To quit my job tomorrow

[ihatemyjobiwanttoquit]

I’ve been in the job just under six months (still in probation period), it’s a senior technical role in the public sector. I can’t get a straight answer out of anyone. I work alongside another senior engineer who hates our manager (actually she seems to hate everyone, including me).

I got bollocked last Friday night by my manager (at 9pm) for doing something the way the other senior engineer insisted it should be done (I’d called them both into a meeting earlier that day to check it was ok because I felt uncomfortable dumping work on other teams, they said it was the correct process and to go ahead).

Whatever I do is wrong, this has been the case since day 1. The other engineer either emails me and says ‘don’t ever do this again’ or my manager emails me and says ‘the way you’ve gone about this is wrong’. I don’t do any engineering, I feel like a project manager (a very very bad, incompetent one).

I’ve never just quit before, but my mental health is suffering. I’m pretty tough, I’ve 25 years experience in my job and a good reputation. They pulled a switcheroo on me at final offer stage (after 7 interviews, I should have seen the giant red flag!) and said this role was more suited to my skillset, they’d head hunted me for another role.

I’m stuck in the middle, losing confidence daily and questioning myself. I feel sick at the thought of another day spent dealing with this bullshit, I just can’t take another kicking in someone else’s war.

AIBU to tell them I quit, I can’t even face working my notice period right now.

day off, I mean

I would not quit, I would search for another job.

Look after you, OP. They sound awful and this is definitely not about you or your performance.

Take your husband’s advice and, if needs be, speak to your GP for a two-week note that will remove you from that environment. I would also raise a grievance upon your exit as your situation isn’t tenable.

YANBU. I have worked in an environment like this. It never gets better.

If you're still in probation you'll probably only have a weeks notice. If you can't Speak to you manager then email your notice to hr and ask to be allowed to take annual leave during your notice period.

Get out. Plenty of jobs out there. You're worth more than this shit hole.

@ihatemyjobiwanttoquit you can self cert yourself for a week. So do that. Then decide next week if you need more time off. Your gp will sign you off if needed.

Please though- just go. Once you have gone you will have the space to heal and regain your confidence. You can't do that whilst you're in a toxic environment.

I struggled for 2 years in an extremely stressful job with horrible people and a nasty atmosphere and my anxiety was so bad by the end of it that I quit on the spot. Worked my notice period except for going on holiday in the middle of it (planned leave) and I found a temp job for a few weeks then my job I'm doing now. The temp job offered me a permanent job as well.

I was in a similar situation at work a decade ago. It felt out of character asking for a sick note but the doctor took one look at me and could plainly see I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I knew I could never return for the sake of my mental health, but the sick leave tided me over for as long as I needed to move on to a new opportunity.

The fact that you feel sick at the thought of it justifies a sick note and I’d expect most GP’s to see it that way. Toxic workplaces rarely change, get out and don’t look back. I ended up having surgery a year after “sticking it out” from the stress I caused myself. No job is worth your health.

You can’t be signed off by the GP until you’ve self certified for a week. Phone in sick and give yourself some thinking space. It sounds hideous.

Take a mental health day and think about it over the weekend. I 100% would quit in your situation though.

Just quit, OP. I was in a similar situation some years ago - total bait and switch, and no way reflected my management style or philosophy once in the door. I too said 'not a quitter' but on day one, within 2 hours, I knew I'd made a tremendous mistake. I stuck it out for 18 months, and regretted every single day and hour. Do not be me. Just quit. I felt incredible when I finally just said 'today is my last day. I wish you all the best in the future' in an email to the whole company. And walked.

It did no harm to my reputation or ability to get hired again; I simply told the truth that it was not a fit, and said nothing bad about them.

I would walk out, in your position. In fact I left my last job because I was in a no-win situation, being given projects that were doomed to fail because people senior to me didn't want to take the blame. I can guarantee that once you're free of the place, you'll get your confidence back.

Just leave and don't give the nutters a second thought. You can't win against crazy. Sounds like you will find another job easily enough.

I think it's really easy to get caught up in the moment and worry about things which are so inconsequential in the long term.

I always use the "death bed" test. If I was on my death bed and looking back at my life, would I have been glad that I stayed in a job that made me utterly miserable and was destroying my mental health - even though I didn't actually need the money? Or would I feel happier about making a decision to leave and find something that wasn't making me desperately unhappy? I suspect I'd look back and wondered why I stayed in a job which I clearly wasn't suited to - life is too short to do things that make you so unhappy when there's an opportunity to get out.

You said yourself you have a long and reputable career - you're not a quitter.

If this was your daughter in the job, what would you tell her to do? I suspect you'd tell her to leave. No question. We are so often harsher on ourselves than we would be on others. Treat yourself with the same kindness as you'd treat a daughter/mother/sister/friend. You don't need to stay somewhere that's breaking you.

Being proactive about your mental health is not being a quitter.

Agree absolutely with @tootiredtospeak -that’s exactly what I would do in your situation too.

And then have a calm, peaceful, happy and restorative weekend..!

I've been in your position in the past OP. Check your contract, as others have said, it might only be one weeks notice and you can self certificate for one week.
Your mental health is so important and if you're normally resilient then things must be bad. If you're financially stable for now then do it! When you start feeling sick at just the thought of going in then it's time to move on.
You're not pathetic, in fact you're very strong as you've recognised that you're worth more than this.
Wishing you all the very best

I was with my first company for over 20 years, then left and joined the current company and similar to you, I just can’t understand the politics and its toxic culture.
Also in probation- month 5, it’s not for me.
I found myself a new role - lots of interviews for it but got it.
Handed in my notice this week and already feel so much better.
Please just hand in your notice, get a sick note if needed
You will feel better. I promise

If you can manage without work for a while then you should walk away and look back. Your self esteem will recover when you get away from the toxic mess.

As someone who’s done recruitment this really would not be a concern on your CV. As PP said, just explain it as that it quickly became obvious the role was a poor fit so you decided to move on. Don’t badmouth the old employer. It happens and it is perfectly professional and is partly the reason a probationary period exists. Do it!!

This happened to me in 2018. I was really good at my job, actually I was already doing it for 3 years or so then just transferred to another office in a different city, same company. It all went to shit. Micromanaging, crap environment, etc. My mental health was crap. My DH (then boyfriend) kept insisting that I quit and then just look for another job with no time pressure. I lasted 8 months. The only regret that I have is that I didn't quit sooner. It's not worth it.

Forget your colleague for a moment, this is all on your boss. Buck stops with them and they confirmed do x, then bollocked you for it. Colleague probably just "hates everyone" because they've been putting up with the same bullshit for much longer ".

I wouldnt phone in sick. I'd go to your big boss first thing today and say you need to see them ASAP. Then explain you want to quit because you checked x, boss said yes, you did it, then.... Its not the first time and you're not prepared to be treated like that. I'd also bring up its not the job you applied for and unfair that they switched.

I don't think you are bad at your job, rather that you have an incompetent manager who has no clue what they are doing and blames everyone else when THEY get it wrong...

I would definitely quit. It sounds like with your skills it shouldn’t take long to find another job, plus you can manage financially in the meantime. Don’t let them waste any more of your time/headspace!

@ihatemyjobiwanttoquit

I’ve been in the job just under six months (still in probation period), it’s a senior technical role in the public sector. I can’t get a straight answer out of anyone. I work alongside another senior engineer who hates our manager (actually she seems to hate everyone, including me).

I got bollocked last Friday night by my manager (at 9pm) for doing something the way the other senior engineer insisted it should be done (I’d called them both into a meeting earlier that day to check it was ok because I felt uncomfortable dumping work on other teams, they said it was the correct process and to go ahead).

Whatever I do is wrong, this has been the case since day 1. The other engineer either emails me and says ‘don’t ever do this again’ or my manager emails me and says ‘the way you’ve gone about this is wrong’. I don’t do any engineering, I feel like a project manager (a very very bad, incompetent one).

I’ve never just quit before, but my mental health is suffering. I’m pretty tough, I’ve 25 years experience in my job and a good reputation. They pulled a switcheroo on me at final offer stage (after 7 interviews, I should have seen the giant red flag!) and said this role was more suited to my skillset, they’d head hunted me for another role.

I’m stuck in the middle, losing confidence daily and questioning myself. I feel sick at the thought of another day spent dealing with this bullshit, I just can’t take another kicking in someone else’s war.

AIBU to tell them I quit, I can’t even face working my notice period right now.

This is so weird, I had a dream about a former job Last night that was so so similar to you situation, but I quit impressively in my dream and woke up feeling great, lol.

It was an actual job, worst one I've ever had, I waited a year to quit but regretted it and honestly saw all the warning signs in the first 2 weeks, I should have quit then. My advice would be to quit 100%. I've been there, I also never had issues after quitting getting another job (long time ago but seems so similar to your situ). I even discussed it in job interviews (being v diplomatic but honest) and it was fine.

I did exactly the same after being only 2 weeks in a job which from interview to me joining had changed … they had evaluated the role and added very basic tasks to it which I was far too experienced for… by the second day I was staring out of the window bored …I found the people I worked with really unprofessional and just generally hated it, after 2 days of being in tears on the way home I just told them I wouldn’t be coming back. I started a new job a couple of weeks later and I’m still there. Best decision ever.

I am not a quitter at all, but was once in a similar position. Got into work one day and realized nothing was worth that feeling, resigned in the spot and never looked back. If you have a solid work history, one small error of judgement doesn't hurt. Good luck.