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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH left me to clear up the sh*t

115 replies

Aw273 · 25/09/2021 09:39

I am raging!! My ‘d’ H had to leave early this morning for a job, needs a bit of time to set up so left we’ll in advance. I come down later with the baby to find that the dog has left diarrhoea all over the kitchen, and DH has left without cleaning it up. I had agreed to help him with something for one of his clients tomorrow but now I don’t feel like I want to do it.
He says he didn’t have time and couldn’t find the poop scooper (he refuses to pick up pop with his hands anyway so I have to do it when we go out for walks without the scoop). I don’t buy this as he left plenty of time, could have called me down to help or at least warned me!!!

So AIBU - yes, you should still help him as promised
No- he doesn’t deserve it.

Happy to receive suggestions for other suitable punishments!

OP posts:
ManifestingJoy · 25/09/2021 15:51

@LimitIsUp

I am going to advise my 19 year old dd NEVER to get married to (or indeed live with) a man.
My mother got really angry when I said a version of this to my 18 year old old, especially as I'm a single parent (who left a selfish, lazy controlling financially and emotionally abusive man).

I get that I may not have a clear picture of a GOOD marriage to draw on but all I said to my daughter that she shouldn't feel she had to get married or have children.

Weirdly my mother nearly leapt out of her chair to give me a dressing down. Her own marriage is ridiculous. Her h (my father) just blows smoke up her ass, enables her denials and never challenges her rosy perception of herself ever. So she has not grown, not evolved, not had any insight in 52 years because he's done that since the day they met.

I'm still living and learning and it's painful at times but I think it's better than a marriage that restricts you or your growth in any way.

RickJames · 25/09/2021 15:54

I can see why he would panic if he was running late for work and thank goodness he put the dog out to stop him paddling about in it or eating it but why on earth didn't he tell you as soon as it happened?? He could have asked you nicely if you could deal with it. So immature and selfish.

I would be furious I was left to discover it.

Plus 'fresh poop' is so much easier to deal with, before its sunk into the planks or the tile grout or the carpet. Very poor reaction on his part. Sulk as much as you like! YANBU.

VexedofVirginiaWater · 25/09/2021 15:55

This is so disrespectful - don't let him just get away with it.

I once trod in cat poo in the bathroom one morning. Ex had got up earlier and just left it (it was his mother's cat we were looking after to add insult to injury). He claimed not to have noticed it Hmm but had opened the window "because of the bad smell". You had to step over the poo to reach the window - no way he hadn't realised, he just left it to me.

Just one of the many reasons he is an ex. Minger.

cookingisoverrated · 25/09/2021 15:59

He's a dick; above all that is he?

Tell him you'd done his clean up job for him, so he can crack on alone with his other stuff.

GatoradeMeBitch · 25/09/2021 16:02

Fucking hell, that kind on infantilising language is appalling

In this case, it's appropriate.

What kind of grown adult leaves dog shit on their floor for another person to deal with? Not even mentioning it, not thinking that perhaps the baby might be put down on the floor and crawl through it.

If people want to be treated like adults, the first step is to act like adults. What the OP described there is lazy avoidant teenage behaviour.

saraclara · 25/09/2021 16:03

Of course we don't know at what point he saw it, and how much time it would have taken to clean it up. If it was at the last minute or he was running late, at least he should have shouted up to you or texted you to warn you and apologise for not being able to do it.

Bounce55 · 25/09/2021 16:04

Please don't feed the dog scraps
Pretty shitty (scuse the pun) of your H to leave it for you to clear up and not even let you know
Bollocks to doing stuff for him from now on
What an Arsewipe

LukeEvansWife · 25/09/2021 16:04

Would you normally put your baby on the floor to crawl, having seen a pile of shit?

ScumbagDave · 25/09/2021 16:06

He is a total twat! Don't help him at all.

On a side note, this thread has completely put me off the idea of getting a housepet.

PhoboPhobia · 25/09/2021 16:18

@VladmirsPoutine

Yanbu but this is part and parcel of having a dog. These things can and do happen and to be fair if I had had a job and thus to prepare quite early, I too wouldn't have wanted to spend the morning clearing up dog shit.
But you can’t just leave the house and ignore it. Yes it’s a pain if you’re getting ready for work but tough. I would rather it was cleaned before I came down with a baby but at least some warning would have been nice.
MrsLCSofLichfield · 25/09/2021 16:21

When I saw this thread title, I thought it'd be metaphorical shit. Jesus H. Christ, who does that? What a bell-end.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/09/2021 16:23

Sorry. He feeds the dog scraps which make it shit then you clean up. Even when he sees the shit first.

LTB.

tickledtiger · 25/09/2021 16:27

@LukeEvansWife you don’t always notice these things immediately though. Some people don’t put their glasses on first thing in the morning or the floor pattern camouflages a mess etc

I clean up the mess in my house so generally my DH lets me know if there’s something then I can get to it. The communication is just polite and shows mutual respect. You shouldn’t treat each other like staff you should be a team.

tickledtiger · 25/09/2021 16:28

I wouldn’t help him with whatever it is tomorrow either

Suzi888 · 25/09/2021 16:29

Who wanted the dog?
YANBU DH needs to be punished Angry

Laiste · 25/09/2021 16:30

Who ever discovers it should clean it up imo.

DH always cleans up if he discovers first even though technically the cats are mine. Mind you, if i've not found it first it would usually be because i was busy elsewhere cleaning up after him or the DCs! Hmm :)

thedarkling · 25/09/2021 16:36

@LimitIsUp

I am going to advise my 19 year old dd NEVER to get married to (or indeed live with) a man.
100%. I think the girls growing up now will be a lot of very happy productive single women. If I spilt with my partner I would be quite happy to never live with a man again.

However - I have rushed out of the door to work without cleaning up cat puke before. In my defence I leave the house at 6:15 and I go down at the very last minute before I leave! So while I could have scooped it up quickly I couldn't have done the whole carpet cleaning routine.

Original poster
Aw273 · 25/09/2021 16:39

Thanks for letting me vent everyone, your responses have made me feel better! The help tomorrow was just to make him less stressed over a timing issue, so not crucial and just the ticket for helping him realise I need to be respected and appreciated too!
For those worried about the man of the house not getting out to work, we both work full time during the week, and he picks up odd jobs at the weekend to fund his very expensive hobby, so he was not rushing off to earn family money!
Oh and the “punishment” comment was definitely tongue in cheek…but as pp said, if you’re going to act like a lazy teenager be prepared to be treated like one!

OP posts:
MorriseysGladioli · 25/09/2021 16:42

I never factor in time to clear up pools of crap before I leave for work in the morning, so he maybe really didn't have time?

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 25/09/2021 17:10

That would piss me off but if he was going to be late I get it. He could've warned you though.

shouldistop · 25/09/2021 17:11

@MorriseysGladioli does that mean he couldn't have at least warned op?

PurpleOkapi · 25/09/2021 17:11

If he has to leave at a certain time for work, then he has to leave at that time whether there's dog shit on the floor or not. If you were awake, he should have told you. If you weren't, waking you up just to say "FYI, there's dog shit on the floor" doesn't seem like it would have helped anything here.

icedcoffees · 25/09/2021 17:13

@PurpleOkapi

If he has to leave at a certain time for work, then he has to leave at that time whether there's dog shit on the floor or not. If you were awake, he should have told you. If you weren't, waking you up just to say "FYI, there's dog shit on the floor" doesn't seem like it would have helped anything here.
I'm sure the world won't fall apart if he's a few minutes late.
icedcoffees · 25/09/2021 17:15

@MorriseysGladioli

I never factor in time to clear up pools of crap before I leave for work in the morning, so he maybe really didn't have time?
Neither do most people, but being a few minutes late for work as a one-off really isn't the end of the world.
Redburnett · 25/09/2021 17:16

I do not understand how anyone with a young baby could bear to keep a dog that 'has accidents'. Yuk.