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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend never invites my child.

99 replies

Jojojo32 · 21/09/2021 20:03

So my eldest longest friend who I have know since around 4 yrs of age, we have grown up together our children have grown up together my dd and her dd are in the same class at school and yet she has never once asked if my dd would like 2 sleep over with her dd or come round after school etc, something she does regularly with other kids, not thur the children not asking its a daily topic from my dd and hers.... Before anyone says why don't I offer 2 have her round/sleepover I live in a tiny 2 bed flat I share a room with my girls so not like they can go and play in their bedroom etc. I would love to if I had a bigger place where has friend dosent have this problem...
Just wanted some ideas on why she hasn't asked? Which she is clearly in her right, to not ask but it's not nice thinking she dosent like my dd or something. Like I've said we have been friends 4 years never fallen out or anything, 🤔.

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 21/09/2021 20:37

I think although you are close, perhaps your girls aren’t?

DamnUserName21 · 21/09/2021 20:40

Maybe they aren't friends???

With regards to having a small flat, DD (12) and I live in a small one bed flat with no garden, we still have sleepovers occasionally. Kids don't really care where they sleep, tbh.

CyclingIsNotOuting · 21/09/2021 20:42

@BunnytheFriendlyDragon

Ask her
This 👆

If you’ve been friends since you were 4, why don’t you feel able to ask her?

Partyhearty · 21/09/2021 20:42

You say you share a room with your girls so presume there’s more than 1 & potentially close in age?

Maybe she doesn’t want the other DD getting jealous & doesn’t both of them over for whatever reason?

Original poster
Jojojo32 · 21/09/2021 20:43

Thanks for all your helpful replys, some have said why don't I just ask her.
Im just not that upfront person, she dosent have 2 offer to invite my dd round which she clearly dosent want 2 🙈would just be nice, maybe I should stop overthinking about dds friends coming to ours and invite one of her friends over, For the person who asked my son is in their room.

OP posts:
VippingQ · 21/09/2021 20:44

Is your child badly behaved/"spirited"/loud/feral?

NailsNeedDoing · 21/09/2021 20:47

I agree you should stop worrying about your flat, kids don’t care about that stuff. I have many happy memories of playing in people’s flats as a child.

Summerfun54321 · 21/09/2021 20:48

Have you never ever invited her DC to yours? Not even just pizza and tv watching? Children can do that in a tiny place with no need to run around. If you haven’t ever invited her, it’s a bit rich to expect an invite in return.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/09/2021 20:51

My dd had many play dates as a child. Most were instigated by me offering first. If you’re not prepared to do that as you’ve decided your flat is too small, the only person missing out is your dd. You’re being really unreasonable in deciding that your circumstances are your friend’s problem.

slashlover · 21/09/2021 20:53

I remember my friend sleeping over at my place and, because I shared with my sister, we got to sleep in the living room. It was very exciting. Didn't even have an air bed, we took the cushions off of the couch and slept on those.

Frankola · 21/09/2021 20:56

You haven't offered her to come either? That might be why

icedcoffees · 21/09/2021 21:08

She doesn't want to host all the time.

Why can't your DD have her friend over? They can sleep in the living room for one night - they'd love it!

Antinerak · 21/09/2021 21:12

The kids definitely wouldn't mind your home. Even just an after school play date might open up the possibility of your DD going to hers. How old are the girls? It might be that her mum isn't ready for her to go to sleepovers yet and doesn't want to start anything.

Embracelife · 21/09/2021 21:13

Kids don't care about space
Invite for sleepover squash up

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 21/09/2021 21:14

If they are besties at school that is really good for your DD and actually its probably more important than sleepovers.
It might be something about not making you feel obliged to reciprocate.
I used to steer clear of "sleepovers" as I felt they were often more bother than they were worth and the DC ended up exhausted and so did we.
However, would it be worth planning a nice out of the house outing to the Cinema perhaps or even just tea at a really nice cupcake shop (sorry I'm not sure what girls of that age group like) but you get the general idea. Then you've instigated the invitations and hopefully your friend will hear back how much her DD enjoyed it and invite yours to something.
If that doesn't happen then perhaps it is time to ask.. I've noticed that although we are friend and they are friends, you seem to ask other girls, to things but not mine. Its your choice, but is there a particular reason, it would really help me to understand.
Better to ask than forever wonder.

ittakes2 · 21/09/2021 21:14

Sorry I am guessing she finds your daughter a handful.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 21/09/2021 21:19

My close friends DD doesn't often get invited over because she is a PITA and my friend can't see it so never picks her up on it. She's loud, bossy, "spirited" and demanding and despite being my DDs good friend I find her insufferable. HTH OP.

GatoradeMeBitch · 21/09/2021 21:22

For a sleepover you could sleep in your son's room and let the two girls have the other room. That would make it more special for her.

Invite your friend's DD first. Then maybe she'll reciprocate.

Howshouldibehave · 21/09/2021 21:23

maybe I should stop overthinking about dds friends coming to ours and invite one of her friends over

How often do you invite her daughter round to play at yours?

If your answer is never, then YABU.

TheGrumpyGoat · 21/09/2021 21:23

Hmm… I am in a similar situation in that my daughter is best friends with my best friend’s daughter. They’re at school together and have been best friends since babies.
The reason I don’t invite her over very often (I do sometimes suck it up!) is because her daughter is really badly behaved. She makes a huge mess and refuses to help my daughter tidy up, she has no manners at all, she will go into my other children’s rooms when she’s been asked not to and make a massive mess. She’s just hard work! I know my friend wonders why I don’t have her round more often.

CorvusPurpureus · 21/09/2021 21:25

OK, so only one bedroom available for your dds & you because your other bedroom has ds in it, right?

This is really not a 'no sleepover' deal breaker.

Dd & friend sleep in a blanket fort in living room. Or you bunk in with ds for the night & let the girls share the bedroom. Or you & other dd sleep in the living room & let the bedroom be the sleepover room.

Obviously you don't have to do any of this! If it's too disruptive, fair enough.

But you could absolutely make a movie, popcorn, sleepover night work. If you want a reciprocal invite, I'd go for it.

If you're embarrassed because it would be a squash, then honestly, your friend may be getting that vibe from you, too - & not want to put you on the spot by introducing sleepovers into the conversation because she senses that you aren't confident about returning the invite.

Shirazboobaloo · 21/09/2021 21:28

Think you friend has "outgrown" you OP and is trying to give you a hint via kids - shit behaviour but that would be my take on the situation you describe. It's not about flat/living space at all but more

bridgetreilly · 21/09/2021 21:30

4yo is pretty young for a sleepover. Just ask the friend to come and play at yours for a couple of hours after school one day.

AnotheChinHair · 21/09/2021 21:30

Best friend never invites my child

Why should she??
You haven't invited hers either!!
Or anyone for that matter
You don't intend to reciprocate, ever!

slashlover · 21/09/2021 21:32

@bridgetreilly

4yo is pretty young for a sleepover. Just ask the friend to come and play at yours for a couple of hours after school one day.
OP hasn't said how old they are, she has known her friend since they were 4.