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Original poster

“If you were a single parent you’d have to manage”

106 replies

Popsiclewopsicle · 26/09/2021 12:26

I don’t know if I’m being really unreasonable but I’m trying to convey to dh how much that statement upsets me.

I’m loaded with cold (multiple tests later it’s defo a cold) and dh went to golf yesterday like he does every Saturday. Left at 9.30, back at 4.30. They’d played a round and then went for some drinks after like the normally do. He’d messaged a few times about this and that and I’d mentioned how utterly crap I was feeling and on deaths door (yessss I know it’s “just” a cold but it’s really knocked me on my bum) and I just felt like, ffs could you not just have come home after your finished instead of going to the pub for a couple of hours.

I spend all day everyday “looking” after dds and dh, I just want some consideration and care and “looking after” back. So we’ve had a row and he’s come out with that, and now I just feel, is that really how low the bar should be.

Should add dds are primary age but old enough to keep themselves entertained

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 26/09/2021 12:28

That’s an incredibly shitty thing to think or say.

Too late but you could have replied the same. If he was a single parent he couldn’t up and leave whenever he liked for an adult day out.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 26/09/2021 12:29

Tell him if that’s his attitude then he should pack his bags.

Single parents manage because they have no other option.

621CustardCream438 · 26/09/2021 12:30

Well when he comes down with it he’d be getting very little sympathy from me. But my hunch is he’s a crap DH in many ways and this is just tip of the iceberg.

We operate on a “would you take a day of sick leave from work for this?” basis, and if so then the other would cancel plans, especially if they’re routine socialising plans not a once in a lifetime opportunity.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 26/09/2021 12:32

I'm a single parent, when I'm ill Dds dad will come get her or she'll go to my parents, or we'll both go to my parents and theyll look after both of us depending on what sort of 'ill' I am.

If he was a single parent he wouldn't be able to go to golf every weekend because he'd have the DD EOW.

NorthernDramaLlama · 26/09/2021 12:32

Suggest he tries it out next weekend! He can look after them and you can disappear off and enjoy yourself?

catfunk · 26/09/2021 12:32

What a cunt

Cam2020 · 26/09/2021 12:32

What an arse!

I'd be tempted to become a single parent since he's so little support. You'd get more time for yourself if you were, assuming he had access, and he'd have fewer weekends to bugger off and play golf!

Whatwouldscullydo · 26/09/2021 12:32

Well if he was the single parent he'd not he down the pub and playing golf.

Works both ways right Hmm

Seeingadistance · 26/09/2021 12:33

If you were a single parent you’d get more time for yourself, wouldn’t have to look after him, and he would not be able to play golf every Saturday.

There are distinct advantages to being a single parent, especially for women who married selfish arseholes.

Brownpigeon · 26/09/2021 12:33

We'll he couldn't go to golf every week if he was a single parent, so I'd suggest to him he thinks very fucking carefully before he gives you that idea. What a twat.

m0therofdragons · 26/09/2021 12:33

Well what’s the point of having a partner when they want to top act is if you’re a single parent?

SouthSideSally · 26/09/2021 12:34

Nice.

”lets try it shall we. 50/50 contact arrangement.”

girlmom21 · 26/09/2021 12:35

"Yep and you'd have the kids EOW so wouldn't be able to go and play golf and have drinks like you do at the moment you massive knobhead"

Tell him being a single parent is quite appealing right now because you'd have one less man child to look after.

MzHz · 26/09/2021 12:35

If you were a single parent you’d get EOW off and a day or so in the week…

Remind him golf is a hobby, his kids are also his responsibility

SouthSideSally · 26/09/2021 12:35

But seriously it sounds as though a conversation needs to be had about how much time you BOTH get away from family responsibilities. If you feel like you are taking on the bulk of it you will start to resent him and that's no way to live.

Theunamedcat · 26/09/2021 12:36

Its true but it doesn't make him less of a swine for saying it

Knittedfairies · 26/09/2021 12:38

If you had a cold on his weekend you could have stayed in bed - and he wouldn't be playing golf and drinking afterwards!

TurnUpTurnip · 26/09/2021 12:39

I often think this about people being a single parent myself but I’m a single parent with no involvement from my ex so I don’t get your typical days off like most single parents do (we don’t all get weekends free!) so have no choice but to manage, but your DH saying it to you is very rude

Dillydollydingdong · 26/09/2021 12:43

So having him around isn't actually any benefit to you? You might as well be on your own then? Tell him that from now on you're going to have alternate weekends off, like a single parent would. He can cope on his own like you have to. I can't believe you've allowed him to do this for all this time!

PhoboPhobia · 26/09/2021 12:45

FFS what an utter dick. I don’t understand how someone can have so little care for a person they married and had children with.

The fact that he prioritised his hobby over your illness speaks volumes about what type of person he is.

Ozberry · 26/09/2021 12:45

But you aren’t a single parent. You are in a partnership.

Does he pull his weight in other areas or is parenting your job?

Suitcaseseverywhere · 26/09/2021 12:45

If you were a single parent his golf would be severely curtailed as he’d have to have the kids on a regular basis.

MrsTesfaye · 26/09/2021 12:48

Tell him you'd be better off as a single parent as it means he would have the DC a couple of days a week, leaving you childfree and giving you a much needed break.

lollipoprainbow · 26/09/2021 12:50

If you were a single parent you’d get EOW off and a day or so in the week…

If only Hmm

Mymapuddlington · 26/09/2021 12:50

Tell him it’s a good job your not a single mum then and have him to support you. So can he put his big boy pants on and help out.

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