To think hospitals need to allow visitors as normal ASAP?

[Burnt0utMum]

My grandad has had a heart attack and is now in hospital alone. His wife of approx 60 years is at home helpless as she can't be with him. He's not allowed visitors at all so we're stuck waiting the odd phone call from the hospital with an update. It's so cruel for those in hospital alone and those at home with the constant worry of not being able to help. Aibu to think enough is enough and visitors need to be allowed to see their relatives? If they're fully vaccinated and can show a negative test why are they still being kept away?

So. Hospital cases are rising and we are surfing into another wave, not really the best time to review the visitors rule

My mum just died alone in ICU after two weeks in hospital where she had no visitors. She was too ill to communicate by phone and anyway the nurses were really too busy to put her phone on charge for her or help. On the one occasion I rang, she was in pain, cold and frightened. I had no idea how ill she was because we could never get through to the wards.
A sad state of affairs.

My Trust says that they are following National Policy but a lot of varied experiences being reported here so they can't all be!

We try to facilitate video calls but for elderly confused people they will need staff support to access that on our one and only ward iPad and we are of course chronically short staffed so it's not possible to do this very often for everyone. Once a week is probably what we can manage on that. No way can we manage once a day. Even a phone update once a day for every patient and often with multiple family members ringing for the same info is a challenge.

Agree anyone can bring a virus in which is as fatal to some as covid

Hospital cases are rising and we are surfing into another wave

No they are not, and no we are not

@CovoidOfAllHumanity

My Trust says that they are following National Policy but a lot of varied experiences being reported here so they can't all be!

We try to facilitate video calls but for elderly confused people they will need staff support to access that on our one and only ward iPad and we are of course chronically short staffed so it's not possible to do this very often for everyone. Once a week is probably what we can manage on that. No way can we manage once a day. Even a phone update once a day for every patient and often with multiple family members ringing for the same info is a challenge.

What would have helped me tremendously when DH was confused and alone, would have been a quick email update daily. I spent hours trying to get through to the ward when he was calling me crying in pain and then talking to people trying to get information the chasing it up the promised call didn't come.

If they'd told me before I asked, it would have been far more time efficient, for them as well as me. After 18 months you'd really think "someone" could have worked out a system for this by now.

I work in social care and I agree, I've seen too many people die without having relatives allowed in until they're officially end of life, which in many cases is too late as they're non responsive or on hefty pain relief by then.
If it's ok to have workers going in when they live with a positive case to do care then we should bloody well be able to accept vaccinated and tested visitors, restrictions on numbers is sensible, so there's not 2 or 3 large groups at any one time, as is one person gets a visit at a time, negative tests and double vaccination.
Or maybe those making the decisions are scared about what relatives are actually going to see, and realise that although they can ignore carers and HCPs raising concerns, but thousands of relatives doing so isn't going to be so easy?

It makes me so mad when people say that the young have sacrificed so much to protect the old and vulnerable - they've made huge sacrifices too to protect others, yet that doesn't seem to matter.

[quote Chessie678]@saltinesandcoffeecups
Agree with the point about navigating doctors etc. I had a major operation a few years ago and was on very strong pain meds afterwards and still in a lot of pain- no way I could have followed the aftercare instructions or taken in much about how the operation went. Theoretically the surgeon could have written everything down so that I or my DH could have read it later but realistically they’re busy and don’t provide much detail in writing.

And that was as a usually healthy 30 year old who had planned for the operation. Can only imagine how someone with dementia undergoing emergency treatment would feel.

I’m not at all sure this policy is making patients safer when looked at holistically.[/quote]
Yeah, my mum was being asked to make decisions about treatment all while hallucinating on the drugs she was given. (Chemo, radiation , and surgery)

I’m about 500 mi away to begin with so we were relying on phones for the most part but I was able to drive in every weekend and timed it to speak with her doctors and nurses when I came in to visit. It was a nightmare for everyone.

Once she was released into the rehab facility I noticed a very clear distinction in her treatment, it’s as if they never saw a visitor or her family so we weren’t real or part of her care. Luckily my career has trained me how to get the point across and be present even if only by phone. Let’s just say I now personally live in fear of not having someone to advocate for me in a similar situation when I get old.

@queenatom

When my husband's grandfather was in the hospital a few years ago, it took a lot of intervention from visiting family to ensure that he was getting the correct care and to advocate for him - he simply wasn't in a fit state to do so for himself and his condition deteriorated significant before the family were listened to. I hate to think what would have happened if he hadn't been allowed visitors.

My uncle died in January because of this. He went in with a UTI which turned to sepsis, but because no one was with him there was no one to advocate for him when the particular antibiotics he was on weren't working and he was too out of it to advocate for himself. It's not just social contact that visitors provide, many patients cannot communicate their needs and even the most amazing nurses can't be everywhere at once.

He didn't die from covid, but he probably wouldn't have died if it wasn't for covid.

*Yeah, my mum was being asked to make decisions about treatment all while hallucinating on the drugs she was given. (Chemo, radiation , and surgery)

I’m about 500 mi away to begin with so we were relying on phones for the most part but I was able to drive in every weekend and timed it to speak with her doctors and nurses when I came in to visit. It was a nightmare for everyone.

Once she was released into the rehab facility I noticed a very clear distinction in her treatment, it’s as if they never saw a visitor or her family so we weren’t real or part of her care. Luckily my career has trained me how to get the point across and be present even if only by phone. Let’s just say I now personally live in fear of not having someone to advocate for me in a similar situation when I get old*

I've been through something very similar recently, 4 months with no visits at all and having to cope with the news of life changing injuries by herself. Too ill to speak on the phone and barely any updates. I complained to PALS in the end and had a pretty prompt phone call where they presumed I already knew she'd never walk again...that was a shocker. Rehab was slightly better as I could visit once a week and insisted on attending goal planning meetings by zoom as I figured out she was agreeing to things she didn't really understand.

Just dreadful.

My grandad was taken to hospital nearly a fortnight ago and is currently having end of life care arranged. He was due to be discharged today there there aren’t enough carers to put his care plan in place to he has to remain in hospital- we’ve found out there’s Covid on the ward today so they’ve shut it off from even the minimal visits he was allowed from my nanny for at least 14 days. And he was hoping to be home today… I hope and pray he gets to see out his days at home as he wishes.
Covid makes a bad situation worse.. i do your hope grandad feels better soon OP.

Oh and my uncle died alone. My aunt, married to him for 59 years and his children saw him Christmas Eve when he went into hospital and never saw him alive again, even when he was moved to a hospice. They couldn't speak to him on phone or video either as he was so out of it. It's absolutely inhuman.

@GreatPotato I'm so sorry that happened to your family. We had a similar situation in that a relative had a cancer diagnosis, late because of covid delays, spent the last 2 months of her life in hospital alone, her DD was allowed to visit twice during that time, no other family, not her siblings or grandchildren, and then deteriorated suddenly so the end of life you can come in call to DD, was 20 minutes before she passed with her DD living 45 minutes away, so was just with a nurse at the end. It's so sad and cruel, her last year was spent isolating due to being CV with another condition, then alone in hospital, if someone would have said 2 years ago this would be standard we would never have believed it.

Yanbu visitors should be allowed COvid be damned. Happy ppl who feel loved fght disease better anyway. So much suffering in the name of covid already / it’s not the only disease on the planet but a myopic focus has led to a terrible situation where rights have been stripped away.

Too cruel to leave ppl on their own when they need their loved ones most

My dad passed away on Sunday, he’d had a stroke and then contracted COVID while in hospital. We were allowed to see him when he was on the end of life pathway but by then he was unconscious and struggling to breathe. We weren’t allowed to see him until that point.Guidance where we are allows for visits on red wards for end of life.

The hardest part was the time between the ward closing because of COVID and the agreement that he was at the end of his life. The nurses we spoke to were very inconsistent, one even said that she was uncomfortable discussing any arrangements for my dad’s end of life care, because she didn’t feel that it was the right time (he died a few days late). We just wanted to make sure he didn’t die alone.

Just to note that when I did see him the Ppe provided was just gloves and an apron.

It's an abuse of your human rights.

We opened up visiting and had 3 covid outbreaks in a week so had to stop. We had visitors refuse lateral flow test (we can’t make them), refusing masks, refusing to leave after an hour. The small number who can’t behave ruin it for others.

My husband has been in hospital so far for 4 months, he will probably be there for a fair few months more. His nee rehabilitation ward do not allow visitors, it is horrid. Silly things that I can't do like helping set up tech, cutting his nails, trimming his eyebrows, ear hair or nose hair (yep), or even feeding him are unavailable. I can't even take something home that I need because I am not allowed on the ward but they are so short-staffed nobody can help and I have to leave at a certain time as the journey takes 4 and 1/2 hours each way and I can only see him fortnightly. It is completely cruel and shit for both of us. I have spoke to Head Ward Sisters about it and they have agreed I can visit him in bed but when I get there and they aren't there I get told that I can't go in.

This isn't rehab for him, it is cruel.

@FloydWasACat

This is my situation too. my daughter is a young adult in rehab. It's been so awful and brought me to the edge of my own sanity. What can we do?

@FloydWasACat

My husband has been in hospital so far for 4 months, he will probably be there for a fair few months more. His nee rehabilitation ward do not allow visitors, it is horrid. Silly things that I can't do like helping set up tech, cutting his nails, trimming his eyebrows, ear hair or nose hair (yep), or even feeding him are unavailable. I can't even take something home that I need because I am not allowed on the ward but they are so short-staffed nobody can help and I have to leave at a certain time as the journey takes 4 and 1/2 hours each way and I can only see him fortnightly. It is completely cruel and shit for both of us. I have spoke to Head Ward Sisters about it and they have agreed I can visit him in bed but when I get there and they aren't there I get told that I can't go in.

This isn't rehab for him, it is cruel.

Utter shit

PALS were doing the ferrying things from ward to visitors and vice versa at the hospital mum was in. Might be worth investigating if you haven't already. No one told me, I only found out by chance.

@GreatPotato

DH had to be told his cancer was terminal on his own in hospital and he didn't see anyone except hospital staff for three months after that, until he came home to die. Visitors only allowed at the very end of life.

Looking back I don't know why I stood for it (I did try very hard to persuade them) and I don't know why doctors and other medical professionals allowed such a cruel situation.

No one will ever convince me that was humane or right or necessary.

My mum was in for 7 weeks before we were allowed in to see her, my only relief is that she was too ill by the time they told her and us it was the end to take it in. I fully understand that the rules are for a reason, but it’s unbearably cruel.

YANBU
A negative test should be enough to allow visitors. Some people perk up and recover faster when allowed visitors.. surely that is a good thing.

@Lou573

Mothers have only been allowed limited contact with their babies in NICU. Can you imagine, 2 hours a day allocated to see your newborn? It’s inhumane.

Not the case everywhere at, most NICU have restrictions to one visitor but not any time limit. The NICU my baby was in allowed unlimited visiting from both parents.

‘Visitors’ in hospitals should be permanently banned for good after this. I think it’s a joke that neighbours and friends were allowed to just traipse in to someone’s bedside, especially to a ward with other patients, there is no need for that carry on.

However, close family should 100% be allowed in to help with their loved one, but the only people allowed in should be close relatives etc.
There should be a better system set up, it’s absolutely appalling the way that sick people are alone in hospital right now.
Also the amount of falls I’m hearing about with patients trying to get up, or falling out of bed. There just isn’t enough nursing staff to care for everything.

A family liaison role should be set up that communicates properly and regularly with the family. There is no way nurses should have to be dealing with passing in messages etc. This isn’t their job.

I feel really bad for everyone dealing with this right now. Hopefully changes are coming soon to this awful situation.