Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To confirm the date with him?

89 replies

Lizzie523 · 25/09/2021 12:57

Met a guy online after many messages/filtering and declining a few requests to meet from others. His messages have been very thoughtful and although I initially went quiet he persevered with getting to know me at a comfortable pace.

He asked me out and I accepted. He asked what time is best for me and I said Sunday (but ended up making it look like I meant Monday). When I clarified he replied saying he'd happily meet on either of those days and that he knew a few nice places we could go.

I then gave him my number, asking him to firm up plans by phone or whatsapp and he said he would add me there. It's Sat now and I've heard nothing since Thurs night.

I still have a good initial feeling about him and still want to see him, but I thought he might have been in touch by now. Plus I want to make other plans if it isn't happening. AIBU to contact him firming up a time and place?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lizzie523 · 25/09/2021 12:58

This is my first date since before the pandemic as well. It's like I've forgotten how to date Grin

OP posts:
UltimateBugKilla · 25/09/2021 13:07

Id send a quick message asking for a time and place

rawhidebone · 25/09/2021 13:07

From experience, making any sort of reasonable presumption about people on online dating sites and what they say is useless because they are almost all nonsensical.

Pissoi · 25/09/2021 13:11

I would, I'd probably send a breezy message saying you were just checking the details as you don't want to overlap with other plans 🤷‍♀️

RickJames · 25/09/2021 13:14

Well, if you aren't sure about the date, time or place then I'd think you have to!

If it scares him off or offends him then he's bananas anyway and you've had a lucky escape.

Arranging a date with another adult who is on a dating site and says they want to meet should not require special strategies or sleight of hand. It's not like fly fishing or hunting deer!

Suprima · 25/09/2021 13:20

Of course you shouldn’t

People will advise you otherwise- but he isn’t interested

This is a game to see how keen you are to go out with him. Pick up artists literally advise men to do this

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 25/09/2021 13:27

Well, I would like to see him for a date. I don't want to pretend otherwise! I have played it fairly cool and he has been keen until now.

But he was the last one to contact me and i wasnt clear on when I wanted to meet, so it probably wouldn't be the worst thing to get in touch.

I know you're right @RickJames !

OP posts:
Original poster
Lizzie523 · 25/09/2021 13:28

@UltimateBugKilla

Id send a quick message asking for a time and place
This is what I'll do, a bit begrudgingly.

I maybe see if as an amber flag. But we haven't met and app chatting isn't great for clear communication, so I'd still like to meet him in person.

OP posts:
Dinoroaraus · 25/09/2021 13:31

Just ask him but don't be OTT about it. Just so did we decide if it was Sunday in the end?

Highflyingadored · 25/09/2021 13:33

I would say something like

Hi, just making plans for my weekend, shall we still meet tomorrow? Any thoughts on place, I can do x time or x time if that works for you.

You dont want to be overly available but at the same time so standoffish that he cant be arsed.

RickJames · 25/09/2021 13:35

You could say that you've had a thought, what about Bob's Wine bar on Church Street at 6.30pm on Sunday (example).

Then you aren't begging, you're offering. If he flakes out or doesn't answer then you know he's not serious. He might counter offer with Sally's Wine bar at 7pm on Tuesday, but then at least its lined up and you know he's interested.

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 25/09/2021 13:36

Ok I've 'breezily' suggested a time and general area, asking him to firm up a place as he was going to choose. I said I would be in that area at 'X' time which is true.

This dating lark is a killer Grin

OP posts:
Iamthewombat · 25/09/2021 13:37

Hang on, he’s said Sunday or Monday and told you that he’d confirm either way, then he’s been silent since Thursday?

Not good. It’s up to him to firm up the plan, not you. I’m with @Suprima

Dinoroaraus · 25/09/2021 13:38

@Lizzie523

Ok I've 'breezily' suggested a time and general area, asking him to firm up a place as he was going to choose. I said I would be in that area at 'X' time which is true.

This dating lark is a killer Grin

Sounds good to be but I wouldn't bother doing any more of the organising now
Original poster
Lizzie523 · 25/09/2021 13:39

@Iamthewombat I agree that it is possibly an amber flag. But he did seem very keen when we spoke Thursday, I don't see what can have changed.

If he's going to flake, I want to know sooner rather than later. If I hear nothing by tonight, I can move on and make other plans.

OP posts:
Iamthewombat · 25/09/2021 13:44

[quote Lizzie523]@Iamthewombat I agree that it is possibly an amber flag. But he did seem very keen when we spoke Thursday, I don't see what can have changed.

If he's going to flake, I want to know sooner rather than later. If I hear nothing by tonight, I can move on and make other plans.[/quote]
I’d make other plans anyway. Then if he does deign to contact you after two days of silence to say, “what about 7 pm on Sunday?” you can kindly inform him that you couldn’t put your social life on hold but could potentially meet him next weekend if he’d like to suggest something.

Face it, if he was keen to secure a date with you he’d be making sure that it was in the calendar ASAP. You are too good for this nonsense surely?

Iamthewombat · 25/09/2021 13:45

Did he actually add you on WhatsApp? You told us in your OP that he said he would, in order to arrange the date?

Crunchysnap · 25/09/2021 13:52

I don’t think you can read too much into what anyone says on online dating. It could be that he isn’t interested. It could be that he has had a busy week. It could be that he just firms up plans last minute and that’s just how it as. Some people are just not that in to sending loads of messages and think it’s pointless once you actually have made plans to meet someone as they prefer to get to know people in person. You have sent your message which is the best thing you could have done. He will reply saying if he is still interested/not interested or just not reply if he’s not interested. At least you will know.

namechange30455 · 25/09/2021 13:59

I assume you've double checked you gave him the right number?

Iamthewombat · 25/09/2021 14:03

How many pages before the OP is urged to send him a beribboned book, I wonder?

Tiramiwho · 25/09/2021 14:28

I definitely think that the ball is in his court now and he needs to pull his finger out. I'm an awkward bugger, but my stopwatch would be on and I would be 'unavailable on both dates' if he leaves it too much longer. You have people to meet and places to go😈
"There's always next week though. Shall we firm it up now?" 😇

Original poster
Lizzie523 · 25/09/2021 14:34

As far as im concerned @Tiramiwho he needs to contact me today. I won't be putting up with last minute invites.

OP posts:
Poetrypatty · 25/09/2021 14:40

It's Sat now and I've heard nothing since Thurs night.

That's not really very long and you're going out tomorrow or Monday anyway. Just leave it and get on with something else OP, you'll probably hear from him later. If not, then just plan something else nice to do tomorrow.

Saoirse82 · 25/09/2021 14:41

@Iamthewombat

Hang on, he’s said Sunday or Monday and told you that he’d confirm either way, then he’s been silent since Thursday?

Not good. It’s up to him to firm up the plan, not you. I’m with @Suprima

I agree with this too.
Original poster
Lizzie523 · 25/09/2021 18:43

well it's evening time and still nothing. So I assume I'm being ghosted at this point.

Disappointing as he is the first date is accepted and was genuinely intrigued by. I realise people change their minds but he was so keen on Thursday - what changed?

2 new guys chatting to me now. I'll persevere for now. Not sure I'm cut out for this if I'm going to be ghosted every time !

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread