To quit my job tomorrow

[ihatemyjobiwanttoquit]

I’ve been in the job just under six months (still in probation period), it’s a senior technical role in the public sector. I can’t get a straight answer out of anyone. I work alongside another senior engineer who hates our manager (actually she seems to hate everyone, including me).

I got bollocked last Friday night by my manager (at 9pm) for doing something the way the other senior engineer insisted it should be done (I’d called them both into a meeting earlier that day to check it was ok because I felt uncomfortable dumping work on other teams, they said it was the correct process and to go ahead).

Whatever I do is wrong, this has been the case since day 1. The other engineer either emails me and says ‘don’t ever do this again’ or my manager emails me and says ‘the way you’ve gone about this is wrong’. I don’t do any engineering, I feel like a project manager (a very very bad, incompetent one).

I’ve never just quit before, but my mental health is suffering. I’m pretty tough, I’ve 25 years experience in my job and a good reputation. They pulled a switcheroo on me at final offer stage (after 7 interviews, I should have seen the giant red flag!) and said this role was more suited to my skillset, they’d head hunted me for another role.

I’m stuck in the middle, losing confidence daily and questioning myself. I feel sick at the thought of another day spent dealing with this bullshit, I just can’t take another kicking in someone else’s war.

AIBU to tell them I quit, I can’t even face working my notice period right now.

Please leave. I quit my last job after six months. I also had destroyed confidence and considered going off with stress. Got another role, feel really valued now, got a hefty pay rise and my old company made everyone redundant during covid and then offered them their old jobs back for less money as wfh! Proof to me that there’s no point staying in a shitty situation.

Yes leave OP, life is too short to stay in a job that makes you miserable. I would usually say to find something else before you quit but as you say you can comfortably afford not to work for a while, just leave.
If you hand your notice in and get signed off at the same time for the duration of the notice period, you’ll technically still be classed as working your notice so won’t be in breach of contract. I think that would be a better approach than just walking out with no notice. Although even if you do the latter there are unlikely to be any repercussions, what could they really do!

i feel your pain, OP. I was headhunted into a role that on paper and in discussions was perfect for me. Barely any training in the job, coupled with everyone WFH etc, and I was at my wit's end.

So i quit - they offered me another job within the company and I'm doing that while i work on my exit strategy.

The probation period is for both sides to see if it's a good fit. In your shoes I'd give them one chance to do the right thing. You need to explain to them what you have explained here. Do you know if previous incumbents in the role had the same problems? Do they have a retention problem? (it sounds like a toxic culture) and if they're not even prepared to talk to you about it today, hand in your notice and get your GP to write you off sick for your notice period.

Good luck!

@Tippytaps

See your GP to explain your work environment is impacting on your mental health. Ask your Gp for a sick note for work stress. Take a couple of days to bring calm back to your life then use the rest of the time to write your CV and apply for new jobs

Please don’t do this. Please. You can sign yourself off for up to a week. No need to involve the GP at this stage.

I would go off sick for a week at least.
I say that as I'm in a toxic environment too and this yr have had suicide ideation even though I'm normally an energetic positive person.
I haven't gone sick though.i work in a male dominated industry and the other women were sacked/left so just me.
The team have gradually been turned against me by my boss who I know is manipulative by things he has done and said to others.
My pride and the fact I will leave when I want to have made me stay.
I know since I had a holiday the old me is still in there.
I'm having therapy for anxiety and depression.
I agree life is too short and employers won't care if you took a break in the long term as long as you know there is work availability in your field.
Good luck.

Good luck OP. It sounds like you’re doing exactly the right thing. It sounds like they have major issues you can’t solve on your own, and that’s not an altar you want to sacrifice yourself on.

Hi op, just wanted to say that my dp started a new job less than 2 months ago and he has just been signed off with stress for 2 weeks and is actively looking for another job in that time for similar reasons to you.

He feels he is constantly being told he's done things wrong and a member of his team is trying to push him out (as he did his predecessor) and he is working all hours.

He was having panic attacks and his depression was coming back with a vengeance so he decided it just isn't worth it (the money was good). He is very good at what he does but in less than 2 months he has lost his confidence completely.

So I say speak to your manager first if you can about how you are feeling and if nothing is done to support you, go off sick for a couple of weeks if you can and look for something else. No job is worth this.

Just to add, my dp also needed his anti-depressants increasing as a result of the stress, which is why he went to the doctor's and he then signed him off.

Forget your colleague for a moment, this is all on your boss. Buck stops with them and they confirmed do x, then bollocked you for it. Colleague probably just "hates everyone" because they've been putting up with the same bullshit for much longer ".

I wouldnt phone in sick. I'd go to your big boss first thing today and say you need to see them ASAP. Then explain you want to quit because you checked x, boss said yes, you did it, then.... Its not the first time and you're not prepared to be treated like that. I'd also bring up its not the job you applied.

Agreed. This is what I would do. I wouldn’t phone in sick when I wasn’t.

Definitely do what tootiredtospeak says. I’ve done this before and it was absolutely the right decision. It was scary, because we did need me to have a job, but I left pretty much immediately and got another job two weeks later.

As it is public sector there will be a probation policy. Were you given a set of objectives, has your manager had 1:1 catch ups with you to discuss your performance? . Have you had any training etc'. If not then you have a choice. You either leave and protect your well being or you calmly write it all down with evidence and let HR know and your line manager's manager and request a meeting saying in the circumstances you do not feel you have been adequately trained to present to the stakeholders and that you need to raise the lack of support and structure during your probationary period. There will have been regular points in the probationary period where they should have met with you and given you feedback and structure if you were not performing. Read the policies and I am sure they will not have been doing what they should have been. Agree a plan going forward and in the interim look for another job. It depends how much you are prepared to stay and to challenge.

@TatianaBis

Forget your colleague for a moment, this is all on your boss. Buck stops with them and they confirmed do x, then bollocked you for it. Colleague probably just "hates everyone" because they've been putting up with the same bullshit for much longer ".

I wouldnt phone in sick. I'd go to your big boss first thing today and say you need to see them ASAP. Then explain you want to quit because you checked x, boss said yes, you did it, then.... Its not the first time and you're not prepared to be treated like that. I'd also bring up its not the job you applied.

Agreed. This is what I would do. I wouldn’t phone in sick when I wasn’t.

This as well.

The stakeholder presentation is what has finally forced the issue - you can't prepare for it not because you don't have the skills or the knowledge, but because of your batshit crazy undermining game-playing dickhead colleague/bosses - you are the collateral damage in their drive-by shooting.

I wouldn't crumble. I would get ice cold angry. I would go in with email evidence of their conflicting directives, point out that it's impossible for you to work in such a contradictory and hostile environment, and say that you are not prepared to present to stakeholders on Monday. And quit with your head held high. Tossers.

Sometimes it demonstrates greater strength to quit than to keep banging your head against a brick wall. You are not a quitter, you are taking a sensible decision to leave an untenable situation. If you stay, it will become an obsession and impact your mental health (voice of experience). Whatever proxy war these two blokes are playing, it's not your issue. Just leave.

Rather than walk out it might be better to go to GP and get signed off sick with 'work related stress'. Important to explain all the factors you have outlined above so that the sick note makes it clear it is work induced. Then use the breathing space to consider your options. Check the policies on probation, sick pay, attendance etc so that you know where you stand. Public sector sick pay is often quite generous so being off sick should not lead to the alternative stress of no money. You may be referred to occupational health which could be helpful. Get union involved, to try and negotiate for a move to the job you originally applied for.

I've worked in environments as toxic as this, 4 times in my life. After the 4th experience I ended up being off sick for over 18 months, only surviving thanks to the help of an amazing set of friends and a brilliant CPN.

Workplaces like this, and the little tinpot Hitlers who run them, don't improve. The bosses don't care and, in my experience, neither do the bunch of bored incompetent brats who made up HR (more interested in arranging the Christmas party and comparing kitten heels than helping staff who were struggling).

In one company I watched the decent HR rep being sacked on the spot and escorted off the premises because she'd dared to express opinions the revolting little gnome who owned the company didn't agree with.

And some of the bigger organisations I've worked for, including public sector, have been no better, half the time HR haven't even known current employment law.

If you're in a position to leave and get yourself back for a bit, do so.

Also, 7 interviews?! Did I read that? Plus bait and switch?! More than 2 would be enough of a red flag for me these days! Out of curiosity, what's their glassdoor rating? That's usually pretty telling....

Good luck, I hope there are better times ahead for you.

I did exactly the same, the company had a serious bullying culture and the manager joined in with it, 4 of us left due to this reason around the same time, I lasted 8 months!

I was due to annual leave to get married and go on honeymoon but the week leading up to it was truly horrendous and I was dreading being away due to the messages I would have received and the backlash on my return so my husband made me stay at home, (I was in tears and nearly had a breakdown on what should have been a happy time for me) my husband marched into my work with a notice letter and in front of the director told them why I would never be back, along with evidence of what they did to me, apparently his face was a picture, I was so relieved and had a fabulous wedding and honeymoon

On my CV I put it down as a temporary contract as I didn’t want any new company asking them for a reference

Gook luck, you will not regret it

Just leave! I was in a similar situation and I stayed for three years to prove to myself I could do it and I refused to fail. It was miserable and now I have a normal job again I look back and wonder what the hell I was thinking. It’s not worth it!

I agree with all the previous posters - sick note to cover your notice with an explanation to HR about how you've been treated. I ignored several red flags about a job once (very similar to your situation) and by the time I did inevitably leave my confidence was destroyed.

Go for it and be thankful you're in your probation period.

@tootiredtospeak

I would definitely leave if you need to however, you could go to HR and say you are considering leaving due to the toxic environment between these two staff members at the very least make your parting gift a grievance raised against them both. Or be bold ask HR to reconsider your position to the job you were head hunted for.

Usually a grievance raised before you leave won’t do anything. You’re not entitled to the full process once you’re not an employee. You generally just get a letter back.

Sticking out a job you hate that's destroying your confidence and mental health for six months is not 'being a quitter'! OP, FGS quit this horrible job and look for another one. The company you're working for lied to you before you even started and now it looks like they're using you as a scapegoat and piggy in the middle to whatever argument is going on between these two colleagues. Life is too short for this kind of shit. You're a experienced, professional woman with a good track record. We've all had jobs that have been a bad fit - I don't know one person who hasn't, at some point in their career, gone 'Oh shit, I absolutely hate this new job, it's nothing like I was expecting/was led to believe it would be'.

Quit. Today

They're making it intolerable for you to stay because they want you to leave. They're bullies and cowards to boot.
Give notice. Get signed off and never look back.
Leave them to their misery.

@crummyusername

As someone who’s done recruitment this really would not be a concern on your CV. As PP said, just explain it as that it quickly became obvious the role was a poor fit so you decided to move on. Don’t badmouth the old employer. It happens and it is perfectly professional and is partly the reason a probationary period exists. Do it!!

Agree with this.

absolutely leave. It's not worth it and you don't need this.

i was in a similar position. I quit and then looked for a job. I got it within 10 days. I went a ring lower for an easy life and have recently gone back to a managerial role with the same company.