Page 2 | Wedding guest seating arrangements

GemmaRuby · 2021-09-27T18:16:51+00:00

BIL (DH’s brother) is getting married and DH is the best man. BIL has told DH that he will be sitting at the top table, and that our baby and I will be sitting at a different table. Also at the top table are bride’s parents, groom’s mother and father, but not groom’s step-mother. I would have preferred DH to sit with me and the baby, and just go up to the top table for his speech (DH would prefer this too). I also think it’s harsh that step-mum isn’t at the top table. For context, we all get on well, we’re not going to say anything, just interested in what others think. So, AIBU - wedding party sit at top table regardless of their families AINBU - husbands and wives should be seated together.

TolkiensFallow · 27/09/2021 19:33

Sorry the best man sits with the groom

Summersun2020 · 27/09/2021 19:33

YABU. Sorry, people who worry about managing ONE meal alone with a baby baffle me. It’s one meal! And it’s his brothers wedding! How do you cope in day to day life? No it won’t be as enjoyable wrangling a baby but tough luck, she’s your baby. My answer would be identical if you were a bridesmaid at your sisters wedding.

Kite22 · 27/09/2021 19:33

It isn't "regardless". There will be all sorts of relationships within extended families, and in-law families, and then friends (potentially for best man and bridesmaids sometimes) and all sorts of styles of weddings.
However, what your BiL has arranged is absolutely the traditional way of doing things. I have never sat by dh when he has been best man, and wouldn't have expected to.

YABU to be tutting at their arrangements rather than helping and supporting them and being excited about their big day, but at least you have said you aren't gong to say anything.

Summersun2020 · 27/09/2021 19:33

Also yes the best man ALWAYS sits at the top table, if he asks to sit with you people will think you’re controlling and weird.

Georgewontsleepnow · 27/09/2021 19:34

YABU. Give the bride and groom their day without fussing or complaining. Embrace meeting new people, and free your DH up to be a brilliant and supportive best man. Friendships are important.

MattyGroves · 27/09/2021 19:35

I think that is the norm.

I have taken a baby to a wedding solo before - depending on the age of baby, my main tips are: take both sling and pram and don't be shy about asking someone else to hold them when you need to eat.

Milkbottlelegs · 27/09/2021 19:35

We did the same, had best men and adult bridesmaids on the top table. But we made sure their partners were sat with close friends.

Original poster

GemmaRuby · 27/09/2021 19:35

@Summersun2020

YABU. Sorry, people who worry about managing ONE meal alone with a baby baffle me. It’s one meal! And it’s his brothers wedding! How do you cope in day to day life? No it won’t be as enjoyable wrangling a baby but tough luck, she’s your baby. My answer would be identical if you were a bridesmaid at your sisters wedding.

I cope by avoiding occasions where my crying baby will cause a disruption! I’m not worried about my own enjoyment, it’s everyone else’s I’m concerned about.

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fizzybootlace · 27/09/2021 19:35

I don't think it would hurt for you DH to ask, if they say no then fine, you'll just have to go with it.

Our best man sat with his wife and our friends and came up to do the speech, it really makes no difference to anyone.

Summersun2020 · 27/09/2021 19:37

And how exactly will your husband say next to you prevent the baby from crying? Baby cries, you pick her up and leave the room, unfortunately eating your meal cold usually. That’s life with kids 🤷🏼‍♀️

DuringDinnerMints · 27/09/2021 19:40

It sounds like the usual set up. Our best man had a young baby so we had the whole family on our table so they could be together. It didn't seem fair that his wife was left to look after the baby on her own whilst trying to eat. We had a round table like the others though, rather than a top table.

Darkstar4855 · 27/09/2021 19:40

I am a stepmother. I would not expect to be seated at the top table if/when my stepson gets married. It’s a day for him and his parents.

Georgewontsleepnow · 27/09/2021 19:40

If your baby cries, you leave the room. Your food may get cold, you may not eat. Standard baby parenting.
DH missed most of my brothers wedding holding our baby outside. I did a reading and DD was a flower girl. Standard parenting sacrifices!

Original poster

GemmaRuby · 27/09/2021 19:41

The poll says IABU, so I’m in the minority.

Amazing how many people have interpreted my idle wondering about people’s opinions on seating plans as:

I can’t cope with my own baby
I’m demanding to sit on the top table
I’m annoyed, possibly furious.
I’m controlling and weird.

Thanks to those who have given your opinions and experiences without any of the above.

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GreenClock · 27/09/2021 19:42

Are your parents/siblings invited? If not, could one of them babysit for the duration of the wedding if you’re concerned about your baby playing up? That way, you can relax and enjoy it.

You’re getting a bit of a hard time on here and it’s unwarranted. You only asked a question! I hope you have a great time.

Bananarama21 · 27/09/2021 19:43

GemmaRuby

Summersun2020

YABU. Sorry, people who worry about managing ONE meal alone with a baby baffle me. It’s one meal! And it’s his brothers wedding! How do you cope in day to day life? No it won’t be as enjoyable wrangling a baby but tough luck, she’s your baby. My answer would be identical if you were a bridesmaid at your sisters wedding.

I cope by avoiding occasions where my crying baby will cause a disruption! I’m not worried about my own enjoyment, it’s everyone else’s I’m concerned about

There wedding isn't about you if you struggle that much to have a meal with a baby in a highchair or carry cot then maybe get your family to look after the child. Don't be want to one of those nightmare guests.

ImInStealthMode · 27/09/2021 19:49

The politics demonstrated in this thread are why we'll have a sweetheart table.

Top tables were fine decades ago when most sets of parents were still married to each other and bridesmaids / best man were often unmarried themselves but IMO in days of more blended families they can cause more upset than they're worth.

I'd much rather our lovely Best Man enjoy some rare time having fun with his wife free from their young kids (they've arranged child care for the day). What's the point in him spending 80% of the day sat next us to when he only needs to be at DP's side pre-ceremony and for his speech?

OP I wouldn't object if that's how I was seated at someone else's wedding but I think it's a bit daft to seat couples apart for the sake of formality.

Hillary17 · 27/09/2021 19:51

Yes it’s normal for the wedding party to sit at the top table. Guests and plus ones at another table. It’s one meal for a couple of hours max.

JLQ1020 · 27/09/2021 19:51

Wedding party sit together at top table in any wedding I've ever been to.
It's only for the meal and speeches then u can sit together.

SunshineCake1 · 27/09/2021 19:52

YABU to expect you and the baby to be on the top table. Dh and I had his parents, his best man, the man who gave me away, his wife and their child who was my pageboy .

Etinox · 27/09/2021 19:54

@Summersun2020

Also yes the best man ALWAYS sits at the top table, if he asks to sit with you people will think you’re controlling and weird.

This I’m afraid. Can you sit with stepmom?

ArnoldBee · 27/09/2021 20:01

Best suggestion - send DH to the top table with the baby. They'll soon send him back!

Original poster

GemmaRuby · 27/09/2021 20:02

@ImInStealthMode

The politics demonstrated in this thread are why we'll have a sweetheart table.

Top tables were fine decades ago when most sets of parents were still married to each other and bridesmaids / best man were often unmarried themselves but IMO in days of more blended families they can cause more upset than they're worth.

I'd much rather our lovely Best Man enjoy some rare time having fun with his wife free from their young kids (they've arranged child care for the day). What's the point in him spending 80% of the day sat next us to when he only needs to be at DP's side pre-ceremony and for his speech?

OP I wouldn't object if that's how I was seated at someone else's wedding but I think it's a bit daft to seat couples apart for the sake of formality.

That’s what I think. We didn’t have a top table at our wedding because we wanted couples to sit together. I find it strange that we’re there to celebrate a marriage but everyone else’s marriages are ignored.

But I know I’m definitely in the minority to feel like this and people are very wedded to the traditional top table.

OP posts:

SpiderinaWingMirror · 27/09/2021 20:03

I think it's whatever works! We went to a wedding recently and top table was bride, groom, best man (my dh), me, brides best friends (2).
Her parents couldn't come because of age, distance, etc.

Original poster

GemmaRuby · 27/09/2021 20:04

@GreenClock

Are your parents/siblings invited? If not, could one of them babysit for the duration of the wedding if you’re concerned about your baby playing up? That way, you can relax and enjoy it.

You’re getting a bit of a hard time on here and it’s unwarranted. You only asked a question! I hope you have a great time.

Thank you :) BIL and future SIL want the baby to be there and there’s lots of DH’s extended family who will want to meet him so he’ll have to come unfortunately.

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