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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

OH says I'm deceitful

117 replies

morecheeseplz · 22/09/2021 08:04

I've not been having much sleep (first trimester insomnia) and the whole house has come down with a cold since the kids have been back at school, so I haven't been on top form.

I popped out on Monday to take mum to the shops and I was supposed to bring the registration forms into the GP. As we have just moved a little further up the road and are now out of the catchment area.

Anyhoo OH has just asked me whether the kids would be registered at the new gp yet as I took it in Monday. I thought oh crap as I completely forgot and they are still in the car.

He has gone mad calling me all names under sun and that I'm deceitful, I said I can't be deceitful because I never said I did do it.

AIBU? The kids are still registered at the old GP it was a simple mistake and he's making a big deal out of it.

OP posts:

Heronwatcher · 22/09/2021 13:19

Red flags all over the place here. Do not marry him, for gods sake. If there’s something worth salvaging maybe do some therapy or something. I can pretty much guarantee that if you marry him at this point it’s going to get worse and worse. This is not in the slightest bit normal, nor is you keeping stuff from him because of his reaction. No one is perfect. We all forget things. That’s not an excuse for abusive hectoring.

grapewine · 22/09/2021 13:23

@morecheeseplz

Our relationship overall isn't terrible I don't feel trapped. We both have our own lives I've always worked he's always been self employed. However I have been suffering with hyperemesis and he has been doing everything whilst I have just been lying in bed. We do enjoy each others company it's not a horrible relationship.

If I was as organised as he would like me to be we would have nothing to argue about.

@Workinghardeveryday not coughing up just when DD blew her nose this morning.

If I was as organised as he would like me to be we would have nothing to argue about.

Do you understand what you're saying? 'If I were only better, then he'd not go mental at me'.

This entire comment is an excuse for his twattish behaviour and overreaction. So, really, it won't matter what any of us say. You're not ready to see it.

TwooThirty · 22/09/2021 13:23

But you know, it's always the men. This man is a scumbag abusive cunt and the sooner OP sees it the better.
I take no pleasure in seeing people frothing @Fluffypastelslippers so I’ll duck out to save your blood pressure.

Fluffypastelslippers · 22/09/2021 13:26

@TwooThirty

But you know, it's always the men. This man is a scumbag abusive cunt and the sooner OP sees it the better. I take no pleasure in seeing people frothing *@Fluffypastelslippers* so I’ll duck out to save your blood pressure.

I'm not frothing. But you have given a good example of how we can only make a judgement based on what people post, and not how they truly are in real life - as you were quick to tell me I had got you wrong.

pelosi · 22/09/2021 13:54

Our relationship overall isn't terrible I don't feel trapped. We both have our own lives I've always worked he's always been self employed.
However I have been suffering with hyperemesis and he has been doing everything whilst I have just been lying in bed. We do enjoy each others company it's not a horrible relationship.

So you work full time and are still be expected to be a Stepford Wife like his mum?

What a twat. Dump him. unless the house / business is in his name. Then marry him and go for half.

TintinIsBack · 22/09/2021 13:56

If I was as organised as he would like me to be we would have nothing to argue about.

What about rephrasing that @morecheeseplz? Something like
If he was actually taking on 50% of the workload in the house, we would have nothing to a argue about

Because, just now, it sounds like either

he is resentful to have to step up because you are ill
or he is becoming abusive

AcrossthePond55 · 22/09/2021 14:17

It sounds to me as if he's trying to talk himself out of getting married or that he feels he's being coerced into it and is resentful. Either way, the last thing I'd want to do is tie myself down to a man who doesn't want to be tied to me.

If I were the OP I'd be having a serious talk with him about that and also about the fact that the best thing I could say about our relationship and basis for our upcoming marriage is that 'it isn't terrible'. Not a sound endorsement by any means. No one's relationship is perfect and we all have flaws. But 'not terrible' is a lot worse than that.

Also, I'll drag out that old MN chestnut: When someone shows you who they are, believe them. People will 'hold poses' to keep their current life because it's worthwhile at the time. But they can't hold it forever and eventually everyone's mask starts to slip and then you see them clearly and often what you see is 'not very nice'. Looks like his mask is slipping badly.

Nancydrawn · 22/09/2021 14:18

If this is your third child with him, a question occurs: has he been like this in the other pregnancies? Or is this brand new?

hardboiledeggs · 22/09/2021 14:20

Don't think he fully understands the meaning of that word tbh. You've done nothing wrong, even if you were on top form. Your "D"H should do it himself if it annoys him so much. Gross over-reaction.

HalzTangz · 22/09/2021 14:40

If he's said 'forgetful,' then that would be understandable, but deceitful is way over the top

Fluffypastelslippers · 22/09/2021 14:43

@HalzTangz

If he's said 'forgetful,' then that would be understandable, but deceitful is way over the top

He called her all sort of names under the sun.

There is not a single part of that which is understandable whether he said deceitful or forgetful

Droite · 22/09/2021 15:16

If I was as organised as he would like me to be we would have nothing to argue about

What about rephrasing that @morecheeseplz? Something like
If he was actually taking on 50% of the workload in the house, we would have nothing to a argue about

Or indeed -
if he didn't call me a liar and lots of other offensive names for a simple incident of human forgetfulness, we would have nothing to argue about

Skyla2005 · 22/09/2021 15:45

My oh wouldn't even think of it ! What's wrong with him not like you have met another man !!!!

Skyla2005 · 22/09/2021 15:46

@morecheeseplz

Since we've booked the wedding he has gone weird normally he's quite relaxed. But if I make a mistake he is saying oh is this what I am getting myself in for.

@AntiSocialDistancer I guess so he rang me when I was with mum and asked If I had all the ID's and I said yes so I guess he assumed I was going to do it. It just slipped my mind I wasn't feeling well and mum was complaining she hadn't been out for days so I wanted to get her out for a little bit.

More like what are you letting yourself in for !!

icedcoffees · 22/09/2021 15:50

Please don't marry this man.

GetMeOut22 · 22/09/2021 16:27

Your comment about the wedding stood out for me. My ex's behaviour changed and became more and more controlling in the run up to our wedding. It got even worse after our wedding. It started with comments about him going to be trapped because he's getting married, then more and more criticisms and then started randomly shouting at me for small things. When I left him, he said he didn't think I would ever leave because we were married.

I would postpone getting married. It's a quite a big red flag which I, at the time, put down to stress. It turned out he thought that by getting married I have no way out and he can treat me however he wanted because he was the man. This was a highly educated modern man with no such past behaviour in his family. Oh, and his mum was a nightmare.

UniversalAunt · 22/09/2021 20:08

‘ Lots of red flags. I’d not go through with this wedding. As for the snot, it’s not phlegm. Phlegm is coughing up and is a sign of infection, potentially needing antibiotics.’

This.

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