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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend never invites my child.

99 replies

Jojojo32 · 21/09/2021 20:03

So my eldest longest friend who I have know since around 4 yrs of age, we have grown up together our children have grown up together my dd and her dd are in the same class at school and yet she has never once asked if my dd would like 2 sleep over with her dd or come round after school etc, something she does regularly with other kids, not thur the children not asking its a daily topic from my dd and hers.... Before anyone says why don't I offer 2 have her round/sleepover I live in a tiny 2 bed flat I share a room with my girls so not like they can go and play in their bedroom etc. I would love to if I had a bigger place where has friend dosent have this problem...
Just wanted some ideas on why she hasn't asked? Which she is clearly in her right, to not ask but it's not nice thinking she dosent like my dd or something. Like I've said we have been friends 4 years never fallen out or anything, 🤔.

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 21/09/2021 20:05

I don't think YABU but I also don't understand why you can't have a friend over in a small two bed flat.

Maybe because you haven't had her daughter over (and I'm assuming others after what you said) maybe your friends decided your daughter doesn't like sleepovers?

BobsBurgersisthebest · 21/09/2021 20:05

Does she see your DD often? That might be why.

VippingQ · 21/09/2021 20:06

Maybe her daughter isn't that keen on your daughter.

Maybe her daughter hasn't asked her mum to invite yours.

Lasttimeneveragain · 21/09/2021 20:06

Perhaps it is because she knows you're not in a position to reciprocate. She might not want you to feel obliged to take her child. She might be waiting for you to offer first.

Or she might only do favours to those who can do them in return.

Ionlydomassiveones · 21/09/2021 20:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster
Jojojo32 · 21/09/2021 20:08

@WhenISnappedAndFarted

I don't think YABU but I also don't understand why you can't have a friend over in a small two bed flat.

Maybe because you haven't had her daughter over (and I'm assuming others after what you said) maybe your friends decided your daughter doesn't like sleepovers?

When I say small I mean tiny there is no place they could just go and play without being on top of each other..... All bedrooms r tiny and my living room is tiny no garden.....
OP posts:
RoseGoldGlasses · 21/09/2021 20:09

I understand what you mean but just because your best friends doesn't mean your kids automatically will be.

MichelleScarn · 21/09/2021 20:10

Why do they need to sleep over?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 21/09/2021 20:10

Fair enough, maybe like a PP said then that maybe it's because you can't reciprocate or maybe the children just don't get on as well as you think

R0tational · 21/09/2021 20:10

She just doesn't. She is still your friend. Don't prod or probe this - no good will come of it. Enjoy the friendship as it is.
.

Original poster
Jojojo32 · 21/09/2021 20:11

@Ionlydomassiveones

Maybe her child doesn’t really get on with yours? Just because you are friends with her mum doesn’t mean the girls will be compatible.
They litrally love each other proper little bestie, it just got me thinking today because I've had to come up with another reason why she can't go 2 her friends house but so n so can. Her little friend asks me aswell and I say it's up to your mummy. 🤔
OP posts:
Original poster
Jojojo32 · 21/09/2021 20:13

I get everyone saying that they might not be close etc but they really are, it's not just my dd asking for her to go round. My friends dd will ask me INFRONT of my friend and nothing is said..... 🤔

OP posts:
DrManhattan · 21/09/2021 20:14

She probably doesn't ask because she doesn't want to put you in an awkward position, where you can't reciprocate.

RedHelenB · 21/09/2021 20:16

Well she's your friend so why do you think it is?

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 21/09/2021 20:16

Ask her

VippingQ · 21/09/2021 20:18

Is your child well behaved?

PeriChristmas · 21/09/2021 20:19

Just invite her Dd.
Get a film and have a movie night with them in your room? Bake cookies? Go to the park? It's one night. Kids don't mind about your house, they just love to hang out!

Then see if she reciprocates? 🤷🏻‍♀️

PeriChristmas · 21/09/2021 20:20

And yes my second thought would be to wonder if your child is a handful?

Justforphoto · 21/09/2021 20:20

She could also be wondering why you don't invite her daughter round. You can't expect others to do something you are not willing to do yourself

PeriChristmas · 21/09/2021 20:20

@Justforphoto

She could also be wondering why you don't invite her daughter round. You can't expect others to do something you are not willing to do yourself
Yep
chopc · 21/09/2021 20:24

If you are long term friends surely she would know your life situation? Have you tried inving her DC to spend time with you outside the home? Take a packed tea and go to the park maybe? And you can then tell mum explicitly that you wish you could invite her home but can't because .......

DragonLegs · 21/09/2021 20:24

I do t think it matters your place is small. I’d just sleep in the lounge for the night if she’s coming over to sleep. Has she ever been to your friends house even once?

LagunaBubbles · 21/09/2021 20:24

My friends dd will ask me INFRONT of my friend and nothing is said

If she is such a close friend why can't you just ask her? Confused

CorvusPurpureus · 21/09/2021 20:26

Who is in the other bedroom, if you share with your girls?

Movie night in the living room followed by kids sleeping on sofas could work.

I think you need to offer first, if you want sleepovers to be a thing.

It's quite likely your friend has picked up that there won't be reciprocal sleepovers, so doesn't want to get in a situation where she offers, her dd asks to sleep over with yours, it never happens & it puts you on the spot & makes you feel awkward.

DomPom47 · 21/09/2021 20:36

Maybe she thinks if she invites your daughter you may feel obligated to invite hers and she knows you don’t have space.
In the grand scheme of things does it really matter - you re good friends, the girls are good friends, they see each other at school ....