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Original poster

“If you were a single parent you’d have to manage”

106 replies

Popsiclewopsicle · 26/09/2021 12:26

I don’t know if I’m being really unreasonable but I’m trying to convey to dh how much that statement upsets me.

I’m loaded with cold (multiple tests later it’s defo a cold) and dh went to golf yesterday like he does every Saturday. Left at 9.30, back at 4.30. They’d played a round and then went for some drinks after like the normally do. He’d messaged a few times about this and that and I’d mentioned how utterly crap I was feeling and on deaths door (yessss I know it’s “just” a cold but it’s really knocked me on my bum) and I just felt like, ffs could you not just have come home after your finished instead of going to the pub for a couple of hours.

I spend all day everyday “looking” after dds and dh, I just want some consideration and care and “looking after” back. So we’ve had a row and he’s come out with that, and now I just feel, is that really how low the bar should be.

Should add dds are primary age but old enough to keep themselves entertained

OP posts:
EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 26/09/2021 14:42

Lets see how you'll manage as a single parent shall we?

Then walk out for 24 hours

Chatterboxy · 26/09/2021 14:49

What a selfish knob!
I’d wait this one out, until he’s got man flu, then take myself out for the day!

Peace43 · 26/09/2021 15:07

If you were a single parent you wouldn’t have to cook for, launder for, wash up after and pick up after another adult. You also get solo control of the remote and to sleep diagonally in the bed. It’s bloody brilliant to be honest Wine

CaptSkippy · 26/09/2021 15:15

@Peace43

If you were a single parent you wouldn’t have to cook for, launder for, wash up after and pick up after another adult. You also get solo control of the remote and to sleep diagonally in the bed. It’s bloody brilliant to be honest Wine
I second this. Being a single parent would be easier if the alternative is a husband who is dead weight to all your lives.
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 26/09/2021 15:21

I'd have answered if you were a single parent there would be a 50pc chance he was having his visitation weekend and youd be relaxing. And at the worst, you'd have 6 days before you had a nice break, and he would only be playing golf every other weekend. So from a 'doing your share of weekend care' youd actually be better off.

If that's his attitude, that parenting is 100% your responsibility in every circumstance, ven at the weekend because he works mon - fri, and you're never allowed time in the weekend off, I'd be pointing out that you want to go back to work and have equal time off if that's what working outside the house entitles you to. And then you can share childcare in the week. Which means you take turns at having each saturday off.

BiLuminous · 26/09/2021 15:21

@Peace43

If you were a single parent you wouldn’t have to cook for, launder for, wash up after and pick up after another adult. You also get solo control of the remote and to sleep diagonally in the bed. It’s bloody brilliant to be honest Wine
It is. I am so much more chilled now I'm single. No man child's hairs to wash out of the bathroom sink or endless half jobs to pick up around the house.
SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 26/09/2021 15:24

What a shitty attitude I would be furious!

Outbutnotoutout · 26/09/2021 15:25

So next week you go out all day Sunday

EveningOverRooftops · 26/09/2021 15:27

If you were a single parent you’d take 3x as long to recover. If you were a single parent you wouldn’t have to baby his fucking arse when he suddenly develops man flu and demands you look after him.

My god what a toss pot he is.

GaryLurcher19 · 26/09/2021 15:46

As a mum who divorced when my DSs were small, you are not being unreasonable! Of course you'd have to cope alone if you were alone, but it's bloody hard and - most pertinently - you aren't alone.

One has to ask; what is the point of a partner if they expect you to fly solo anyway?

I'd ask your DH what he thinks he's for?

Member984815 · 26/09/2021 16:02

Tell him pack his bags if that's his belief

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 26/09/2021 16:24

The comment was uncalled for.

Did you ask him to not go?

If you don’t work and the children are primary age then that’s a lot of free time vs his few hours one day at the weekend.

ForeverSinging · 26/09/2021 16:31

If that's the attitude then it needs to run both ways. Not good.

TheChip · 26/09/2021 16:32

I'd lose all respect from him from that point on if it were me he had said it to. What an absolute dick.

Ashitaka · 26/09/2021 16:33

“If you were a single parent you’d have to manage”

Right, lets give that a go you selfish shit

SlidDownTheElephantsTrunk · 26/09/2021 16:36

I would totally go out every Saturday morning and tell him to suck it up like a single parent would.

He is an arse. I'd actually leave him - not only over this comment but because he thinks it's okay to fuck off every Saturday.

Leave him - you will have every other weekend free.

romany4 · 26/09/2021 16:52

*Honestly I'd not do anything for him again.

Cooking tea? Leave his. "If you were single you'd have to do it yourself".
Washing clothes? Same.

Etc etc.
Also, next Saturday go out before his golf starts and leave the kids there "sorry darling if you were a single parent you'd have to manage, bye*

I thought exactly the same!
And I'd do everything you said

Kisskiss · 26/09/2021 17:30

What he said is technically right. BUT you’re not a single parent 🙄 what an asswipe

inkhopper · 26/09/2021 17:32

LTB!!!

ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 26/09/2021 17:40

OP, I've had a cold this week too and it's been bloody awful! I was lucky enough to be able to take to my bed for a day, if my OH had said what yours did he'd have got very short shrift.
I'd leave him at home with the kids next weekend.. go get your nails done or whatever. If he complains, just remind him that if he was a single parent he'd just have to manage!

Cantgetausername87 · 26/09/2021 17:43

This post nearly made me cry!i had the exact same line thrown at me yesterday in a similar situation. So glad I'm not alone

DameFanny · 26/09/2021 18:01

Next Saturday get up and leave at 9am. Send one text when you've left the house to make sure he knows you're not looking after the kids. Better yet, take his car. Have a lovely day, return around 6. Tell him you'll be doing that every fortnight so he'll have to arrange childcare if he still wants to play golf every week. Remind him if you were a single parent he'd be doing mid-weeks as well.

UndertheCedartree · 26/09/2021 18:20

Your DH is very unreasonable saying that to you! What is the point of being in a relationship if you have to act as if you're a single parent?!

However, we don't all get EOW off or days off in the week, unfortunately!

Hugoslavia · 27/09/2021 04:16

I'd be pointing out that if you were a single mum, then he would be a single Dad and would also have to cope with the children if he was unwell when it was his turn to have them. And point out that, as a single Dad he wouldn't be able to go off and play golf.

Eve81 · 27/09/2021 04:29

But you’re not a single parent...