Page 3 | To think hospitals need to allow visitors as normal ASAP?

Burnt0utMum · 2021-09-22T20:11:22+00:00

My grandad has had a heart attack and is now in hospital alone. His wife of approx 60 years is at home helpless as she can't be with him. He's not allowed visitors at all so we're stuck waiting the odd phone call from the hospital with an update. It's so cruel for those in hospital alone and those at home with the constant worry of not being able to help. Aibu to think enough is enough and visitors need to be allowed to see their relatives? If they're fully vaccinated and can show a negative test why are they still being kept away?

Pebbledashery · 22/09/2021 22:23

@Burnt0utMum

OK so maybe they don't allow 10 visitors each but why not 1 visitor who's vaccinated and with a negative test? With a mask and not allowed to wander round the ward etc. Pretty low risk for a huge benefit for the patient

This is why the guidance will be changing. Our trust sent an announcement out this week regarding changes in visiting. Primary reason being that it's beneficial for patients. I reiterate, sit tight.. It will happen.

Valenciaoranges · 22/09/2021 22:25

Yet in schools everyone is allowed to mix in large groups on a daily basis.

GreatPotato · 22/09/2021 22:29

@Valenciaoranges

Yet in schools everyone is allowed to mix in large groups on a daily basis.

Come on, everything doesn't have to be about schools.

I am completely traumatised by the visiting situation in hospitals, but even I can acknowledge there's a huge difference there. Schools contain our least vulnerable citizens and hospitals our most vulnerable. And I work in school.

Purplewithred · 22/09/2021 22:32

No visiting can be more dangerous for patients, as people who know the patient well can’t tell the hospital how the patient is compared to normal. And while some wards are great at keeping families updated too many of them are really rubbish.

It does vary by hospital and needs to be controlled but hopefully will be changing soon as a patient safety measure.

tootiredtospeak · 22/09/2021 22:33

But why do hospitals have different rules. My Grandad 87 went into A&E last month and couldn't have anyone with him whilst he was taken in the ambulance or in there. Buy once on the ward my Nan was allowed 1 hour a day visit and as she is blind in one eye my Mum was allowed in with her.

coachmylife · 22/09/2021 22:36

When I was in w DS I was SO relieved visitors weren’t allowed. Just one parent (we could swap). Soooo much better than other times when huge families come visiting and toddlers invade cubicles and shriek.
Quite different for the elderly tho. No visits for them is appalling.

ginnybag · 22/09/2021 22:36

We've got exactly this at the moment.

MIL is 74, seriously disabled and cannot speak at all.

She had a fall on Monday, she's in hospital. No-one can visit.

She can't use a phone to talk, can't text or type. To communicate, we need to physically be with her.

The hospital are struggling because they just don't know how to talk to her. She can't get help or ask for anything.

Oh, and we've had one update since she was admitted, on Monday evening. We asked for contact today - still waiting. Apparently, this morning they'd tried but they'd been ringing her home phone, despite being clearly told my mobile was primary contact. She could be dead, and we'd be none the wiser.

It's ridiculous and unfair to everyone, including the staff. They need us there to be able to offer her the best care - they said as much Monday

DixonD · 22/09/2021 22:37

@pinkstripeycat

In the early 70s I was a 4 year old alone in hospital for weeks on end time after time with a bad chest. Parents weren’t allowed to sleep over and one parent was only allowed at visiting times. Children weren’t allowed to visit so I didn’t see my siblings for weeks. I was 4 and coped with it despite being terrified and very shy. I’m sure adults can cope during a pandemic I guess it’s made me less soppy

That’s all very well but you weren’t at the end of your life. This is what matters the most. Those precious last hours/days/weeks that you just cannot get back.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 22/09/2021 22:38

Just went through this in the US with my mum. The hospital allowed visitors but the rehab facility went into lockdown the day after she transferred there. I am now a true convert to Alexa devices. I set one up for her in rehab and it meant I could ‘drop in’ at any time and she could do the same.

I was not going to be in a position that we wouldn’t be in contact.

My advice, if you have older parents, get them one and teach them how to use it when they don’t need it. It makes it a lot easier when they do. And for some reason, it’s less intimidating than a smart phone for some (mainly those who haven’t or won’t use one, but even my mum who has an iPhone managed to lock herself out of it when she was under the influence of hospital drugs).

The rules were asinine to begin with since it’s the staff that generally brings in the cases. Locking down does nothing.

Holskey · 22/09/2021 22:39

Agree. It's so inhumane and too high a price. The risk from Covid does not justify such cruelty. The world's gone mad and we've lost all sense of proportion.

I'm so sorry to all those with heartbreaking stories here

Valenciaoranges · 22/09/2021 22:40

@greatpotato - I don’t think I mentioned it all being about schools…..I am just frustrated that poor families are not able to see loved ones, can’t get to see a GP who all happen to be fully kitted out in PPE etc. If we’re going back to some form of normality, then health services should adapt as well as everyone else.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 22/09/2021 22:42

@ginnybag

We've got exactly this at the moment.

MIL is 74, seriously disabled and cannot speak at all.

She had a fall on Monday, she's in hospital. No-one can visit.

She can't use a phone to talk, can't text or type. To communicate, we need to physically be with her.

The hospital are struggling because they just don't know how to talk to her. She can't get help or ask for anything.

Oh, and we've had one update since she was admitted, on Monday evening. We asked for contact today - still waiting. Apparently, this morning they'd tried but they'd been ringing her home phone, despite being clearly told my mobile was primary contact. She could be dead, and we'd be none the wiser.

It's ridiculous and unfair to everyone, including the staff. They need us there to be able to offer her the best care - they said as much Monday

Would video work? Sorry if it’s a stupid question , and nothing replaces you being there but see above with Alexa…it saved me when my mum couldn’t answer her phone.

Sorry you’re in the middle of this. I know how difficult it is.

Holskey · 22/09/2021 22:44

@pinkstripeycat

In the early 70s I was a 4 year old alone in hospital for weeks on end time after time with a bad chest. Parents weren’t allowed to sleep over and one parent was only allowed at visiting times. Children weren’t allowed to visit so I didn’t see my siblings for weeks. I was 4 and coped with it despite being terrified and very shy. I’m sure adults can cope during a pandemic I guess it’s made me less soppy

What a ridiculous contribution. I'm not sure how you not seeing your siblings during a chest infection as a shy child suggests that "adults can cope" with being left to die alone.

Phoenix76 · 22/09/2021 22:46

It’s interesting that people who work in hospitals/care have posted here in agreement op, speaks volumes to me. I get what people are saying about vulnerable people on wards but surely with sensible precautions visitors (not in their bus loads obviously) play a vital role, even relieving the pressure from already over worked staff.

Madhairday · 22/09/2021 22:46

This is so desperately sad. My dad was in recently with a stroke and he was alone, confused and upset, my mum wasn't allowed to visit for a week. I just felt so helpless and upset.

But I just don't know what the answer is. There needs to be one, I understand that at first they needed to put infection control first, but I feel so very sad for all those patients who died alone :( - but what could be done, when introducing more possible covid in could result in more tragedy and upheaval. I really feel for those who have to make decisions on these things, too, with trying to juggle the nightmare they are in at the moment.

I'm a regular patient and I agree that the whole thing needs a revamp. Lots of visitors are allowed in at all times of the day and night without adhering to the visiting hours etc and when you're so ill you just need sleep it's very disruptive, when hospital routine is already so exhausting. Maybe it's a chance to change this to more regimented visiting with less people. But for now, yes, surely one visitor who is double vaccinated and has a negative test should be allowed. I feel sick to think of all those elderly, confused people like my Dad. It is one of the great tragedies of the pandemic - but what would the answer have been, especially in all the unknown at the beginning?

Babyghirl · 22/09/2021 22:49

I work in a hospital and at some degree I agree visitor's should be allowed, and then I don't we have a care of the elderly wards and a visitor came in with covid her loved one got it and it spread on that ward like wild fire all 24 patients ended up with it.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 22/09/2021 22:49

@Holskey Agreed…

What a ridiculous contribution. I'm not sure how you not seeing your siblings during a chest infection as a shy child suggests that "adults can cope" with being left to die alone.

Or navigate doctors and treatment plans and devastating news while stoned out of your mind and in pain.

Once a day they were able to see their parent, the parent could talk directly with staff, could see progress or lack of progress. Could comfort and all of that.

I’m not a soppy person and even I think it’s cruel and inhuman.

Unsure33 · 22/09/2021 22:50

The trust where my mum is allows one visitor for one hour per day . But no evening visits at all which is quite difficult.
But better that some of your experiences.

Can understand to a certain extent but I think there should be a compromise somewhere.

Unsure33 · 22/09/2021 22:54

@ginnybag

Yes my mum is the same . She can’t communicate due to parkinsons and can’t talk on the phone .

It’s so hard .
But at least I can do some visits .

OneSnowyDay · 22/09/2021 22:58

My grandmother has hours left and isn't allowed someone at her side. It's inhumane and cruel.

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 22/09/2021 23:02

I think it's really hard. I feel very conflicted

I work on an elderly care ward
Currently we are allowing 1 visitor per patient
All well and good for many but what if the elderly spouse needs a child to support them to visit? (policy says no)
What if there is a family feud and no-one agrees who should get to visit? Puts staff in a really bad position having to pick and choose and often on the end of verbal abuse.
With family not able to visit it makes things worse for patients and for staff. It takes us a lot more time phoning anxious relatives and calming down upset people who can't understand why their family can't come.

OTOH We literally just had a visitor report to us that they had developed symptoms and tested positive the very same day that they visited. And hugged their dad. Against the rules but obviously people do.
Now he has to have 10 days isolation and his discharge delayed
All the other patients need to be swabbed and we have an anxious wait to see if we get lucky and no-one has it
Or if we aren't lucky and we have an outbreak and people die. We've been there done that and got the T shirt and I am still pretty traumatised by how horrific that was.
We still have a few patients not able to be vaccinated due to dementia and behaviour issues who are at very high risk of dying if they catch this.

So damned if you do
Damned if you don't

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 22/09/2021 23:03

BTW we do have an exception for end of life when we have unrestricted visiting

GreatPotato · 22/09/2021 23:07

One consistent visitor also puts a tremendous strain on that person. They're the "lucky" sibling who gets to go and then are obliged to go daily, whilst still trying to work, have some sort of family life and often having to travel. It's exhausting and stressful.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 22/09/2021 23:08

Some hospitals are allowing that.

Chessie678 · 22/09/2021 23:11

@saltinesandcoffeecups
Agree with the point about navigating doctors etc. I had a major operation a few years ago and was on very strong pain meds afterwards and still in a lot of pain- no way I could have followed the aftercare instructions or taken in much about how the operation went. Theoretically the surgeon could have written everything down so that I or my DH could have read it later but realistically they’re busy and don’t provide much detail in writing.

And that was as a usually healthy 30 year old who had planned for the operation. Can only imagine how someone with dementia undergoing emergency treatment would feel.

I’m not at all sure this policy is making patients safer when looked at holistically.