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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think what’s he doing???

78 replies

Brindisi32 · 23/09/2021 15:34

N/c for this. Off and on over the years I’ve caught my partner lurking beside me whilst I’m sleeping. Sometimes he’s stood over me staring and other times he seems to be fiddling about - there’s nothing that belongs to him in the drawers etc. When I’ve asked him later what he was doing he’ll often flatly deny he was there.

Two nights ago he turned my bedside lamp on and then ran off to the bathroom…it’s odd because he has a lamp which is easy enough to switch on. So I asked him and he got very annoyed and claimed he was nowhere near my side of the bed…there have been times when I’ve found things moved or found my bag opened when it was closed. If I’m totally honest it gives me the creeps if someone’s stood over me whilst I’m sleeping and then denies it.

Aibu to feel uncomfortable? Or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
BurntO · 23/09/2021 15:35

Is he sleep walking!?

Blanca87 · 23/09/2021 15:37

If it gives you the creeps why are still with him? He sounds like a weirdo to be honest.

Original poster
Brindisi32 · 23/09/2021 15:37

No, he’s coming to bed

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 23/09/2021 15:37

He's either sleep walking or gaslighting you. What happens if you confront him in the moment like when he's going through your drawers?

grapewine · 23/09/2021 15:38

That's so creepy. What's he doing rummaging in your drawers? Nope.

Inim · 23/09/2021 15:39

I think he’s likely looking through your stuff/phone

Gorl · 23/09/2021 15:40

If he’s sleepwalking it’s not something he has a lot of control over, though still worth seeing a GP.

If he’s not sleepwalking he’s a horrible creep and you should run for the hills.

Original poster
Brindisi32 · 23/09/2021 15:40

On the odd occasion when I’ve asked what he’s doing he’s brushed over it and say he’s coming to bed.

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 23/09/2021 15:41

Confused why would he turn your lamp on and then run away? How very odd! Sounds creepy to me, I'd get rid!

mrsbyers · 23/09/2021 15:42

Is he looking to see if you have a vibrator hidden from him

TimeForTeaAndG · 23/09/2021 15:43

@Brindisi32

On the odd occasion when I’ve asked what he’s doing he’s brushed over it and say he’s coming to bed.
I'd have chucked him ages ago then. Why stay with a creepy liar?
girlmom21 · 23/09/2021 15:43

If he's denying it I would assume he's checking up on you. He's trying to find something to catch you out.

Duckswaddle · 23/09/2021 15:44

Sounds like a horror film...

Harlequin1088 · 23/09/2021 15:46

I had an ex who did this. I once woke up to find him manipulating my forefinger to try and unlock my phone with my fingerprint. Straight up couldn't understand why I was so pissed.

LaMadrilena · 23/09/2021 15:46

Set up a camera...

Justbecauseofit · 23/09/2021 15:47

That’s bizarre!!

Has he got trust issues? How’s the relationship in general?

grapewine · 23/09/2021 15:48

@Harlequin1088

I had an ex who did this. I once woke up to find him manipulating my forefinger to try and unlock my phone with my fingerprint. Straight up couldn't understand why I was so pissed.
WTF is wrong with people? I'm glad he's an ex!

Sounds like you're being gaslighted, OP. You know what you've seen.

Alonelonelyloner · 23/09/2021 15:50

I second the camera set-up suggestion.
It's creepy and either he is doing it to try and get something from you or he is playing the long game with gaslighting. How deeply messed up and unpleasant. If he knows you don't like it and he carries on, I would seriously reconsider this relationship.

DuckPancake · 23/09/2021 15:50

How bizarre!! Can you wait till he goes to bed first at all just to see his reaction? Is it only when you're sleeping? How long has it been going on for?

Winniewonka · 23/09/2021 15:50

Very odd behaviour. Like PP, seems as if he is trying to check up on you by looking through your things. How is he during daylight hours, does he act like he doesn't trust you?

You need to have a proper talk about what's going on but not when you've just been woken up. Tackle him and say you don't accept his explanations.

DuckPancake · 23/09/2021 15:51

Ah sorry you said over the years on and off. Any idea what might make him do it on and off?

nokidshere · 23/09/2021 15:54

If it's 'on and off' are you sure he's not sleepwalking? My DS sleepwalks, as a child he did it a lot, now in his 20s tends to be when he's worrying about something.

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 23/09/2021 15:55

This is really odd behaviour. Does he live with you full time? I would honestly end it if he was unable or unwilling to understand that this is seriously odd and needs to stop immediately.

TheChip · 23/09/2021 15:55

Could it be on and off because he sometimes gets the urge to look elsewhere and so his guilty conscience assumes that you must be too. If he's not sleep walking, then it seems like he's trying to catch you out on something.

Leave a note in a place where he snoops saying "what a creep you are" or better yet, just tell him to get lost. Unless it is sleepwalking.

TempName01 · 23/09/2021 15:56

This sounds really bad, I would have to set some kind of trap to be certain of what he is doing. An alarm of some sort or even a camera to catch him in the act. Speaking of cameras, could he be filming you?