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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think hospitals need to allow visitors as normal ASAP?

122 replies

Burnt0utMum · 22/09/2021 21:11

My grandad has had a heart attack and is now in hospital alone. His wife of approx 60 years is at home helpless as she can't be with him. He's not allowed visitors at all so we're stuck waiting the odd phone call from the hospital with an update. It's so cruel for those in hospital alone and those at home with the constant worry of not being able to help. Aibu to think enough is enough and visitors need to be allowed to see their relatives? If they're fully vaccinated and can show a negative test why are they still being kept away?

OP posts:
Davros · 22/09/2021 21:49

Controlled visiting is the way to go and should always have been the case. The times I've had to put up with other patients' noisy, overwhelming, bad mannered gaggle of visitors when trying to recover. People can be such piss takers, hoardes of people at all hours, bringing smelly food, screeching at eachother and down phones, taking all the chairs, encroaching through the curtain. And breathe...

Rupertpenrysmistress · 22/09/2021 21:51

As a ward manager I use my discretion. My trust allows 1 visitor per patient per day pre booked. I allow visitors when bad news is to be given, patients with dementia/ learning difficulties and sometimes just because mentally it is the right thing for that patient's recovery.
I know other wards say a blanket no to anyone outside of the policy. I agree it is inhumane but we must strike the right balance of safety.

SummerBluez · 22/09/2021 21:51

@pinkstripeycat

Coping with a chest infection as a child with visitors (whether sleepovers or not) is very different to being told as an adult that your cancer is terminal and spending weeks of your limited time alone and terrified.

Nothing "soppy" about it Hmm

Shitfuckcommaetc · 22/09/2021 21:52

Tbh this all varies by trust.

Also if the ward has had a covid outbreak visiting is usually stopped, but you won't be told that's the reason usually

GreatPotato · 22/09/2021 21:52

@Davros

Controlled visiting is the way to go and should always have been the case. The times I've had to put up with other patients' noisy, overwhelming, bad mannered gaggle of visitors when trying to recover. People can be such piss takers, hoardes of people at all hours, bringing smelly food, screeching at eachother and down phones, taking all the chairs, encroaching through the curtain. And breathe...
I agree with this too, all day unrestricted visiting isn't good at any time, but the current situation must change.
MossyBottom · 22/09/2021 21:55

I was going to disagree, but only as a patient.
In your family's case it's very sad.
I've been in hospital a few times and I hate visitors, mine and other people's. Pre-covid there would be strangers hanging round the ward for hours. No peace and no privacy. Not that there is much of either in hospital anyway.
I was in recently for a week and was much relieved there were no visitors. Partly because I was so ill it would have been stressful but also because I would have hated being so ill and having loads of people and noise around me.

I and everyone else on the ward had plenty of contact with friand family via free wifi and phones.
Clearly that's not true for the very elderly or sick and there is a need for some flexibility.

SucksToBeYouHun · 22/09/2021 21:57

Because the world has gone fucking mad

Lou573 · 22/09/2021 21:58

Mothers have only been allowed limited contact with their babies in NICU. Can you imagine, 2 hours a day allocated to see your newborn? It’s inhumane.

Whentheydontmeanwhattheysay · 22/09/2021 22:01

@QueenofLouisiana

Because a vaccine and negative test aren’t enough to stop this virus. DS is vaccinated and tested negative twice, so far we know of 2 people he’s transmitted it to. 😩
How do you know they got it from DS though? Couldn’t they have got it elsewhere?

It is awful.
DH & BIL we’re able to visit FIL in hospital. They were with him when he died.

So sorry to everyone who couldn’t, & still can’t, visit their sick loved ones Flowers

Chessie678 · 22/09/2021 22:01

I wonder if it has the effect of dissuading people from going into hospital unless they absolutely have to. I spent two days in hospital with no visitors with a newborn last year and if the no visiting rule still applies when I have another baby I'd discharge myself the minute I could unless the baby was seriously unwell (and last time it would have been much safer for me to be at home with support than in hospital being ignored by the midwives and I wish I'd walked out of the hospital the minute they told me that my DH couldn't stay). Equally I think I would put off an operation rather than risk being stuck in a room alone for weeks unless it was an emergency.

It is a very cruel thing to do to people who are at the end of their life and who have limited time to see their loved ones.

Antinerak · 22/09/2021 22:02

For now, it's safer to keep it as it is. They don't have the rule to be cruel, they're doing it to keep everyone safe, not just him and you.

queenatom · 22/09/2021 22:04

When my husband's grandfather was in the hospital a few years ago, it took a lot of intervention from visiting family to ensure that he was getting the correct care and to advocate for him - he simply wasn't in a fit state to do so for himself and his condition deteriorated significant before the family were listened to. I hate to think what would have happened if he hadn't been allowed visitors.

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 22/09/2021 22:04

Absolutely agree OP. And as an aside, it's about time Surgeries started seeing people face to face as well

GreatPotato · 22/09/2021 22:04

@pinkstripeycat

In the early 70s I was a 4 year old alone in hospital for weeks on end time after time with a bad chest. Parents weren’t allowed to sleep over and one parent was only allowed at visiting times. Children weren’t allowed to visit so I didn’t see my siblings for weeks. I was 4 and coped with it despite being terrified and very shy. I’m sure adults can cope during a pandemic I guess it’s made me less soppy
I don't know about soppy, but it seems to have made you devoid of any empathy if you think 4 weeks of daily visits is remotely similar to being alone when you're told you're dying and then never having even a hand to hold for weeks on end , whilst in incredible pain and dealing with the prospect of your imminent death.
Original poster
Burnt0utMum · 22/09/2021 22:05

So sorry to hear of the struggles and losses others have experienced through this.

I totally understand that they're trying to stop covid spreading to patients but I honestly believe there's a greater risk of losing my grandad through him giving up hope and feeling alone and scared than there is from him catching covid. He's so placid, nevers speaks up for himself and needs someone there to advocate for him and make sure his needs are heard. I'm just so worried. The trust's policy is that 2 visitors are allowed at end of life. He has his wife and 2 daughters so I'm basically resigned to the realisation that if he doesn't recover and go home I'll never see him again. It's just not ok to carry on this way with no sign of the policy changing anytime soon.

OP posts:
Saoirse82 · 22/09/2021 22:06

I agree. It's cruel but I also understand why it's done, if they allow hospital visits as normal hospital infection rates will soar and our most vulnerable are in hospitals/care homes. But I can't see why someone can't have the same one visitor at the very least, that needs to happen right away. Hope your grandad makes a full recovery.

sineadteh · 22/09/2021 22:09

@pinkstripeycat

In the early 70s I was a 4 year old alone in hospital for weeks on end time after time with a bad chest. Parents weren’t allowed to sleep over and one parent was only allowed at visiting times. Children weren’t allowed to visit so I didn’t see my siblings for weeks. I was 4 and coped with it despite being terrified and very shy. I’m sure adults can cope during a pandemic I guess it’s made me less soppy

I get your point, but in your own words you were terrified. Not really coping, you just didn't have a choice.

We can't put life on hold indefinitely for COVID it's getting ridiculous. Nobody cared this much about the vulnerable contracting flu and getting seriously ill.

Toddlerteaplease · 22/09/2021 22:12

I am also a nurse. I can't tell you how much I hate our 1 swap in 24 hours for resident parents. It just doesn't work for families. It's not as bad for elective admissions. As they can at least plan. But emergency admissions can't. It makes it incredibly stressful. And I really could care less if you leave the hospital grounds.

Original poster
Burnt0utMum · 22/09/2021 22:14

@queenatom

When my husband's grandfather was in the hospital a few years ago, it took a lot of intervention from visiting family to ensure that he was getting the correct care and to advocate for him - he simply wasn't in a fit state to do so for himself and his condition deteriorated significant before the family were listened to. I hate to think what would have happened if he hadn't been allowed visitors.
This is similar to what happened with my dad a few years ago. They said he had a 10% chance of survival and didn't expect him to survive another month but once we as the family stepped in and pushed for his care it all changed and he recovered and could go home. I dread to think what would've happened if we hadn't been allowed to visit. I feel so powerless now and very worried that there is no one there now to advocate for my grandad. He won't speak up for himself, whereas I know my nana or any of us would speak up for him and make sure he was getting everything he needed. I'm not saying that staff won't do that for him anyway but they are overworked and things can be missed easily.
OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 22/09/2021 22:15

Our trust will be changing its guidance on visitors soon. Sit tight, it is going to happen.

JoborPlay · 22/09/2021 22:15

It just reducing risk of infection for already vulnerable patients. How would you feel if your grandfather catches covid from Bobs relative in the next bed because he's had 10 different relatives visit?

Original poster
Burnt0utMum · 22/09/2021 22:18

OK so maybe they don't allow 10 visitors each but why not 1 visitor who's vaccinated and with a negative test? With a mask and not allowed to wander round the ward etc. Pretty low risk for a huge benefit for the patient

OP posts:
EmeraldRaine · 22/09/2021 22:20

Elderly and vulnerable patients should be allowed to have people with them to advocate and make sure they understand what's going on.

BobaFettOnMyBedsideTable · 22/09/2021 22:21

Absolutely agree.

elbea · 22/09/2021 22:22

@Clocktopus it lowers the risk but at what cost. My grandmother recently broke her back after a fall. Woke up in hospital after sedation, didn’t know where she was, what had happened and thought the doctors were trying to kill her. She is normally mentally fine. Neither my grandad or dad were allowed in to see her despite testing negative and being vaccinated. There is a real cost to people as a result of these policies, we went days on end without hearing updates about her condition and she can’t operate a phone. Thankfully after PALS intervention she was eventually allowed a visitor. It what have been immensely cruel to leave her for eight weeks in the hospital without any contact with her family.