What stupid things do you do that no one else knows about?

[FancySomeChips]

I used to be a party animal. LOVED clubbing every weekend (multiple times a week as a student), would dance for hours and laugh and laugh and laugh.

Tonight I am sitting in my cuddle chair putting chewits down my bra to warm them up before I eat them.
I’m home alone.

How life has changed.

Make me feel better, what weird stuff do you do that no one else knows about?!

Agree with CockSpadget about the rat and U bend. Got Thames Water out to put non-return cage on drain.

I like corned beef out the packet for a mid morning snack. And I always have to have a cold sausage out the beans and sausage tin on opening. It’s a tradition. Oh and sometimes when on the loo I pretend to do adverts for TV with whatever is at hand, eg bleach or toilet roll in a sort of colour bang style. I sell them well with all their merits!

• Cillit bang

The impressions reminds me... I do a very good young Queen, using her teenage Christmas broadcast thing. "My sister Margaret Rose and I.... goodnight children - everywhere." I found out by accident in the office once, when all my colleagues were doing the Queen, and I joined in and apparently was very good. I often end up being a cross between teenage Elizabeth and Celia Johnson in Brief Encounter, narrating my day... "I'm terribly heppy to join you todeh in the kitchen to mek toast". It keeps me entertained.

I only do this sporadically now- but that's because I don't use this road often.

On my old commute to work- just before i got on the motorway (I started this as a new driver scared of the motorway FYI) I would stroke the door handle of my car and say "good girl Poppy (or name of subsequent cars- all my cars have been named) good girl well done"

This was ahead of getting on the motorway in the hope she would happily sail down to the junction I needed with no worries at all.

I only broke down once in those commutes and I'm sure I didn't say it that day.

So 20 years on whenever I take that road towards the motorway I praise whichever car I'm driving. If I have passengers I touch the door handle and say it in my head.

I also have to sit up all soft toys, I also rescued the poor old Ted that was tied to the front of my neighbours van, I removed it when I saw then parked in Tesco as I was too worried they had a ring doorbell to do it when they were at home. He is washed and now sits on a shelf with his friend's.

It was probably tied there on purpose. It's a thing!

@ShinyMe

I'm mid dinner (on my own) and my back is itching, so I just scratched my back with my fork. I did lick it clean first.

I have a spaghetti utensil thing on my desk where I wfh upstairs purely for that purpose. I have another one for spaghetti in the kitchen. Damn back always itches in the same place.

Neron

If there's 2 items left on a shelf, that I only need to purchase 1 of - I have to take them both. Can't leave 1, it will get lonely...

Yes, absolutely do this too 😑

Too.many to mention!

@SophieHMS

There are four huge conker trees that I made friends with during lockdown 1 walks. I still pat them every time I pass them now. at least I've stopped hugging them

I have made a friend with a conker tree too! I am literally too mortified to tell this to anyone as people will think I have finally lost it. Thank you for making me feel not so alone in my madness :)

I soften sweets that way too!

Oh, I remembered one - slightly gross.
When I have periods and have a shower - I watch my blood being washed away and imagine I am James Bond, washing off the blood of my enemies.

Every time I close my curtains I stick two fingers up to the stuck up bitch next door (behind closed curtains 🤣🤣🤣) and chunter away to myself and call her all kinds of names. She's not done anything in particular, I just see through her. Smarmy bitch. Makes me feel better 😅.

I play hide and seek with my dog. She rushes around the house looking for me. Sometimes I’ll walk out of a cupboard when she’s not there as if it’s entirely normal and pretend I don’t know she’s been looking for me.

I sometimes straighten up my daughter’s dolls in their cot, in case they’re uncomfortable…. Have seen Toy Story too many times!

@LadyMonicaBaddingham

I sing to my cat. About my cat. At the last count, there are 7 different adapted songs and 4 originals. I may need help...

I do the same... but to my 1 month old DD 😁

I do a running commentary about my dogs. Often sing a tune when they're thundering off or jumping in the lake ,

I sang that and my dog was looking at me with her head tilted as if to say “what on earth are you singing” - your song is stuck in my head now!!

Not only do I talk to my dog but I even give her her own voice to reply… and I do the same for my 5mo LB I talk to them everywhere too so not even in the privacy of my own home haha

I also have a repertoire of songs about my cat which I sing to him and sometimes I dance for him too.
The farmer in "Babe" does it for the little pig, so why not?
However the cat has never looked remotely impressed.

I like to eat milk chocolate and ready salted crisps together , other than that my guilty pleasures are pretty boring

I name my spatulas and then talk to them as I cook..

On the subject of talking to animals, I talk to everything!

Random bugs: "hello Mr beetle, your very colourful, be sure not to stay on the pavement because you might get squished"

My dog: "don't shout at me (he barks in the sound of" want out " and if I don't hurry up he'll bark so it sounds like" now") shouting will get you nowhere in life. (he'll then usually do a sneezy kind of bark as a huffy noise or talk back in a kind of "rowwwroww" noise.)

Trees: "its very windy today Mrs tree isn't it? I hope your leaves don't get cold"

Last week I was walking past a huge beautiful crow and said "hello Mr crow, how are you today?" as a couple walked past me and stared at me as if to say "you need to increase your medication, luv". 😁

@pigsDOfly

I have silly conversations with my dog.

Obviously, she can't actually answer me so I speak for both of us.

Sometimes I catch myself doing it when we're out on a walk; thankfully, no one's ever been near enough to overhear me - I live in a relatively quiet place - but it can only be a matter of time before I turn round and there's someone behind me.

Glad it’s not just me that does this. He has his own voice that I do as well.

When I was a kid, my big brother would terrify me with stories about evil fairies getting in my ears. This traumatised me so much that I can never sleep if my ears are uncovered! I’m the wrong side of 60…