What stupid things do you do that no one else knows about?

[FancySomeChips]

I used to be a party animal. LOVED clubbing every weekend (multiple times a week as a student), would dance for hours and laugh and laugh and laugh.

Tonight I am sitting in my cuddle chair putting chewits down my bra to warm them up before I eat them.
I’m home alone.

How life has changed.

Make me feel better, what weird stuff do you do that no one else knows about?!

This thread has cracked me up... 😂😂😂
I wave through the Bio orb to my goldfish when it's time to feed them. 🤷‍♀️

@Bullsh

My current favourite is to the tune of 'you are my sunshine' to my boy Fergus. " You are my Fergface, my furry Fergface. You make me happy, la la la la. Your furry tum tum, your furry bum bum, please don't take my Fergface away...

That is brilliant!!

We did have a song to the tune of D.I.S.C.O. "She is D, darling doggy, O (ignore the obvious error) Awfully lovely, Double G, gorgeous girlie, she is Y, (again, ignore the error) why you bite me? Oh oh oh (you really have to have the song in your head at the time). Our lovely pup did enjoy songs being created in her honour. She also had a German accent (schnauzer) and would critique our musical offerings.

I have conversations with my cats - I thought everyone talked to their pets! I always repeat 'Good morning Mr Magpie, how's your wife and family?' 3 times when I see a single magpie!
I also pretend I'm in a cookery show when I cook and pretend I'm a scientist when I do my LFTs. Oh and I pretend I'm doing a hair tutorial when I do my roots. Jesus Christ

I'm 29 and I salute lone magpies, never put new shoes on the bed and chat away to my dogs like they're people.

Hahaha I love that other people have voices for how their dogs would sound 😂 feel a little bit less like a loon now!!

Oh Derry mum so pleased to meet you. I believe in fairies and they live in my garden too with the lovely little statues I have of them. (No dwarfs - they are at war with them.) It's been a long war. Hey by the way I'm in my 80s and have been like this all my life.

LadyMonicaBaddingham And I thought it was just me who adapted songs for my cat!

Pigs do Fly. I have conversations with my cat; but most especially we end up having long arguments, like in the evening when she wants to go out again when I've locked the cat flap. It's great fun, and they answer back don't they?

I love ox tongue straight from the packet. No one at home has twigged why there's never any in the fridge after shopping day.

It's better than my disgusting childhood habit of eating raw sausages!

The only thing I'll add is that it does make it harder once they have left this world. My darling doggy left us 2 years ago. We have since rescued another gorgeous dog but I can't bring myself to have songs about her (yet).

@Neron

If there's 2 items left on a shelf, that I only need to purchase 1 of - I have to take them both. Can't leave 1, it will get lonely...

But what if a little old lady comes along just after you and needs them very thing you’ve just taken 2 of?!! I can just see her little face- she’s gutted….

I pretend to do make up tutorials when im putting my make up on in the mornings lol

Fray Bentos have just brought out a all day breakfast pie and brought back the chicken curry pie, i have already ordered mine

@OuiOuiBonjour

When alone, I practise accents and impressions, often including physical characteristics (i.e a walk, a dance move, a tic) which I rehearse until I get perfect. Sometimes these are famous people, or "characters" I know in real life. Other times these are hybrids of funny people I've observed on a holiday or at the supermarket and created a character out of like "Angry Mexican Lady at an Outlet Mall", "Drunk Elderly New Yorker On A Cruise", "Pervy Checkout Dad at Aldi".

I have no idea why I do this. Occasionally I'll break an impression or accent out with friends and they will be like "WTF?! That is absolutely uncanny! It was like you were possessed by Kourtney Kardashian?!?!" And I'm just all non chalant, "Yeah...I just easily pick up on weird quirks and accents and stuff. I think I have a good ear or something." They've started going "oh! oh! Do the Grumpy Geordie Park Ranger one again!!!" "Show Katie your impression of when your Mum took too much Xanax in Atlanta! It's hilarious."

I have no other outlet for this "hobby". I don't know why I do it. It's really really weird. And random.

I also have a "hoochy" playlist which is reserved for my regular "dance like a Ho" sessions in the shower. It's a walk in shower/wet room so I won't get injured.

I'm generally quite shy and people can think I'm aloof or reserved.

But when I'm home alone, it's like I'm some sort of variety performer. Totally unhinged. And very serious about it.

I genuinely think I'd be committed if anyone witnessed it.

@OuiOuiBonjour I'd love to be able to do impressions. It sounds like you have a real gift and should find an outlet for it. Have you considered a YouTube channel or TikTok?

My DD has a teddy that records your voice and plays it back higher. I talk into it, record the bear on my 0hone and play it and record it again and again until it is so high pitched it sounds like a squeal.

@Hopeisnotastrategy

When I place books on a bookshelf, I always consider whether the authors pressed up against each other will get on.

Ever since I was two or three years old I've always worried about a rat coming up round the U bend when I was sat on the loo. I was seriously freaked out when I discovered pretty recently this really is a thing.😱

Love that!

I play Pokémon Go. 50 years old I will be in a couple of months. Nobody knows.

@ShinyMe, lucky Fergus. Mine just gets Sweet kitty and God Save the Cat

Ummmmm....I'm a bit more concerned about the implication on this thread that there may be people who do not have in depth chats (both sides of the conversation) with their pets.

We all chat to the dog in this house and I am mortally offended if he sleeps through our conversations.

I'd love to be able to do impressions. It sounds like you have a real gift and should find an outlet for it. Have you considered a YouTube channel or TikTok?

Thanks! It just takes a willingness to be a bit silly and keep practising until it's right.

That's a great suggestion but I'm way too thin skinned and private to out myself out there online .

@Kintsugi16

I’m 58 I frequently gate crash parties. Everyone just assumes I know someone else 😂

How do you know where the parties are?

My dog is an old ex-street dog. He is of no particular breed and has many scars etc. So very definitely not a posh dog.

Yet I speak to him as though he is the lord of the Manor and I am the butler. When I do this I refer to him using a made up version of what I imagine might be a kennel club type name- eg Mr Roverton the 3rd of the Cheshire Rovertons. His replies are always very sarcastic. He also bosses DH around (oddly, usually instructing him to bring things for me) only I have to interpret for them. He is also very scathing about the neighbours and our extended family.

[quote MrsLCSofLichfield]@SapphireSeptember - I'm glad it's not just me! I tend to use 'beautiful' for crows and 'gorgeous' for magpies

My MIL used to say "Good morning/afternoon/evening Mr Magpie, how is your wife today?" DH says it's a superstitious thing, warding off bad luck. I got the whole greeting corvids thing from her and have now been doing it for a quarter of a century![/quote]
It is! I do it too 😂 ‘Hey Mister Magpie, how’s your friend?’ it comes from the whole one for sorrow, two for joy thing.

Always wiping the kettle all over with a Jcloth after using or filling it. Don't do it with anything else.

I love these.
Whenever I am in London and in a busy place, I walk through like I am the main character in Spooks/James Bond... in my head...as if in a scene.
Someone else mentioned mentally making a plan if there was a terrorist attack. I should have a job in MI6 really.