To quit my job tomorrow

[ihatemyjobiwanttoquit]

I’ve been in the job just under six months (still in probation period), it’s a senior technical role in the public sector. I can’t get a straight answer out of anyone. I work alongside another senior engineer who hates our manager (actually she seems to hate everyone, including me).

I got bollocked last Friday night by my manager (at 9pm) for doing something the way the other senior engineer insisted it should be done (I’d called them both into a meeting earlier that day to check it was ok because I felt uncomfortable dumping work on other teams, they said it was the correct process and to go ahead).

Whatever I do is wrong, this has been the case since day 1. The other engineer either emails me and says ‘don’t ever do this again’ or my manager emails me and says ‘the way you’ve gone about this is wrong’. I don’t do any engineering, I feel like a project manager (a very very bad, incompetent one).

I’ve never just quit before, but my mental health is suffering. I’m pretty tough, I’ve 25 years experience in my job and a good reputation. They pulled a switcheroo on me at final offer stage (after 7 interviews, I should have seen the giant red flag!) and said this role was more suited to my skillset, they’d head hunted me for another role.

I’m stuck in the middle, losing confidence daily and questioning myself. I feel sick at the thought of another day spent dealing with this bullshit, I just can’t take another kicking in someone else’s war.

AIBU to tell them I quit, I can’t even face working my notice period right now.

Oh OP, I remember dreading Mondays so much that I couldn’t even enjoy the weekend. Very similar situation to yours. No job is worth that. When I left I felt as if I’d escaped from prison.

Please give in your notice. Whether you report these idiots to HR or not is up to you. You can just tell future employers it was a bad fit — that’s what probationary periods are for.

Have a nice relaxing weekend.

DH earns enough to cover us, we are comfortable if I work but he's happy to pick up the slack so no serious worries about money. He told me to leave after a month but I'm stubborn.

I was in the same situation, fortunate enough to have a husband who earned enough and was supportive. Quit. You're lucky that you can, take advantage of it.

OP, nothing works without you being healthy (mentally or physically). No job is worth your health. Something better is out there for you.

Leave leave leave. I stayed in a job where I was incredibly competent - the culture and my boss was horrible. Small company - toxic environment. I stayed too long and became a shell of myself. They absolutely haemorrhaged staff post first lockdown I found out I was one of 6 that handed in my notice the week I did out of a company of 60 that’s significant. My boss didn’t say good luck he said ‘no one will do for you what I’ve done for you’ like he was my husband or something - I was like bloody hell what a total tool you’ve just had 6 people hand in their notice and you don’t know what’s wrong with you this place.

I am so much happier I set up my own company and I do what I’ve done for the last 15 years but for myself.

It sounds like you're being bullied. Why are people telling OP to run away? She should be reporting them...she should get bloody compensation or they should face penalties.

She should be reporting them

Again with the “reporting”

To whom? Not everywhere has an HR department, up line bosses or a chain of command. Even if there were, what do you think would happen? Their word against hers. There are rarely ever any consequences for this type of thing and the only outcome is that OP will get a reputation for trouble and her already damaged self esteem will plummet further. She is far better off protecting her mental health and walking away.

This exact same thing happened to me. Stuck in a job that tire bed out to be very unlike the one I was offered-awful a manager-scapegoated for everything that went wrong-confidence sapping and anxiety increasing by the day. I quit before my 6 months came up as to have waited would have meant a 3 month notice period.
I was honest about what had happened in subsequent job interviews. I've now been offered a role elsewhere. I was very anxious about quitting with nothing to go to, but the minute I did I felt 100% better than I had having to go in to that job every day. No job is worth your mental
Health.

I realised it was time to leave when, having spent 9 days in hospital having surgery, I realised that that was the happiest and most relaxed I had felt in the entire year I had been in that job and that I hadn't slept so well for a long time.

I did return after my sick leave as I really couldn't have afforded to be without a job however I found a new job within a couple of months - the day I handed in my notice remains (8 years later) one of my happiest memories.

@BoredZelda

She should be reporting them

Again with the “reporting”

To whom? Not everywhere has an HR department, up line bosses or a chain of command. Even if there were, what do you think would happen? Their word against hers. There are rarely ever any consequences for this type of thing and the only outcome is that OP will get a reputation for trouble and her already damaged self esteem will plummet further. She is far better off protecting her mental health and walking away.

Indeed. It’s not what HR is for in the 21st century. We aren’t the HR police.

A colleague handed in her notice at the same time as me. The workplace had, at one time, conducted 'exit' interviews however they had dispensed with these as so many people were leaving. Instead, HR sent an 'exit' form to be completed. One of the questions was something like "would you recommend [workplace], as an employer, to a friend?". My colleague replied "I wouldn't recommend it to a dog". That about summed it up. Pure hell.

@ihatemyjobiwanttoquit I was where you are now about 8 years ago. I was professional with decades of experience but was being reduced to tears on a near daily basis by a culture of bullying and blame shifting.

Eventually after I had been dragged in for yet another kicking from my line manager I said to her that I couldnt start earlier, finish later or work harder than I was already doing. I told her that if what I did was never going to be good enough then with accrued holiday I could leave at the end of the week.

This utterly shocked her. She didnt realise how bad her behaviour to me was. A few months later she actually apologised to me.

Eventually she was the one who walked out in a flurry of grievances (none from, to or about me).

Try and get a meeting sorted with the two of them and explain that you don't feel you are being supported in the role due to their lack of clarity on how things should be done and that this process always ends up that you are placed in the awkward position of not doing the task as one of them would like.
You have to point out this situation and also make your managers line managers aware.
Sure hand in your notice but at least let them know why you're not a happy employee and why you are leaving.
Don't get disheartened in your own expertise or competence you obviously have alot of experience and their mismanagement is the cause of this saga not your ability.

I worked in a toxic environment once, it almost broke me. I used to fantasise about having a car accident on the way to work so I wouldn't have to go in.

I quit without another job to go to but quickly found temp work. Life is too short to work somewhere like that.

They misled you in the first place ,you owe them nothing .
You say that you are respected in your field this hiccup will not affect that, i would quit right now.
In the future when you look back you'll wonder why you worried so much about leaving , if you stay you risk so much .
Your health and confidence are paramount in this , it sounds like they are a bunch of incompetents and that's not going to change .
Tell them to shove it ! today, then enjoy your weekend of freedom with a clean page to start looking around , when you are ready .

If you can leave; leave!

I stayed in a similar, soul destroying job for far too long, thinking I shouldn't quit, and it nearly finished me off. I was drinking a bottle of wine a night because I was so stressed, I wanted to block everything out.

I got 2 months of counselling, ironically paid for my public sector organisation, handed them my resignation and I have honestly never felt such relief. Morphine after my C section didn't even come close 😂

Honestly, it's not worth it. Explain this all to your GP, get signed off, recover and find yourself a new role. The job market for experienced professionals is pretty hot right now from my personal experience.

@Tippytaps

See your GP to explain your work environment is impacting on your mental health. Ask your Gp for a sick note for work stress. Take a couple of days to bring calm back to your life then use the rest of the time to write your CV and apply for new jobs

This

Honestly if the financial side of life is covered, just go!

It's clearly not working and doesn't sound like it ever will work. If asked about it at future interviews, just say it wasn't working out the way you'd expected it to.

Good luck!

You have substantial and genuine issues here to raise with senior management, considering the history: headhunting, the long, involved recruitment process, the change initiated by them in the role, the lack of communication and management skills (firing off emails telling you like a naughty child that you are wrong or not to do it again isn't good communication or management, never mind carpeting you at 9pm for doing something you had obtained agreement to do).

Your employer has a duty of care to you and has invested a lot in recruiting you and doesn't want to lose you, therefore has an interest in knowing what has been happening - your manager and colleagues are accountable to the organisation for their treatment and management of you and this will not be easy for them. It is no trivial thing when a skilled senior person is on the brink of a nervous breakdown and about to leave. They can't wish that away, whatever weak stories they conjure up. It shines a light on them too.

You have serious and substantial reasons to request an urgent (informal, not formal grievance procedure) meeting with the next senior manager up the line. Go and speak to her or him or the secretary, if there is one, and say that it is important. Tell it succinctly to the boss as you've done here - can't do right for doing wrong from the first day; no engineering work; hateful atmosphere and unfair and poor communication and behaviour undermining your confidence; bad fit with your skills; on the verge of not being able to function and needing drastic action, including probably leaving. What can they do to rectify this situation you find yourself in as a result of their recruitment and changing the role you were headhunted for?

If no responsibility is taken or nothing useful is offered, you have tried before throwing in the towel and at the very least shed light on the shenanigans and can then decide to go ahead clear in your mind that there is nothing to be gained by staying: confirm you will be leaving at the earliest opportunity and request a waiver of notice in the circumstances.

@Abitofalark

By far the best advice on the thread.

DH has done this, twice, for very similar reasons and with my full support. If you can cope financially on one salary, then get the hell out of dodge. It's so, so damaging. DH is still dealing with some of the repercussions, years later.

Job hunting is also much easier when you don't have to hide it. And you have a great reason for leaving that won't scare other employers - JD changed at the last minute, turned out to be a poor fit.

I'm like you. I don't quit at things, I tough it out and persevere but honestly I regret not walking out of my last job. My mental health took a beating, my confidence was at rock bottom and I honestly wish I'd just said fuck you all and walked out on my first day. It was a toxic workplace and I shouldn't have put up with being treated like that allnin the name of not being a quitter.

So did you take today off, OP?

I worked today, I intended on speaking to my manager but he took an impromptu day off. I gathered the information that I’ll need for my exit interview and checked company policies. At 5pm I sent a short resignation email and then switched off my laptop and phone.

I have no intention of going in on Monday, I’ll call in sick. I will not be working my weeks notice. I hope my email puts a downer on his weekend (it’s petty I know).

What shocks me is how many people have replied to this thread and have been in a similar situation. I wish I’d had the energy to raise a grievance and get the CTO involved. I’d like to have spared the next person who works there the misery I’ve had, but for my own sanity it is best to walk away.

Thanks to everyone who responded, I read every reply and you spurred me on to put myself first.

Great update enjoy your weekend you deserve it.

Well done you. Working in the public sector nearly destroyed my self confidence. It was utter horror.
I bet you feel great 👍🏽