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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told DD this was rude of my granddaughter?

135 replies

BlossomOnTrees · 21/09/2021 10:26

Granddaughter is developing an attitude. She has just turned 9.
She was cross with me today as I wanted to take the shorter walk to school due to time purposes and she wanted to take the longer.
In school I was with the younger grandkids tending to them when I looked up and GD had disappeared. In a panic, I looked around and could not find her. After about 5 minutes I saw her lined up on the other side of the playground about to go in. Am I overreacting to be both hurt she did not say goodbye but also annoyed that she did that?

OP posts:
littlefireseverywhere · 21/09/2021 13:20

Actually I've changed my mind, YABU, give her some independence. As long as you're in the school grounds then allow her to go off by herself I think.

vdbfamily · 21/09/2021 13:20

my youngest started school a week after her 4th birthday. I started talking to a friend and when I turned round she had for into her queue and they were en route to classroom. I was actually quite proud of her but would have liked ahug!!

sirfredfredgeorge · 21/09/2021 13:21

She was in a bad mood as she gets angry when people do not do exactly as she wants

I wonder where she gets that from.

CallMeNutribullet · 21/09/2021 13:25

You seem to have adult expectations of a 9 year old and have some kind of perception of her as a "problem", so are looking for things she's doing wrong.
Instead she sounds like a normal 9 year old and this is a non event.

Doomscrolling · 21/09/2021 13:27

YABU. If you think this is bad from a 9 year old, you’ll have conniptions when the teen years arrive.

godmum56 · 21/09/2021 13:29

@sirfredfredgeorge

She was in a bad mood as she gets angry when people do not do exactly as she wants

I wonder where she gets that from.

hahahahaha
SaskiaRembrandt · 21/09/2021 13:32

I disagree with most of the PP. I think she was rude, and if you are taking her to school as a favour to her parents then you deserve a bit of consideration. A childminder wouldn't put up with a child who sulked and ran off.

JudgeRindersMinder · 21/09/2021 13:33

You’re “hurt” that she didn’t say goodbye? Jesus wept=I thought it was the younger generation who were supposed to be the snowflakes

OneMoreStitch · 21/09/2021 13:33

Well, maybe she was a bit sulky, but everyone has occasional bad moods. Unless it's part of a pattern of behaviour, it doesn't seem like something worth speaking to her mother about. Gently correcting any poor behaviour as it's happening would be more effective.

Just tell her you'd like her to say goodbye before she walks off so you know where she is, because it's polite, or whatever reason you want the "goodbye".

Eve81 · 21/09/2021 13:36

What the actual fu*k?! Why on earth do the parents on here think it ok even acceptable for a child to walk off with out saying bye? It is not about being polite, it is about announcing that you are now leaving and letting the adult in charge know you are safe.
It is ultimately rude as well.

Retrievemysanity · 21/09/2021 13:41

What a non issue!! I’d say this is pretty standard behaviour from sulky girls (I have 13 and 10 year old DD’s) and she went to where she was supposed to be. She was annoyed and expressed it in a minor way-that’s allowed you know!

FWBNC · 21/09/2021 13:41

@BlossomOnTrees

A simple goodbye is all I needed

Then tell her that, don't involve your DD & don't create a mountain out of a molehill or be SO dramatic. Why on Earth did it take you 5 minutes to find her, when she was where she needed to be? That should be the first place you look!

If you're getting to a stage where you can't handle the children, then you need to let your DD know, not panic over daft things & get grumpy with your DGD over nothing.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/09/2021 13:43

YANBU to tell her mum that she did this.
YANBU to be irritated by her attitude, and her sulking and subsequent failure to say goodbye or have any manners.

But it's not a big thing, really. It's not like she left the playground - she did at least do what she was supposed to.

FWBNC · 21/09/2021 13:44

@SaskiaRembrandt

I disagree with most of the PP. I think she was rude, and if you are taking her to school as a favour to her parents then you deserve a bit of consideration. A childminder wouldn't put up with a child who sulked and ran off.
She didn't 'run off', she got into her class line, where she needed to be. Yes, she should have said goodbye, but being grumped are in the way to school probably didn't make her feel much like it! She's 8/9 & lined up for class, she didn't run off.
OneMoreStitch · 21/09/2021 13:44

I wouldn't be surprised if she did neglect to say "bye" as a "punishment" or indication of her displeasure. It's not exactly unusual tit-for-tat behaviour.

However, the OP says they were "in the school" when it happened. Leaving to cross the schoolyard and queue up to go inside isn't really the same league as vanishing unexpectedly on the walk to school or in a busy shop.

OP needs to speak to her granddaughter about why she was worried or otherwise needs the child to speak up before she goes. It still doesn't strike me as something that needed her daughter's input or intervention, as a one-off. Especially since the original post refers to the granddaughter being "rude" and "developing an attitude", not "OMG, I thought my precious grandchild had been abducted and nearly died of fright!"

knittingaddict · 21/09/2021 13:57

How did your granddaughter express her annoyance? I think that is an important part of your post that was left out. Children are allowed to be annoyed about stuff and express it, but there are ways of expressing it that are ok and ways that step over a boundary into rudeness.

My grandson was probably annoyed with me the other day when I wanted to take him and his brother somewhere and he wanted to go somewhere else. He persisted in asking, we had a chat and he was fine that we did what I had planned.

I also do the school drop off and pick ups sometimes. It's chaotic and your grandchild seems to have acted very sensibly. She should probably have told you what she was doing, but it sounds like you were distracted. Not saying goodbye isn't the end of the world and not terribly rude in my book.

Saz12 · 21/09/2021 14:17

Granddaughter was in a grump because she didn’t get what she wanted, then went off to join queue without saying anything, largely because she was in a huff.

I’d not be happy if my 9-year-old did the same to me; not a huge issue but still something Id tell her not to do the next time. But I’d not be angry or hurt or whatever else, it’s just silly tween behaviour.

I do t think you can expect 9-year-old to see you taking her to school as a favour to be grateful for. Her parents should likely be grateful for the help, though.

Quincythequince · 21/09/2021 14:19

You’re overreacting.

Quincythequince · 21/09/2021 14:21

@JudgeRindersMinder

You’re “hurt” that she didn’t say goodbye? Jesus wept=I thought it was the younger generation who were supposed to be the snowflakes
TBH this is harsh, but I agree. She went over to her line and did what she was meant to do. If she’d have said goodby, would you have ssshd her for interrupting you?
Quincythequince · 21/09/2021 14:24

@BlossomOnTrees

To clarify, I only turned for one moment to speak to my other grandchild and when I turned back, she had gone. She was in a bad mood as she gets angry when people do not do exactly as she wants. Her classroom is right at the other end of the playground so not like she was just very close by. She may well have said goodbye but I don't believe she did. I just wanted some acknowledgement that she had gone to line up. It may well be the case that she will be walking to school on her own next year but for now, she is under my care and a simple goodbye is all I needed.
So you don’t actually know that she didn’t say goodbye? Would you believe her if she said she did? Doesn’t sound like it.

Pick your battles - this one just isn’t worth having.

GreyEyedWitch · 21/09/2021 14:24

Goodness, do get over yourself. This is such a non-event.

I thought you were going to say that she walked herself to school the long way...

purplecorkheart · 21/09/2021 14:45

You said yourself you were distracted for a moment with your other Grandchild. You do not know for sure that she did not say goodbye or was directed to her line my a teacher. Sorry but you are making a huge deal out of nothing and a bit of a drama queen. Most people would have just waved over at her to say goodbye. Poor daughter and grandkids if you are like this all the time.

RedGateWoman · 21/09/2021 14:59

I bet OP's daughter is fucked off at being dragged into such a non-event and being moaned at. Presume she works, OP? Or is the big drip feed going to be she's in bed or sat on her arse drinking vodka shots all day while her dogs run riot in the garden?

mustlovegin · 21/09/2021 15:08

Granddaughter is developing an attitude

Most posters seem to have deliberately (?) ignored this statement.

The OP is not talking about a one off misunderstanding, the DGD appears to be consistently antagonistic and disrespectful towards her an her feelings.

So many granny bashers here. OP, stop providing your DD with an unpaid service that they don't seem to value and start living your life.

Quincythequince · 21/09/2021 15:14

@mustlovegin

Granddaughter is developing an attitude

Most posters seem to have deliberately (?) ignored this statement.

The OP is not talking about a one off misunderstanding, the DGD appears to be consistently antagonistic and disrespectful towards her an her feelings.

So many granny bashers here. OP, stop providing your DD with an unpaid service that they don't seem to value and start living your life.

The behaviour today is not an example of the child developing an attitude and nowhere does it say she’s consistently antagonistic!

OP thinks this is awful behaviour, most others disagree. If all the other examples (which have no insight into) are like this, clearly grandma needs to reflect a bit.

Maybe she is developing an attitude - this one instance tells us nothing. What this post does tell us is that grandma can overreact. Today was one of those times.

Why would you advise her to stop providing a service for a daughter or situation you know nothing about, based on this one instance?

So many drama queens in the world!

What we can glean from the OPs reaction is that she has