Dad only beside me. She would not be the only 'step parent' not on the table.

Needless to say, this thread has made me feel like what I've asked of him is quite reasonable. It is 2 hours. One meal. However, sweetheart table it is now as he's said he can't accept it and it'd be ruined now anyway.

OP, go along with the couples seating plan. Please, it's hard enough as it is! Xx

This happened when our son (who is now 2, was 2 months old). My partner was best man and sat at the top table, meanwhile I was sat on a table with complete strangers caring for our 2 month old alone. I went with the flow, however, and we had a great time!