Wedding guest seating arrangements

[GemmaRuby]

BIL (DH’s brother) is getting married and DH is the best man.
BIL has told DH that he will be sitting at the top table, and that our baby and I will be sitting at a different table.
Also at the top table are bride’s parents, groom’s mother and father, but not groom’s step-mother.

I would have preferred DH to sit with me and the baby, and just go up to the top table for his speech (DH would prefer this too).
I also think it’s harsh that step-mum isn’t at the top table.

For context, we all get on well, we’re not going to say anything, just interested in what others think.

So, AIBU - wedding party sit at top table regardless of their families

AINBU - husbands and wives should be seated together.

Just because something is 'tradition' doesn't mean it suits everyone or can't be questioned.
But the bride and groom have chosen to go the traditional route. It doesn't really have to suit anyone else, nor is the guest's place to "question it", really.

@GreyhoundG1rl OP is not questioning it with the Bride and Groom though is she?

She's asking strangers here if she's unreasonable to prefer it if her DH were seated with her and their DC, which she's absolutely not!

Also yes the best man ALWAYS sits at the top table, if he asks to sit with you people will think you’re controlling and weird
Yes, this. Even if it was his own choice it's pretty unusual for best man not to be at top table and folk will think you had a hand in it. (I had to do it with a 6 month and 2 year old. It's survivable)

I’m controlling and weird

I think most people have said that's how it might appear to others.

DH has been best man at both his 2 brothers weddings and a friends. At all 3 he has been on the top table with maximum 2 parents from each side and I have sat with family (or friends at 1), with our 2 young children, alone. I assumed this was standard.

oddly when i have been bridesmaid twice i have not been top table (only maid of honour is) and have sat with DH and the children at a standard table.

I find it strange that we’re there to celebrate a marriage but everyone else’s marriages are ignored

High drama.

Op I understand where you are coming from! I know it’s the done thing but it does take some of the joy out of the day for you (I get it’s about the couple married ect though) I have always said if I have a wedding I won’t do it myself personally but I’m not very traditional in general😂 I would be the same, wishing in my head we were at the same table! I think it’s ok to feel that way it’s not like you are demanding a revision of the seating plan!

It’s only a meal , surely you can cope alone with that , and if your child creates then pop outside with them and let your husband enjoy being a best man

Top tables are stupid. When parents are separated it’s much better to have each one/pair hosting a different table. Bride and groom can choose friends or sit on their own.

But don’t parents traditionally sit with the in-law of the opposite sex anyway? It should be very easy to keep divorced parents apart at a top table.

Yabu. That's normal.

We didn't have a seating plan but my sister in law made sure we had some family table and a seat that said and Mrs username. So I would tell your bil to shove it quite frankly

Sorry I read that wrong. I thought you were getting married

@Myusernameisnotmyusernameno

We didn't have a seating plan but my sister in law made sure we had some family table and a seat that said and Mrs username. So I would tell your bil to shove it quite frankly

Eh?

Entirely normal.

I find it strange that we’re there to celebrate a marriage but everyone else’s marriages are ignored

What everyone else said

Or do like we did and don’t bother with a reception. Since most couples are living together, many even have children, before they get married why is there so much fuss surrounding weddings these days? All this “but it’s tradition” when nothing thus far in the couple’s relationship had been “traditional” is just a bit wanky, in my opinion. You are no less married if you don’t have a reception. I feel the same way about honeymoons.

@KentuckyCriedFricken

Or do like we did and don’t bother with a reception. Since most couples are living together, many even have children, before they get married why is there so much fuss surrounding weddings these days? All this “but it’s tradition” when nothing thus far in the couple’s relationship had been “traditional” is just a bit wanky, in my opinion. You are no less married if you don’t have a reception. I feel the same way about honeymoons.

Maybe op should suggest this to the bride and groom, then. I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

It is definitely normal thing. I think if it were my wedding I’d sit the best man with his wife and baby.

@KentuckyCriedFricken

Or do like we did and don’t bother with a reception. Since most couples are living together, many even have children, before they get married why is there so much fuss surrounding weddings these days? All this “but it’s tradition” when nothing thus far in the couple’s relationship had been “traditional” is just a bit wanky, in my opinion. You are no less married if you don’t have a reception. I feel the same way about honeymoons.

Can’t anyone do anything just for fun anymore? Does there always have to be this handwringing ‘But what’s the point?’ attitude?

I find it strange that we’re there to celebrate a marriage but everyone else’s marriages are ignored. bit dramatic. It isn't "ignoring" your marriage to spend a few hours not sat next to each other.

How old is baby? I'd make it clear to DH that he still has to help, he's not there as a single guy

@KentuckyCriedFricken

Or do like we did and don’t bother with a reception. Since most couples are living together, many even have children, before they get married why is there so much fuss surrounding weddings these days? All this “but it’s tradition” when nothing thus far in the couple’s relationship had been “traditional” is just a bit wanky, in my opinion. You are no less married if you don’t have a reception. I feel the same way about honeymoons.

Because I WANTED one. You didn't, that's cool too. But I wanted time to dance and have a drink with my friend and family, to see the kids let lose to dance (very few of us had them so still a novelty, not so much now I have my own 😂), to do our first dance and cut the cake and do extra speeches. Just like I wanted a honeymoon but because the cruise didn't leave for months we had a mini moon first which was just like a holiday except we knew it was more.

Some people want a wedding not just a ceremony. Some people want just a ceremony. Both are fine.

I'm sure your husband can take the baby for a bit. He'll probably want to anyway, and there is usually a bit of circulation between courses.

@GreyhoundG1rl
I read it wrong. I thought she was the one getting married and her bil had said she couldn't sit on the top table so I was saying we never had a top table at our wedding. Anyway it's irrelevant because I got the wrong end of the proverbial stick.

I think most adults can make small talk with strangers for the duration of a wedding breakfast but regardless of what bride and groom and extended family want I would leave baby at home so you can relax and enjoy the wet.

[quote Myusernameisnotmyusernameno]@GreyhoundG1rl
I read it wrong. I thought she was the one getting married and her bil had said she couldn't sit on the top table so I was saying we never had a top table at our wedding. Anyway it's irrelevant because I got the wrong end of the proverbial stick. [/quote]
Oh, I see!